Total mind screw (Girl problem)

[Flamezdudes]

Is it ok if I just tell her straight up that unless she's committed to dating me, then I don't want her messing me around? And is it ok if I ask why she's afraid of having a relationship too?

Thanks for all these replies everyone, I really appreciate it.

As you said, she may have various 'issues' as well, if you so like her and want to go out, then you will need to be there for her and be prepared for her to be like this at times. You probably should ask what's making her like this, but don't push the subject if she doesn't want to talk about it. Other than that, just try to be there for her if she needs someone to talk to about things for a while.

It might sound horrible but maybe you should try to hold of having a relationship for a while till she's gotten past whatever she seems to be going through right now.

Best of luck with this, and sorry if I haven't been much help.

It's ok, you've been a help. Thank you. Let me give you an example of how bad things are with her, just now a few minutes ago she texted me saying she's ran away from her house. I don't know if this is a cry for help and she only said some things were said at her house to prompt this... this hasn't happened before with her.

 

[AnkaraTheFallen]

Is it ok if I just tell her straight up that unless she's committed to dating me, then I don't want her messing me around? And is it ok if I ask why she's afraid of having a relationship too?

Thanks for all these replies everyone, I really appreciate it.

As you said, she may have various 'issues' as well, if you so like her and want to go out, then you will need to be there for her and be prepared for her to be like this at times. You probably should ask what's making her like this, but don't push the subject if she doesn't want to talk about it. Other than that, just try to be there for her if she needs someone to talk to about things for a while.

It might sound horrible but maybe you should try to hold of having a relationship for a while till she's gotten past whatever she seems to be going through right now.

Best of luck with this, and sorry if I haven't been much help.

It's ok, you've been a help. Thank you. Let me give you an example of how bad things are with her, just now a few minutes ago she texted me saying she's ran away from her house. I don't know if this is a cry for help and she only said some things were said at her house to prompt this... this hasn't happened before with her.

It sounds like she has some serious problems at home to me... as I said she may just want someone to talk about things and be there for her. If it is a problem with her parents, combined by what ever happened with her ex (I assume something bad from the way you said it) then I can understand why she would be afraid of getting into a relationship with anyone, for fear of being hurt again, I'd think the best thing you can do is to comfort her and assure her things will be ok.

Edit: If you have any other questions or anything, feel free to PM me, I'd be glad to help in anyway I can.

 

[Cupid]

You said she had emotional issues. There's the answer.
Perhaps, instead of asking total strangers about what's going on in your relationship, you should talk to her.

Sometimes "total strangers' are the best people to ask of these kinds of things. Without taking sides, as we don't know either IRL or at least I don't think we do, we can just look at the problem at hand, and express how we see it. I'm sure it helps even just to vent some things too.

I had dated a guy like this. One week we were okay, the next he would call it all off. A time later, he would want me back. Long story short, he too had lots of emotional issues, some I knew of (the ones he did not hide from me, he wasn't the most honest person) but the problem was, he never in a professional way addressed them. We lasted a year. He still carries much of his emotional issues, that trickle into his friendships, and ruin them. He got his next gf pregnant and kicked her out of his life. I would say to stay her friend, but with much caution as people sometimes can really hurt you as they use you for their emotional blanket. Also, it takes a very strong and patient person to put up with kind of thing. Since you like her as I once loved my bf, I wish you the best. In the end however, I know you will know what to do..(it's usually your gut instinct) I'd go with that. Good luck.

 

[artanis_neravar]

Sometimes "total strangers' are the best people to ask of these kinds of things. Without taking sides, as we don't know either IRL or at least I don't think we do, we can just look at the problem at hand, and express how we see it. I'm sure it helps even just to vent some things too.

You do have a point, most of the time a friend will just agree with you and tell you what you want to hear

 

[Death Prophet]

Snip.

Ok. I look at the dates on here and realize I'm late to the party but heed my words young one. BAIL! Trust me I've seen this in my life numerous times and it either has one of two causes most likely, first possible is she is loaded with emotional baggage and until she sorts that out trust me you want no part of it. Second it could all be an attention grabbing ploy, and in that case you DEFINATELY want to steer clear because that girl will be nothing but trouble. You're young, and there are plenty of fish in the sea.

 

[Flamezdudes]

Snip.

Ok. I look at the dates on here and realize I'm late to the party but heed my words young one. BAIL! Trust me I've seen this in my life numerous times and it either has one of two causes most likely, first possible is she is loaded with emotional baggage and until she sorts that out trust me you want no part of it. Second it could all be an attention grabbing ploy, and in that case you DEFINATELY want to steer clear because that girl will be nothing but trouble. You're young, and there are plenty of fish in the sea.

I rarely, in fact I never get any chances at relationships so its hard for me to see the bigger picture and think about being able to be with others.
I feel like I really want to help her though...

 

[Death Prophet]

I rarely, in fact I never get any chances at relationships so its hard for me to see the bigger picture and think about being able to be with others.
I feel like I really want to help her though...

Well then you have a tough situation, first I can understand the lack of "seeing the bigger picture" but you are only 16 and have your whole life ahead of you and a world of possibilities. And I know that sounds cliché, but its true. Teen years are hard, hormones going crazy mistaking infatuation with love. Now as far as helping this girl, I don't gather from what you've stated here that she is needing of attention as mentioned in my prior post, even though I might be missing something and she actually is. But I think the best thing you can do right now to be a friend is give her a shoulder to lean on/cry on. I wouldn't force an ultimatum on her but tell her that relationship-wise you can't be there if she is going to constantly give you the run around, it's not healthy for either of you.

 

[endnuen]

I've had a similar experience not long ago. The best you can do is just to move on. Or try at least.

She can come around when she gets her issues solved, but she can't expect you to sit around with your thumb up the ass while you wait.

 

[S3Cs4uN 8]

I went through a phase like that. Only I was so afraid of commitment that I didn't get close to anyone. My ex broke my heart and just tore me apart emotionally, and I was head over heels in love with her right up until she did it.

I suffered a identical situation apart from she cheated on me.