Transformers 3: Oh dear...

[Superbeast]

...I liked Transformers 2, and I watched the originals as a kid.

I don't get what was so wrong with it - sure, I'd love more robots and less humans, but it was quite entertaining and the robots could actually fight worth-a-damn for once (c'mon, Optimus taking on all those Decepticons? That was an awesome brawl).

I thought the action in #2 was a lot clearer than in #1 - I struggled to tell the Transformers apart in the first film, but didn't have that issue in the second (apart from the initial fight in China/Hong Kong/wherever it was).

I don't mind Megan Fox in the films - I'm not a fan of hers (I think she's a ***** in real life), but if one actor/ess had to go, I'd rather it was Shia - that kid annoys me to hell and back.

 

[A velociraptor]

Sorry, I posted that under the impression that Michael Bay not being allowed ANYWHERE near this film was a given and that his replacement will have had actually both watched and had some reverence for the G1 Transformers.

 

[JeanLuc761]

The only reason I still accept Michael Bay as a director is because he made The Rock, The Island, Armageddon and the first Transformers movie was kinda decent.

Other than that, Transformers 2 and 3 can go take a flying fuck along with any Michael Bay movies that I didn't mention.

 

[Private Custard]

Tranformers 1 was merely OK. But I may as well gget this out of the way right now........I fucking despise Shia Labeouf to about the same level that I despise baby murderers and war criminals. He can't act and floats his way through every movie like he's on a magic carpet made from shit and aids.

The only reason I tolerated the first movie from start to finish was because I was watching it in HD on a friends new 46" LCD, and to be honest even that was a wasted couple of hours that I could have spent at home practicing self-trepanning with a hand drill.

I attempted to watch Transformers 2 on a flight to New Zealand, twice. I got about 40 minutes in before I realised that it was just noise, mostly the irritating fucking parents and their attempts at comedy that died harder than Princess Diana when she went head to head with a concrete pillar. Again, Labeouf and Fox were predictably wank in every way and the explosions just became boring.

So, to summarise. I couldn't give a fuck about the first two, I don't give a fuck about the third and I hope Michael Bay drowns in his Scrooge McDuck money swimming pool.

The only thing Transformers movies are good for are taking the piss out of.

 

[CK76]

I just pop in my old VHS (yes, VHS) of the 1980s one and I'm good. You got the truth! You got the power!

 

[LiquidGrape]

I think that Micheal Bay has the opposite of the Midas touch. Everything he touches, turns to rubbish.

No, everything he touches turns into BAYSPOIIIIISOOOOOOONNNSSSSSSS!!!!!!

He makes certain kind of movies that appeal to certain kind of people. Just live with the fact that some people literally don't give 2 shits about the story and just want to watch 2 hours worth of shit blowing up regardless of the context.

But there are films around with shit blowing up that aren't repugnant pieces of sexist shlock written and directed by a bunch of cynical bean-counters.
Case in point; Paul Greengrass' Bourne films.
Intense and rewarding, yet somehow cerebral action.

 

[CrazT]

ok, here we go. My list of what would make Transformers 3 half-decent:
1 ) New director. Seriously, if Mr. Bay returns, the film will be another example of the 'we need ideas' scene from "South Park: Imaginationland"!
2 ) An actual story, not a collection of plot-holes!
3 ) Some decent writers, with at least one person who can write jokes that don't involve racial stereotypes, humping dogs or hash-brownies!
4 ) No Megan Fox. I pay to see actors portray interesting characters. I don't pay to see glamour models portray bland, life-less sex-symbols!
5 ) More robot characterisation. NOT just more robots!
6 ) Action scenes where I can see what the f*** is going on!
7 ) Less explosions...or how about no explosions?

 

[AndyFromMonday]

Frankly, if Bay makes a Sequel which focuses completely on 'SPLOOSSSSIOOONNNNSSS!" and epic battles I'll be happy. The thing that ruined his Transformers adaptations were those fucking stupid "human" scenes. Just give me Cybertron and an actual war between the Autobots and Decepticons and I'll be happy.

 

[tiredinnuendo]

What I'd like to see is Hot Rod. Damn it, he was one of the original Transformers and also one of, if not the, coolest one.

First off, Hot Rod was not one of the originals. He first appeared in the movie, where they killed off the better part of the originals, including Optimus Prime, and Hot Rod replaced him as Rodimus Prime. He was only Hot Rod for like an hour and a half.

Second, Rodimus was the worst leader ever, and he was a sports car with a trailer when he transformed, which is one of the saddest looking things I've seen.

- J

Wow, you clearly have a better knowledge of the History. All I can remember (without loosing any credibility, social standing or whatever that I have with myself by tracking through the net to find this stuff out) is that as a kid I thought he kicked ass. And I never saw him with the trailer on - though it doesn't sound great - but as a car he looked the business.

And I'd still like to see him in the third movie.

(By the way, am I right in thinking it was because Optimus went off somewhere and Hot Rod used the Matrix given to him by Prime to then become Rodimus Prime? My memory is a little hazey with that sort of thing so any enlightenment would be welcome.)

And as we're using signatures...

Fingerprint - a little more unique -

Basically it went like this. The Transformers movie (the real one, not that Michael Bay crap) starts. All our old friends are there, plus a few new bots including Hot Rod. Shortly into the film, the Decepticons attack and wipe out a heavy portion of the old guard, including Optimus Prime. Prime handed over the "matrix of leadership" (never mentioned before the film) to Ultra Magnus.

The movie happens.

At the end, Hot Rod, being the only robot to realize that those things in the handle of the matrix were clearly finger holes and that's why no one else could open it, grabs the matrix and is "evolved" into something which was, in theory, an RV, but in practice looked more like a sports car with an ugly trailer. His name is changed to "Rodimus Prime".

In the following episodes, Rodimus Prime featured as the new leader of the autobots and was so phenomenally bad that they had a two-part episode involving a global hate-spore infection where they brought back the real Prime. To my knowledge, "Hot Rod" only existed for about an hour and a half. He was, however, voiced by Judd Nelson, so make of that what you will.

And yeah, I know way too much about Transformers, but, y'know, what can you do?

- J

EDIT: Just looked it up, and apparently he did become Hot Rod again whenever he lost the matrix. Which apparently happened several times, because he was a terrible leader. I didn't really watch those later episodes, so I suppose I missed that part. We all learn something today.

 

[Poofs]

For the next movie i dont think they should change much
i happened to enjoy the humans storyline
i also really like both movies

 

[chickenlord]

i say they make a pre-qual, and have the story soley at their home planet, at the begining/during/end or their war at the planet...i think that would be awesome! focus ONLY on the robots, no humans, just giant robots, their politics, their wars, weaponry, their daily lives without war...all these things!

 

[MR T3D]

less fox
more explosions.
more A-10s
i'll watch it with friends and enjoy it.

 

[Blade Chunk]

When they made Transformers, they even said they had a three movie contract. Most everyone does these days. Even if two and three of your series is right to DVD.

 

[lwm3398]

Shoot Michael Bay, ask Sam Rami, save a franchise.

For me, these movies aren't that bad. I have no nostalgia of the old show or story, I don't care about the bullshit, swiss cheese, blessed by the pope script, (Holey/holy, for those who don't get it) I just want to see a dumb-ass action flick sometimes. Criticize me all you want: Dumb action flicks are fun. Allright, maybe there could be more robots fighting, less motherfucking army, more robots fighting, better robot design, more robots fighting, less dicking around in college, and MORE ROBOTS BATTLING IT THE HELL OUT!

 

[lwm3398]

more explosions.

Oh, so you want a screen full of fire the whole movie?

 

[Cpu46]

My way to start the Transformers 3 movie while still having a movie to watch

Okay so the movie opens to a view of earth from space: optimus prime is doing his normal speech thing as the camera slowly zooms into the planet, entering the atmosphere. Clouds obscure the view for a minute then the clouds disperse showing a huge battle between the autobots and decepticons (NO HUMANS INVOLVED). During the battle all of the unnecessary robots (aka the twins) die and starscream is heavily wounded. Decepticons retreat to whatever base they have while autobots do likewise. The damage to starscream alters his personality to what it was in the animated series while his repairs make his transformation more badass. Optimus calls in more forces due to the deaths of all the unnecessary robots and receives Hotshot. Add in a DECENT story concerning Megatrons plans of creating an army.

As far as the humans go: Sam is still at college, Megan fox is still in the hometown and only appears in the movie through video chats with Sam. Have some human side story where megatron tries to kill Sam through a special transformer ( THAT DOES NOT TAKE HUMAN FORM ). Have that marine guy tasked with protecting Sam because he was the focal point of the last two conflicts.

The nice thing about this is that it removes the unnecessary characters in a way that emotionally charges the people who like them while giving the people who dont the satisfaction of watching them die. It also shifts the focus away from the humans and back to the Transformers, but still doesnt completely remove them.

 

[HotPocket]

Megan was the only thing that transformers brought to the table.

You lose her, you lose half your audiance.

 

[HotPocket]

Megan was the only thing that transformers brought to the table.

You lose her, you lose half your audience.

 

[WorldCritic]

Damn It I knew it! Transformers 3, the apocalypse is coming!
But in all seriousness it's gonna be bad even if that ***** Megan Fox is out of the picture.