Translation: "Fuck off, I can't help you"

[blue spartan 11]

Unplug it for 30 seconds then plug it back in.

Worked for my sister's Wii. And my overheated Xbox.

OT: Calling Microsoft Tech Support in french for RRoD 360. I can place a safe bet that they were in India. Or another poor Middle East/Asian country. Damn accent made it impossible to understand anything. Still managed to remain polite.

 

[Kunzer]

Having anyone 'helping' me that doesn't have the same accent as me, or doesn't speak English as their native language.

I'm not being racist, but when you have a noisy background and someone with a foreign accent trying to tell you to unplug/pplug in the modem to make it work really pisses me off.

My favorite is when I call tech support for my ISP to let them know I have no internet, and some dude that smells like curry through the phone says his name is "Mike" or "John".

YOUR NAME IS NOT JOHN. NOR IS IT MIKE. LIES.

 

[Wintermoot]

"my computer is on fire do I need to pull the plug?"

 

[Adam Galli]

Unplug it for 30 seconds then plug it back in.

Worked for my sister's Wii. And my overheated Xbox.

OT: Calling Microsoft Tech Support in french for RRoD 360. I can place a safe bet that they were in India. Or another poor Middle East/Asian country. Damn accent made it impossible to understand anything. Still managed to remain polite.

I love it when they have a thick Indian accent and tell you their name is Steve and they're in Orlando, Fl lol. Makes me laugh every time. Just tell me you're in India... we all know it!!!

 

[michael_ab]

i have called xbox several times in the past for console problems, and i can always tell i called for good reason, because they have NO clue whats going on. and when i ask they tell me they have never encountered a problem like this before

 

[JodaSFU]

"We searched the network for conflicting DHCPs and found none."

*Issue of being logged on to other people's persona routers persists*

"Yes, we did another search and found three"

That pissed me off.

 

[BoredDragon]

I had a guy start questioning me about TF2 because I was playing it when my computer crashed.

Alienware tech support: "What were you doing when your computer crashed?"
me: "I was playing a game."
Alienware tech support: "What game was it?"
me: "Team Fortress 2"
Alienware tech support: "Ok... is it a good game?"
me: "What?"
Alienware tech support: "Is that a good game?"
me: "Ya, its a really fun game, what does this have to do with my computer being broken?"

 

[PayneTrayne]

I work as a gameroom attendant at a Chuck E Cheese.

You have no idea how many times people either don't put a token in, don't read the sign that says "Out of Order", pull OUT the sign that says out of order, or simply don't hit the start button.

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

I don't call tech support, I call my buddy Brian who's a computer engineering major and make him come over and fix my computer.

 

[Cazza]

When they repeat step.

Yes because restarting for the fourth time without doing anything will help. I can understand if I changed major setting but when I did nothing?

 

[Paksenarrion]

IT Desk: "You must construct additional pylons."

 

[chris89300]

Generally I find helpdesks helpful, but there's always one or two incidents that stick in your mind and colour your experiences. Though as someone who works in PC repairing the worst possible moment is when you have absolutely no idea what the hell the problem is. You're getting paid to fix it, but you're stumped. In these cases I take the "Dr House" approach and just try everything and see if it gets worse or better.

Interwebz it. The solution to your problem will be on a forum somewhere....

...along with several recommendations to delete system32.

That reminds me of one of the funniest 4chan threads I saw:

<spoiler=Big image. May be best to open in new tab>http://media.riemurasia.net/albumit/mmedia/r/xws/95y/300559/683852004.jpg

I LoLed, literally.

 

[bpm195]

It may seem like a silly question to ask if a person's computer is plugged in, but it's by far the most common reason a computer won't turn on.

One time I took my computer into a different room so I could easily access a wall socket and plug my computer in with a different cord. I was quickly able to diagnose a faulty power cord. After 10 minute fiddling with the cords behind my desk to get the original cord out I realized that it wasn't plugged in...

 

[Vyce]

Well the fun part is you have idiots on both side of the spectrum. I've also been on both sides, as the guy calling or the guy picking up the phone.

-Sometimes the user is clueless, and I don't mean not computer smart, just not smart in general.
-Sometimes you call in, and you can tell they're reading off script, and will not deviate off the script no matter what you tell them (Bonus points if you work Tech Support for the same company and you know the exact script)
-Sometimes you're the tech looking over previous notes and shaking your head wondering what the hell they were doing.
-Sometimes you got the non-computer smart people but they're willing to follow along with what you tell them to do and you fix whatever issue in minutes
-Sometimes you got the tech who has no idea what he's doing, or what we do, but they transfer the call over anyway.
-Sometimes you get the guy who is already pissed off and thinks he knows more than you do when you don't.
-etc. etc. etc.

So the sad part is no matter what you do, you might end up with an idiot. Whether you're the one calling for support or you're the support. Of course, there's also management, where they demand you "follow everything by the letter no matter what or you're fired"

 

[imperialreign]

Solution: Get away from first level tech support as quickly as you possibly can. None of them have any idea what they're talking about, they're literally just reading it from a flowchart.

Agreed, and the easiest way to do that is start throwing technical jargon at them. I've had to deal with s "specialized" kind of tech support for RMAs - some companies actually want you to try testing a few things prior to them coughing up an RMA number . . .which is understandable.

My last RMA ordeal was with OCZ over a PSU, and my first email to them included what exactly happened, what "tricks" I tried to get the PSU to revive itself, the exact voltage readings I recorded on the 12v, 5v, and 3v rails with a DVOM and yadda, yadda - it took a week for someone to get back to me, but at least I was talking with someone on my level. But, they still threw out one of my favorite lines:

"Did you check to make sure the switch on the back of the power supply is set to 'on'?"

 

[CCountZero]

What are some of your favorites?

I know a guy who initiates all calls with:
"[Support company name], [His name], can you be helped?"

Most customers don't pay a second's notice to the double meaning, but it makes him hate his job less

 

[InfiniteSingularity]

 

[Irriduccibilli]

Does anyone know The Oatmeal? He made a comic called "Why I'd rather be punched in the testicles than call customer service" which I found pretty fitting to this subject Check it out http://theoatmeal.com/comics/customer_service

I think it sums up pretty much anything I hate about calling customer service

 

[Danpascooch]

What are some of your favorites?

I know a guy who initiates all calls with:
"[Support company name], [His name], can you be helped?"

Most customers don't pay a second's notice to the double meaning, but it makes him hate his job less

Wait, I get your saying the hidden second meaning is "am I going to be able to help you? Or are you a lost cause"

But that's actually the only meaning I see for that phrase, what do most customers think he's saying?