WALL OF TEXT
you've been warned...
Rewind to about two years ago. I was in 5th year of high school, my girlfriend (let's call her lisa) was still with her ex-boyfriend and longtime friend (let's call him jim). Lisa and i have been good friends for years at this point, her relationship with jim wasn't the best. He was verbally abusive, picked fights with her constantly, tried to control her life, and would guilt trip her on things she did when they weren't together. At this time Jim was going through some trouble at home with his father as well as the stress of his relationship fizzling. He started to act out and abuse his closest friends, of which i was one. His insults, random lash-outs, wild mood-swings, and dissociations with logic and common sense became worse. Before the fallout he had been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, despression, psychosis, and the possibility of mild tourettes. After these diagnosis he became a self-fullfilling prophecy and became for more abusive to his close friends, all of whom were trying to help him. i had confronted him one night at a party, told him he needed to smarten up, he told me to go fuck myself and that was essentially it. Lisa and i broke off all contact with him, she had just broken up with him a little while before and he told her off in the worst possible way.
Since then, lisa and i have been in a relationship for a year and a half, and things are great. i still have the same job but it'll be enough to pay for my schooling, and i still got a ton of good friends from highschool. Whereas on his end since the fallout jim's gone through several jobs, been rejected entrance to college (he applied for a policing course despite having a criminal record), lost several friends due to his abusive nature, he's made up multiple lies about lisa that he goes around telling everyone, and his hairline even seems to be thinning greatly from stress and he's only 20 years old. We haven't spoken at all, he tried to flip me off in the streets once and starts a fight with me but that was about it. Ever since that whenever we run into each other at a party he tries acting all friendly towards me, acting like nothing ever happened.
Eventually i told him we need to talk, but that i wasn't going to go out of my way to meet up with him, this was just before lisa moved to school a town over a few weeks ago, i wanted to spend as much time with her as possible and i wasnt going to waste it on jim.
Fast forward to yesterday. a good friend of mine and lisa's who is close friend's with jim texts me and asks if me and a friend had posted an ad with jim's contact info asking for gay sex. i have a friend who sometimes does that but he had nothing to do with this. Anywho Jim and i's mutual friend keeps asking me all about this, after telling him the truth that we weren't behind this and haven't even had Jim's number since the fallout almost two years ago, my friend decides that i'm lying and decides to hang up after saying some insulting shit about Lisa.
Finally i message jim saying whatever he thinks we did, is not true. he replies asking to meet up to finally talk it over. THIS IS WHERE IT GET ABSOLUTELY FUCKED UP AND THIS IS WHERE I'M ASKING FOR ADVICE
i meet Jim at a local coffee shop. i sit down and he just starts snickering at my blank expression. he starts going on about how i am a delusional liar. about how i apparently have this mentality of "being a hero saving the damsel in distress and he's the big bad guy who's completely evil and i have a large campaign of tyranny against him the bad guy" not true, i just dont care about him, i have pursued no action against him ever we dont even speak to each other.
he then goes on to tell me shit about my relationship, how i apparently "I Don't love lisa i only think i do" and how she's just "using me". we've been in a relationship for a lot longer then her and jim were, and again, he doesnt speak to either of us ever. he blames lisa completely for the relationship failing, saying she "ripped his heart out" while he was abusive asshole who fought her every waking second, and even cheated on her after the first month. he blames lisa and i for everyone who has left him and stopped hanging out with him since we have, because apparently we started all that.
pretty much he's reflecting all of the reasons of the person he's wronged on them, in other words, everything he's done and said to fuck up his own life is apparently the fault of lisa and i, all the while refusing to admit anything he's done wrong. the reason we had this talk was to get everything out in the open, since we keep running into each other at functions through mutual friends and groups, the purpose was so that although things cant be resolved, that they can at least be okay when we are in each other's presence.
the problem is he acts like he doesnt care, yet he still wants to be able to at least talk to me. Thing is, I don't care and want absolutely nothing to do with him, when we're together i dont talk to or even look at him. if he truly didnt care he would do the same. He blames my girlfriend and i for everything wrong in his life, and i know he only still wants me around so he has someone to blame. He's convinced of things that never happened, lied to friends about lisa and me, yet he still tries to act all friendly despite the fact that he told me yesterday that i'm basically the devil despite never having wronged him. and his bipolar has gotten so much worse, literally every 30 seconds he would switch between laughing at nothing, being angry, or trying to act the victim with his lip trembling.
So what i am asking of you, the people of the escapist, is how do i deal with this derelict? after yesterday's confrontation my stance towards jim is worse than ever, i want absolutely nothing to do with him yet he won't leave me alone. we keep running into each other at social gatherings and he won't stop trying to be friendly with me despite the fact that he sees me as his enemy, even though he's trying to act like he's past everything. he needs lisa and i in his life so he has someone to blame besides himself, i don't want to give him that opportunity.
you've been warned...
Rewind to about two years ago. I was in 5th year of high school, my girlfriend (let's call her lisa) was still with her ex-boyfriend and longtime friend (let's call him jim). Lisa and i have been good friends for years at this point, her relationship with jim wasn't the best. He was verbally abusive, picked fights with her constantly, tried to control her life, and would guilt trip her on things she did when they weren't together. At this time Jim was going through some trouble at home with his father as well as the stress of his relationship fizzling. He started to act out and abuse his closest friends, of which i was one. His insults, random lash-outs, wild mood-swings, and dissociations with logic and common sense became worse. Before the fallout he had been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, despression, psychosis, and the possibility of mild tourettes. After these diagnosis he became a self-fullfilling prophecy and became for more abusive to his close friends, all of whom were trying to help him. i had confronted him one night at a party, told him he needed to smarten up, he told me to go fuck myself and that was essentially it. Lisa and i broke off all contact with him, she had just broken up with him a little while before and he told her off in the worst possible way.
Since then, lisa and i have been in a relationship for a year and a half, and things are great. i still have the same job but it'll be enough to pay for my schooling, and i still got a ton of good friends from highschool. Whereas on his end since the fallout jim's gone through several jobs, been rejected entrance to college (he applied for a policing course despite having a criminal record), lost several friends due to his abusive nature, he's made up multiple lies about lisa that he goes around telling everyone, and his hairline even seems to be thinning greatly from stress and he's only 20 years old. We haven't spoken at all, he tried to flip me off in the streets once and starts a fight with me but that was about it. Ever since that whenever we run into each other at a party he tries acting all friendly towards me, acting like nothing ever happened.
Eventually i told him we need to talk, but that i wasn't going to go out of my way to meet up with him, this was just before lisa moved to school a town over a few weeks ago, i wanted to spend as much time with her as possible and i wasnt going to waste it on jim.
Fast forward to yesterday. a good friend of mine and lisa's who is close friend's with jim texts me and asks if me and a friend had posted an ad with jim's contact info asking for gay sex. i have a friend who sometimes does that but he had nothing to do with this. Anywho Jim and i's mutual friend keeps asking me all about this, after telling him the truth that we weren't behind this and haven't even had Jim's number since the fallout almost two years ago, my friend decides that i'm lying and decides to hang up after saying some insulting shit about Lisa.
Finally i message jim saying whatever he thinks we did, is not true. he replies asking to meet up to finally talk it over. THIS IS WHERE IT GET ABSOLUTELY FUCKED UP AND THIS IS WHERE I'M ASKING FOR ADVICE
i meet Jim at a local coffee shop. i sit down and he just starts snickering at my blank expression. he starts going on about how i am a delusional liar. about how i apparently have this mentality of "being a hero saving the damsel in distress and he's the big bad guy who's completely evil and i have a large campaign of tyranny against him the bad guy" not true, i just dont care about him, i have pursued no action against him ever we dont even speak to each other.
he then goes on to tell me shit about my relationship, how i apparently "I Don't love lisa i only think i do" and how she's just "using me". we've been in a relationship for a lot longer then her and jim were, and again, he doesnt speak to either of us ever. he blames lisa completely for the relationship failing, saying she "ripped his heart out" while he was abusive asshole who fought her every waking second, and even cheated on her after the first month. he blames lisa and i for everyone who has left him and stopped hanging out with him since we have, because apparently we started all that.
pretty much he's reflecting all of the reasons of the person he's wronged on them, in other words, everything he's done and said to fuck up his own life is apparently the fault of lisa and i, all the while refusing to admit anything he's done wrong. the reason we had this talk was to get everything out in the open, since we keep running into each other at functions through mutual friends and groups, the purpose was so that although things cant be resolved, that they can at least be okay when we are in each other's presence.
the problem is he acts like he doesnt care, yet he still wants to be able to at least talk to me. Thing is, I don't care and want absolutely nothing to do with him, when we're together i dont talk to or even look at him. if he truly didnt care he would do the same. He blames my girlfriend and i for everything wrong in his life, and i know he only still wants me around so he has someone to blame. He's convinced of things that never happened, lied to friends about lisa and me, yet he still tries to act all friendly despite the fact that he told me yesterday that i'm basically the devil despite never having wronged him. and his bipolar has gotten so much worse, literally every 30 seconds he would switch between laughing at nothing, being angry, or trying to act the victim with his lip trembling.
So what i am asking of you, the people of the escapist, is how do i deal with this derelict? after yesterday's confrontation my stance towards jim is worse than ever, i want absolutely nothing to do with him yet he won't leave me alone. we keep running into each other at social gatherings and he won't stop trying to be friendly with me despite the fact that he sees me as his enemy, even though he's trying to act like he's past everything. he needs lisa and i in his life so he has someone to blame besides himself, i don't want to give him that opportunity.
