Trying to help the GF lose some weight...
- Thread starter renegade7
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Call her a fat *****? No? Well that's too bad because there isn't an easy way around this. Women are typically sensitive about that sort of thing so it would probably be best to flat out tell her (nicely) she's put on a bit of weight. If you try to do it subtly she may (will) catch on and get upset with you so it's just better to get all out in the open.
There is no easy way to say it. You can suggest you both start a regime together, but realistically, there isn't going be a good way to put it. Chances are she is fully aware that she has put on weight but doesn't want to think about it. She'll react badly if you tell her straight and she'll probably take the negative meaning whatever you do. Make sure that you explain that you do care for her and it isn't a deal breaker.
Good luck with it and prepare for her to be upset at you, then probably come around afterwards.
Good luck with it and prepare for her to be upset at you, then probably come around afterwards.
As an overweight female myself, I think I can give you a bit of advice on this. First, do not assume she is unaware of the weight she's gained. Trust me, she is extremely aware of every single ounce she's packed on, and likely a lot more aware than you are. Second, is this for you or for her? While I'm certain she is aware she's gained weight, the issue should be her happiness. If you truly love her and your relationship isn't a purely physical one, her happiness should be your greatest concern. I know you said "I'm not one to judge by physical appearances," but according to the fact that this bothers you, apparently you do. There's no getting around that. So just sit down with yourself for a while and figure out if stuff like weight gain and degrading physical appearance matter to you. Because if it does, then that is really going to affect how long your relationship is going to last. If you planned for it to be a summer fling or whatever then that's fine, but if either you or she is convinced this could possibly be a "let's grow old together" kind of relationship, then you've got a problem.
If it is for you, then why should she change for your sake? You're the one who has a problem, or at the very least she hasn't gotten around to dealing with the problem yet. So it's up to you to break things off or tell her "You've got 60 days to lose the weight or it's over" or whatever else is on your mind.
If it is for her, then approach the subject in that kind of context. The next time you're with her and she's really huffing and puffing after going up a hill, then ask her if she's okay or if there's anything you can do to help. Be sure to tell her it's about her comfort and happiness more than it is about her appearance, and be sure to not be lying when you say that.
If it is for you, then why should she change for your sake? You're the one who has a problem, or at the very least she hasn't gotten around to dealing with the problem yet. So it's up to you to break things off or tell her "You've got 60 days to lose the weight or it's over" or whatever else is on your mind.
If it is for her, then approach the subject in that kind of context. The next time you're with her and she's really huffing and puffing after going up a hill, then ask her if she's okay or if there's anything you can do to help. Be sure to tell her it's about her comfort and happiness more than it is about her appearance, and be sure to not be lying when you say that.
This; so much. If you love her less because she put on weight, walk the fuck away because you're not worth her time.Lilani said:
Honestly, do you expect any girl to not want to punch you in the face for saying this out loud, much less think it of someone you're supposed to love?
What a jackassy thing to ask.
I just want to point out that however much we might love a person, physical attraction is part of it, no matter what we like to believe about ourselves. I think it is a little naive to think that it isn't an issue. And 'more than a few pounds' over a summer can really be a system shock, like an extreme haircut, it takes some getting used to.IndomitableSam said:
Besides, I don't think we should be judging people here. If you wanted to do that, I'd suggest you go over to religion and politics, and join in the firebranding there.
My parents have been married for 30 years. Over those years, my dad has gained a considerable amount of weight, and my mom has gotten saggy in many places she doesn't even want to admit exists. That doesn't seem to be a problem with them, as well as the other old couples in my family.Galletea said:
I feel like there are basically two kinds of relationships. Relationships of physical love, and relationships of unconditional love. If there is true chemistry between two people, it gets to a point where the physical becomes pretty irrelevant. That no matter what happens to their body, as long as they are there with their body, it works. Yes sexuality is an important part of a relationship, but again if there is true chemistry there, that won't even register as a problem. There is a difference between not liking a new haircut, and allowing your concern for their hair to rule the relationship.
Unless they are also consciously seeking a purely physical fling, I've noticed that most women assume the relationships they get into are for the long haul. People change, there is no getting around that, and part of being in a mature relationship is accepting that. Because you aren't going to be with somebody 20 or 30 or 40 years if you can't accept that sometimes they are going to change, and sometimes that change may not be perfectly in line with what you would have liked. But again, if that chemistry and spark is there, then it's all just a drop in the sea of your lives together. You'll get over it and move on to more important things. So at this point, it's up to the OP as to what kind of relationship they are after, and if they believe that chemistry is there. Because if it's not and she thinks he's in it for the long haul, then she deserves to know he doesn't feel the same, so she can begin to deal with it as well and move on to new things that suit her better.
There is a lot of truth to what you say, but you are comparing the situation to that of a long married couple, who will not really notice such changes, since they are together most of the time. I'm merely suggesting that after not seeing someone for a while, and then finding a great change is alarming. OP's 'I don't like it' reaction is not necessarily suggesting that he loves her less, but finds her less attractive than he did a few months ago. While for your parents, the physical aspect of the relationship is not as important now, for a young relationship it is certainly a big part of it. Whether they are in it for the long haul isn't the issue here, it is none of our business, and what the lady in question deserves is for her to decide.Lilani said:
The likelihood is that he will get used to it and she'll probably lose the weight fairly easily, and if they don't want the same thing, then the relationship won't survive anyway,one of them will realise and break things off. You can't really compare this relationship with that of old couples, the situation just isn't the same.
"And I'm not one to judge based on appearance but...."
But you are. The only possible tactful way to approach her about it is as Galletea says and suggest you go on a health kick together. Ultimately it's her body and her decision though. What are you going to do if she isn't bothered by it? (being nosey)
But you are. The only possible tactful way to approach her about it is as Galletea says and suggest you go on a health kick together. Ultimately it's her body and her decision though. What are you going to do if she isn't bothered by it? (being nosey)
This may seem like an odd suggestion, but have you considered asking her to teach you how to cook? Even if she is only so-so, you could learn how to cook together. You'd learn how X makes a dish healthier without hurting the taste, Y adds extra flavor, etc. It would be an opportunity for y'all to spend time together as well as improve both of your diets. Regardless if that is part of the problem/not-a-real-problem, it will benefit both of you in the long run if you learn anything.
Weight is math.
To gain weight you have to consume more calories than you burn. To loose weight you have to consume less calories than you burn.
She has two options:
1) Start moving her body more,exercise.
2) Start eating less fattening foods.
Or she could combine both for faster results!
My personal solution to loose weight was to make exercise my hobby,my daily routine. I just couldn't keep on a diet. I tried once,twice,thrice... No,I couldn't resist having something on my fridge and not eating it.
I lost 40 kilos and from 150 I went to 110!!!
To gain weight you have to consume more calories than you burn. To loose weight you have to consume less calories than you burn.
She has two options:
1) Start moving her body more,exercise.
2) Start eating less fattening foods.
Or she could combine both for faster results!
My personal solution to loose weight was to make exercise my hobby,my daily routine. I just couldn't keep on a diet. I tried once,twice,thrice... No,I couldn't resist having something on my fridge and not eating it.
I lost 40 kilos and from 150 I went to 110!!!
Um, depends. If you think this could be a long-term thing, the best way is going to be doing exercise with her. If you don't think this is going to be a long-term thing, then don't bother too much with it. It also depends on how important this is to you. And don't feel ashamed for "not liking it" and don't let anyone shame you for that. You don't have a whole lot of control over what you do and do not find attractive.
I'm not going to get into the debate about love or anything, I'm not suited to that as an argument or to pass judgement in any way.Stavros Dimou said:
Instead I will focus on losing weight.
I sort of agree with the above, it's a good way to lose weight. I personally do not try to make exercising a part of my routine so much as I try to make my routine be exercise. So instead of going swimming every night I would instead walk to work or grab a backpack and do my weekly shop manually or try to walk my dogs at jogging speed for a change.
More recently I constructed a weighted vest out of an old army assault vest and some cement sand and said that whenever I would walk my dogs I would wear it. It hasn't really been long enough to judge what has changed, but I feel like my shoulders are taking the strain better.
The undisputed best way to lose weight is probably to get a physical job, nothing like spending all day walking as a postman or something to keep your health in check.
Also, focus on your liquid intake. You would be massively surprised how many calories you can take in a bottle of wine or cola.
I would say that she just had fun over the summer.
I naturally lost weight because I am so freaking busy at work.
Summer is a horrid season because you are expected to go on vacations and do nothing.
I say, just leave her alone to figure it out.
If nothing changes, you can suggest to go to the gym together, walk the dog together etc.
When she loses the slightest amount of weight you have to reinforce it and appreciate it so she learns that if she tries harder it will get better. Never tell here to lose weight when the weight loss is not happening.
Women put on weight for many reasons.
It can be just a change in life style but also hormones, and thyroid stuff.
So give it a bit more time for now
I naturally lost weight because I am so freaking busy at work.
Summer is a horrid season because you are expected to go on vacations and do nothing.
I say, just leave her alone to figure it out.
If nothing changes, you can suggest to go to the gym together, walk the dog together etc.
When she loses the slightest amount of weight you have to reinforce it and appreciate it so she learns that if she tries harder it will get better. Never tell here to lose weight when the weight loss is not happening.
Women put on weight for many reasons.
It can be just a change in life style but also hormones, and thyroid stuff.
So give it a bit more time for now
You posted this thread.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/538.389438-Just-started-college-trying-to-meet-women
Try not to be so shallow asking for advice on HOW TO CHEAT ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
You're lucky your girlfriend will have you, because I definitely wouldn't.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/538.389438-Just-started-college-trying-to-meet-women
Try not to be so shallow asking for advice on HOW TO CHEAT ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
You're lucky your girlfriend will have you, because I definitely wouldn't.
Option A: Be honest with her, tell her you want her to lose weight. If she dumps you it's probably for the best, if not then you are the luckiest man on earth and should treat her like a goddess. Also, pray that she never ever gets pregnant, because you clearly couldn't handle that.
Or
Option B: Get over it and accept that many people are in very happy relationships with people that look nowhere near as attractive as your girlfriend. Don't feel sorry for yourself, at least you have one.
Option C: Alcohol, haven't tried it myself but I've heard it helps with this kind of thing.
Or
Option B: Get over it and accept that many people are in very happy relationships with people that look nowhere near as attractive as your girlfriend. Don't feel sorry for yourself, at least you have one.
Option C: Alcohol, haven't tried it myself but I've heard it helps with this kind of thing.