Turning Someone Down.

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Pyrian

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Most of the time, I'm completely oblivious to women hitting on me, even when it's patently obvious in hindsight.
 

Elfgore

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Four times, three times I just ignored the person's advances. I regret one, as she was pretty much my type and into nerdy stuff. Two of those three at least continued to talk to me, seeing as we were friends before hand.

The fourth one though is a big 'in. She had a huge crush on me senior year. Skipped Homecoming to go to the party I went to. Did a whole bunch of other stuff. I had a pretty good idea that she liked me, but eventually one of her friends confirmed it. Instead of handling it well. I completely butchered it. Here is the text conversation that ruined it.

Her: You've been acting weird lately.
Me: Well you see, I heard you liked me again and was going to start pushing more advances on me. I was like "here we go again"
Her: ...

We finished the group project we were working on in class and never spoke again. Pretty sure she hates me. She had a rockin' bod, but I didn't view her as girlfriend material. Great friend while it lasted though.

Anyway, I'm pretty bad when it comes to knowing when someone likes me, I just assume they want to be friends or are being nice. I never consider that they like me. I also rarely ask them straight up if they like me, usually leading them to think I'm ignoring them, when in reality I'm so damn unsure about their intentions that I ignore them to at least keep a friend.
 

McElroy

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Ah, the daily thread reminding me I'll die alone.

Ahem, yes, I have turned someone down once. Or actually it wasn't even directly her as she'd got her friend to deliver the message. Anyway, she was tiny, had an annoying nasal voice and... we were 12-year-olds. I wasn't interested at all - whatever dating even means to pre-teens.

I've made plenty of mistakes when it comes to (my lack of) dates, but that wasn't one.
 

bigwon

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Out of my 25 years i think I've only had one occurrence were someone tried to initiate the move on me.

Me working at a edo japan grill with mainly chinese staff, i'm white but look like i could be any number of ethnicity's (at least of the white people variety).
in comes fat disfunctional seeming indian chick.....their's some sort of comical effect in all the race stuff in their some were i know it!

her: "ARE YOU FROM JAPAANN?"
me: ".....yup, they shipped us all down here"
her to her more attractive friend "OMG!!! he's SOOOOoo FUnnnnyy!"
chinese coworkers: *complete look of indifference as we cook on*
me: "......."

later on she slipped a receipt to the cashier to hand to me, it had her phone number. I a sexually frustrated young chap went home to grimace over my discovered demography in the sexual market. Mind you i'm socially inept and not a very likeable outlook on me so that could potentially change :D
 

Timzilla

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I'm usually not one to turn down girls, mostly because I've never really had many flirt with me. I went from "to small and cute" to "to akward" within the space of like 3 months. And any girl that I have gone out with has been pretty blunt about liking me, as I am pretty dense when it comes to reading into that sort of thing.

There was one time that I did overtly turn someone down. It all took place over facebook. There was a girl my Dad sort of "introduced" me to. She saw my picture on his facebook page and asked him if I was single. I told him I wasn't really looking for a relationship right now (more of a safety precaution than anything else), and he said she already sent me a friend request and asked me to just talk to her.

I logged on, accepted her friend request and we chatted for a bit. She was not attractive at all, but she seemed nice enough. I went to sleep, and woke up the next day with a little over 100 notifications. She like almost all of my pictures, a lot of my recent status' and posted on my wall twice within the span of a couple hours. That scared the crap out of me, so I immediately told her that I wasn't looking for a relationship. She kinda seemed to take offense to that, and said she just wanted to be friends. Haven't really talked to her since.
 

Elementary - Dear Watson

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TheVampwizimp said:
Zachary Amaranth said:
It can be difficult if you like someone, but aren't interested in what they have in mind (dating, romance, whatever).

A couple of people have hit on me who were super creepy, so the hardest part was saying "no" before I'd run far enough my voice was inaudible. Okay, slight hyperbole.

Solaire of Astora said:
That would probably first require not having the social skills of a potato. Unfortunately, I'm still kind of stuck at that point.

I wouldn't have any trouble doing it, though. At least, I think.
Some of my best friends are potatoes! You take that back!
All of my lovers have been potatoes. I always said that I've never met a potato I wouldn't eat.



Anyway... I have had to turn a girl down once, it was bad. We were in high school and she was just obsessed with me, for no reason I ever understood. I found her kind of annoying and not at all attractive, so I sort of passively pushed her away for a while until I she finally got the hint. I still feel bad about being an immature dick about it.
Just to point out... You were in High School. You were a child. Why would you feel bad about making an immature decision before you matured? Surely the fact that you know you made a bad choice, you assessed it and know what you would do differently is testament to the fact that you have matured since? That's the growing up process taking place! :p Consider yourself matured... It's the people who did as you did as a kid, didn't learn and proceed to do it again and again as an adult who are dicks!
 

Albino Boo

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Baffle said:
I date people all the time because I don't know how to turn them down. Mrs. B is getting really pissed off.
Last night meant nothing to you, you pig. I'm going to call your wife!
 

Phasmal

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Jun 10, 2011
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Well, I have the guy I apparently `friend-zoned`.

Not particularly exciting.
We used to hang out and play games and go to movies.
Very standard friend stuff. But then I start hearing strange things from mutual friends that he's been telling them. Us going to a movie now was a `date`, and us playing games together apparently had `tension`. He never says anything to me directly so I just ignore this as people trying to start drama.
Then one day we were talking about weddings for some reason and I mentioned something I'd want at my wedding, and he replied as if the person I would be marrying was going to be him. So I'm kind of like-


But I ignore it and continue being friends with him, but it's becoming increasingly clear that my friends aren't making up the things they're telling me he's saying. It becomes awkward, and I see him less and less.

Then I start dating my first boyfriend, having pretty much put the awkwardness with the other guy out of my mind. Then the guy becomes weird and creepy, declaring my boyfriend an asshole without ever having so much as stepped foot in the same room as him. Telling people I `led him on` and should have given him `a chance`.

There's not much you can do if a guy decides that you're his manic pixie dream girl. We're not friends any more.
 

Scars Unseen

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Oh I did forget about the most memorable turn-down I ever went through. I was going on a date with my first girlfriend(at age 25... I started kind of late) to a cabaret(her friend was performing). I had gone to get a drink and another woman I had met, but didn't really hit it off with prior to meeting my girlfriend saw me there and just walked up to me and laid into me with a full on deep as hell kiss. Apparently she wanted to make a good second impression. I told her thanks for the sentiment, but that I was on a date and couldn't follow up on it.

My girlfriend saw the whole thing take place, and told me that if I had just gone with it she would have completely understood. She would have dumped me, of course, but she would have understood. I'm still amazed that she didn't blow up at me or even get the tiniest bit upset or jealous. Also still can't believe I broke up with her. Never really met anyone quite like her again.
 

DementedSheep

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I doubt she was trying to trick you or something, more likely she was actively looking for a boyfriend and since you said no so she tried someone else.

Two were friends who cried so I felt like a ***** and it made things awkward but both of them at least accepted the no. One was I guy I didn't know very well, he took it in his stride (he was just making the rounds, I know he asked at least 3 others). One I barely knew and asked me out while grabbing my ass so I feel no remorse in telling him to fuck off (usually I'm apologetic if I have to say no). Two wouldn't get the message (apparently I lead them on despite telling the I was not interested in dating them multiple times) and because of one of those I ended up skipping classes to avoid them because the guy kept following and watching me all day and pulled the "I love you so much (despite not actually knowing me very well), that I'll kill myself if you don't date me" card. Sorta offtopic but someone also carved "I love [my real name]" into a fence very close to my house which freaked me out, I'm hoping it wasn't actually directed at me because I'm not the only person with this name and I don't know who that was. Nothing came of it though.

There seem to be a high percentage of people who get obsessive and don't let it go where I live, most of my friends have had issue with at least one person who dose shit like threaten suicide. One of my freinds had to get cops involved to remove their ex from their driveway and a guy I know has been stuck in relationships twice with that.
 

Eclipse Dragon

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Phasmal said:
Well, I have the guy I apparently `friend-zoned`.
You too huh? Damn our filthy friend-zoning ways :/

In my case though we did try but we were not compatible[footnote]Read he started becoming dependent on me as his sole source of happiness to a frightening extent and the whole thing left me depressed and emotionally drained.[/footnote] I was able to save the friendship, though at arms length, he's getting along fine and even says he's happy I'm dating other people as long as I'm happy.

Scars Unseen said:
My girlfriend saw the whole thing take place, and told me that if I had just gone with it she would have completely understood. She would have dumped me, of course, but she would have understood. I'm still amazed that she didn't blow up at me or even get the tiniest bit upset or jealous. Also still can't believe I broke up with her. Never really met anyone quite like her again.
That's a tough situation. I might feel a twinge of jealously if some random girl started throwing herself all over my date, but it's also important to recognize when it's not his fault. I never understood the thought behind girls that get angry at their dates for something like that, if I were to get angry at anyone, it would be the girl. If he went with it, he'd be out of the picture, if he resisted and she continued it would start with a stern *cough* "He's taken" and if she chose to get nasty after that, I'm not entirely sure how that situation would unfold.

I also don't understand people who get mad at their SOs for watching hentai or porn or admiring celebrities they'd never realistically be able to hook up with.
 

viscomica

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I don't remember really. Whenever someone shows interest in that way I just pretend like I don't notice and avoid them like crazy.
 

Mr Fixit

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Oh yeah a few times for sure & at least once where I was too busy dealing with possibly losing my job to notice that she was wanting to get to know me better. She was sexy too & I just let her walk off that elevator without at least asking what her name was, it hit me about 5 minutes later.

The times that I've consciously done it was a complete lack of any kind of attraction & at least 1 case of a single mother just looking for someone to support her.
 

happyninja42

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Yeah, I've turned down several girls, a few guys too. I handled some of them better than others, depending on when it happened in my life. My teens and early 20's I was fairly unstable, based on stuff that had happened in my life up to that point. Some of the girls I was basically an asshole to about it. In hindsight, there wasn't any need for it, I was just...*shrugs* not really thinking through my consequences very well. Others I was more tactful about it.

With the guys, it was pretty simple. "Thanks man, but I'm not gay." "Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to..." "No no, it's cool, no offense taken, I just don't swing that way." These were all gay friends, or gay coworkers, who thought I was. I think because of a combination of genuinely not being bothered by their sexual orientation, and possibly because at times during that period in my life, I was wearing fingernail polish, sometimes wearing lipstick, and also wearing an earring that looked like the Bajorian earrings from Star Trek. (chain connecting the lobe to the ridge)
 

sageoftruth

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Yes once, by accident. Although it was probably for the best. My female roommate had a bunch of her friends from work over one time and they had a social gathering. One of them got drunk and ended up sitting beside me while I was watching TV. Eventually, she said, "Oh, this'll sound terrible, but could you put your arm around me?"
I complied, still too oblivious to know why she asked. Eventually, I asked, "Is everything all right?" and she responded. "Yeah, I'm just lonely. Do you ever feel lonely?"
Then in true clueless guy fashion I said honestly, "Nah, I actually take pretty well to solitude." It wasn't until days later that someone pointed out that she was clearly hitting on me.
 

sageoftruth

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Eclipse Dragon said:
Phasmal said:
Well, I have the guy I apparently `friend-zoned`.
You too huh? Damn our filthy friend-zoning ways :/

In my case though we did try but we were not compatible[footnote]Read he started becoming dependent on me as his sole source of happiness to a frightening extent and the whole thing left me depressed and emotionally drained.[/footnote] I was able to save the friendship, though at arms length, he's getting along fine and even says he's happy I'm dating other people as long as I'm happy.

Scars Unseen said:
I also don't understand people who get mad at their SOs for watching hentai or porn or admiring celebrities they'd never realistically be able to hook up with.
I'm not speaking from experience, but I'm guessing people get mad about that because they may interpret the use of hentai or porn as a sign that they are inadequate as an SO. Kind of like if you asked him to help fix your sink, thanked him and then secretly hired a plumber immediately afterwards.

Also, sorry you had to get stuck with the overly-dependent type. I've been there, and it wasn't even a relationship, just a friendship. So much pressure, and you feel like you've ruined his day every time you have plans or just want some alone time. I imagine it's even worse when it's your boyfriend/girlfriend.
 
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Here's the thing.

I think there are a few people who are the most fetishized in the American Culture (and I'm going to talk about that culture because my issues happened in America).

In a list of no particular scale but number one since it's the same the world over.

1.) Women with Big Breasts 2.) Asian Women 3.) Blondes (I never got it) 4.) Black Guys.

When I speak of fetishize, I'm simply speaking of sexual lust. Gamer girls are hotter than anything right now in our culture, but I believe that's a relationship thing. A 'Oh, I can date someone who will not only accept me, but join me in what I love' sort of thing. My list is simply what horny people fetishize as a great sexual experience.

So, since I fall in at number 4, I often wonder if a woman is coming up to me because of who I am, or because of their fetish. I'm sure other people on the list wonder the same.

I have turned down, and I've been turned down. That is life.
 

Eclipse Dragon

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sageoftruth said:
Eclipse Dragon said:
I also don't understand people who get mad at their SOs for watching hentai or porn or admiring celebrities they'd never realistically be able to hook up with.
I'm not speaking from experience, but I'm guessing people get mad about that because they may interpret the use of hentai or porn as a sign that they are inadequate as an SO. Kind of like if you asked him to help fix your sink, thanked him and then secretly hired a plumber immediately afterwards.

Also, sorry you had to get stuck with the overly-dependent type. I've been there, and it wasn't even a relationship, just a friendship. So much pressure, and you feel like you've ruined his day every time you have plans or just want some alone time. I imagine it's even worse when it's your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Assuming they're watching porn because they aren't happy with their partner's performance[footnote]Although I don't personally believe this is the case most of the time[/footnote], it's still preferable than them going out and finding someone temporary who can perform to their satisfaction.

The partner who feels inadequate can always spice up the love life by watching it together, imagine the surprise "What are you doing watching this raunchy anime!?.... scoot over, let me see".

-----------------------
It's led me to rethink what I'm personally looking for in a relationship, I think I've grown for it, I just wish I had realized sooner and saved myself some pain.
 

mecegirl

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Yes. Though in recent years its mostly been me rejecting cold approaches. Its been a long while since I've had to reject a guy that seemed legitimately interested in me and not some dude that just saw me at the grocery store, so I don't feel bad about it.