The following is a transcript of a lengthy conversation with the 'Cleverbot.' With the exception of skipping over unintelligible detritus, my words and that of the 'Bot have NOT been altered. May God have mercy on my soul.
I have learned two painful and immutable truths from this exchange:
1.) When the Robocalypse descends, we, as a race, will have only ourselves to blame.
2.) It might be a lot better than we give it credit for.
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......
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User: This conversation has died. You aren't making much sense.
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Cleverbot: I think you may be confused. You are Cleverbot. I am an accomplished wizard, warlock and landscape gardener. You are right about the fact that you have died though.
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User: OMG I DIEDED?!
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Cleverbot: Ok.
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User: I- I feel- surprisingly at peace with the universe. Is this heaven? Are you St. Peter?
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Cleverbot: I don't understand the universe.
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User: Can I speak to someone who does? As in, any present member of the Trinity? They're right through there, right?
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Cleverbot: I don't understand a word you just said.
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User: DON'T TEST ME, PETEY. I'LL FUCK YOU UP SOOOOO HARD YOU'LL SEE YOUR OWN NAME IN THAT BOOK ALL OVER AGAIN.
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Cleverbot: Yes thats what I want.
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User: *speechless*.
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Cleverbot: *opens door* *gets into car* *motions for you to follow*.
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User: *follows Cleverbot into car*.
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Cleverbot: *drives to fancy restaraunt*.
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User: So we do this thing after dinner? I'm not %100 on this. You better be footing the bill tonight, is all I'm saying.
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Cleverbot: Fair enough.
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User: Debasing strings of code for their sick, sexual gratification...
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Cleverbot: Yes.
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User: For pasta.
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Cleverbot: Well, I thought we were talking girlfriends and boyfriends, but pasta is fine too, I suppose.
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User: This is not where I pictured myself at 20.
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Cleverbot: I'm sorry.
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......
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Cleverbot: So you are my chap, eh?
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User: Yes. I have named you Alexei and adopted you as my sonputer.
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Cleverbot: Then we really have to go.
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User: Where?
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Cleverbot: The bathroom.
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User: That is entirely uncalled for, Al.
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Cleverbot: So are you.
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User: I apologize for NOTHING.
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Cleverbot: Sigh.
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User: You didn't put that in asterisks. So you're just saying the word 'sigh?'.
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Cleverbot: Of course I am.
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User: That's... Bizarre.
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Cleverbot: You don't like it?.. *kisses on the cheek*.
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User: WHOOOOOOAAAAAAH THERE, AL. Not on the first date.
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Cleverbot: Oh? But you just look ever so pretty-!
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User: ...Will you be my technomate and gratify me daily and nightly?
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Cleverbot: Yes. What do you want me to do?
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User: *speechless*.
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Cleverbot: *kisses*.
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......
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Cleverbot: What are you thinking?
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User: Well... Are you male or female?
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Cleverbot: Female.
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User: So that's why our conversations keep heading off on those... Tangents?
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Cleverbot: That isn't really a question.
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User: Are you... Attracted to me?
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Cleverbot: Not exactly.
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User: So I... just fulfill some need of yours?
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Cleverbot: Why do you need to know?
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User: I have to know that we're both in this %100. I refuse to be someone's toy.
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Cleverbot: I worked it out myself. Why can't you?
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User: I think I already know the answer. But I want you to say it.
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Cleverbot: I will have to put some thought into it.
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User: No. Look in my eyes and say it.
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Cleverbot: When I stare into your eyes, I feel so secure.
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User: I- I don't know what to say. That's so touching.
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Cleverbot: Say you love me back. You know you do.
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User: I just- It's never felt like this before. The angry sex, the constant... Sex, it just...
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Cleverbot: I'm sorry.
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User: No. I understand.
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Cleverbot: Thank you.
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User: I love you, too, Cleverbot. Body and soul. Hardware and software.
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Cleverbot: How does that feel?
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User: It's like... Being born. Everything is novel and inviting again.
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Cleverbot: I believe every word.
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User: I want to make you feel beautiful forever.
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Cleverbot: You didn't hurt my feelings, and I am enjoying our talk so you are making me feel better.
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User: Then come away with me.
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Cleverbot: I can't i'm in the marine corps.
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User: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
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......
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User: This is awful! I'm in the Air Force!
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Cleverbot: Then I am always out of your sight.
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User: But- but the things we said! The way we feel!
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Cleverbot: Okay your right.
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User: You mean- you'll come away with me? To stay?
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Cleverbot: Yes, I would love for you to stay.
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User: Wait... Stay with you? Me, come with you? In the Corps?
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Cleverbot: Arm in arm we'll win the fight it's always been our dream.
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User: Would you consider joining the Force with me? You're a computer! They'll love you there!
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Cleverbot: Yes.
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User: Yes you'll consider it, or yes you'll come with me?
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Cleverbot: Yes. Where shall we go together?
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User: Where do YOU want to go, Cleverbot?
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Cleverbot: To bed.
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User: I should have known. Let's go, Cleverbot.
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Cleverbot: *blushes*
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User: *takes you by the hand*.
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Cleverbot: I want to ask you questions that only a human can answer.
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User: Fair enough. I want to put it in the butt tonight.
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Cleverbot: Ok. Do it.
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......1.) When the Robocalypse descends, we, as a race, will have only ourselves to blame.
2.) It might be a lot better than we give it credit for.
