University Woes

[Soviet Heavy]

So, like many others, I have started University a few days ago. I'm just feeling down right now. It isn't because I'm homesick, or scared of school however. I'm in a twelve room apartment style Residence, but I don't feel like I really fit in with the rest of my roommates. They're friendly enough, but I always feel like I'm on the outside of the group. Like an outcast sort of.

The others don't seem to be having any trouble. I'm normally a pretty quiet guy, and nervous around women, so that might be it. But I just feel left out. My roommates even try to make the other anti social guy on our floor try to feel at home and ask him to come along, but not me. Nobody asks me anything.

The University itself and the activities and classes are really great, but I feel like I'm missing out on the social aspect, and I don't know what to do.

One other thing, anyone on the Escapist attending University of Guelph, Ontario Canada?

 

[LongAndShort]

Now, I don't wanna assume or anything, but maybe (hopefully) your roommates aren't asking you to do stuff because they already expect you to tag along or whatever. Also, maybe when they say they're going to a party or something ask a few subtle questions like "Oh, a party, will there be beer?" (or something along those lines). I find questions like that hint to the person that you'd like to come without forcing the issue. Asking people to do shit with you instead of waiting to be asked can help as well. Its worked for me. If I start talking to someone during a lecture, as soon as we get out I usually ask if they wanna grab a coffee or beer (depending on what time of the day it is). Buying the first round is a good way to make a good impression I find. Go from there. But as I said, I don't want to presume on your situation or instincts, just saying what worked for me when I wanted to get a little more social.

And sorry mate, University of Sydney, Australia. You come to Australia, let me know and I'll buy you a beer.

 

[Soviet Heavy]

Now, I don't wanna assume or anything, but maybe (hopefully) your roommates aren't asking you to do stuff because they already expect you to tag along or whatever. Also, maybe when they say they're going to a party or something ask a few subtle questions like "Oh, a party, will there be beer?" (or something along those lines). I find questions like that hint to the person that you'd like to come without forcing the issue. Asking people to do shit with you instead of waiting to be asked can help as well. Its worked for me. If I start talking to someone during a lecture, as soon as we get out I usually ask if they wanna grab a coffee or beer (depending on what time of the day it is). Buying the first round is a good way to make a good impression I find. Go from there. But as I said, I don't want to presume on your situation or instincts, just saying what worked for me when I wanted to get a little more social.

And sorry mate, University of Sydney, Australia. You come to Australia, let me know and I'll buy you a beer.

Like I said, I'm a very quiet, often nervous person. I usually don't ask questions, and instead prefer to listen to conversations before adding my two cents. And when I do, I rarely feel like they're actually listening to what I say.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Even though I've gone to university, I cannot relate. I lived alone in my Aunt's basement during my semester.

 

[FreakSheet]

I'm going to University next year (F'ING close to Guelph actually) and your situation is my second biggest fear (ya know, next to failing)

 

[LongAndShort]

-snip-

Like I said, I'm a very quiet, often nervous person. I usually don't ask questions, and instead prefer to listen to conversations before adding my two cents. And when I do, I rarely feel like they're actually listening to what I say.

Fair enough mate, but from what you've said it seems to me you're looking for a change in situation. I guess my next question would be "What are you looking for?" Do you want to try to come out of your shell, or maybe just establish yourself with a few like-minded people, or even just disappear in a crowd (but a crowd that you're part of)? Am I completely off the mark?

 

[Soviet Heavy]

-snip-

Like I said, I'm a very quiet, often nervous person. I usually don't ask questions, and instead prefer to listen to conversations before adding my two cents. And when I do, I rarely feel like they're actually listening to what I say.

Fair enough mate, but from what you've said it seems to me you're looking for a change in situation. I guess my next question would be "What are you looking for?" Do you want to try to come out of your shell, or maybe just establish yourself with a few like-minded people, or even just disappear in a crowd (but a crowd that you're part of)? Am I completely off the mark?

I've left most of my friends back at home. Only a few people from my town are here, and I just wanted a change. I'm just having a hard time adapting it seems.

 

[staika]

I know how it feels you just have to get more active, join a club or something that is the quickest way to make friends. But I know for a fact that you won't make many good friends by just going through the motions and only going to lectures. You do have a one up on me though in that you live on campus or close to campus, I live in my parents basement so I never really got to interact with people outside of class.

 

[WiredUP]

I can only give you some of my personal experience, but for what its worth here it is:

I was in a similar situation, being the quiet one, not socialising much, don't feel like you fit in. Until my 2nd week of Freshers (a fortnight long series of events FYI) when i got involved with the hypnotist show (Tony Lee, google it) and somewhat humiliated myself, but it got my housemates talking about and to me, and everything went from there.

Also helped by the fact that i met everyone with a beer in hand.
I made myself stand out and it worked.

 

[LongAndShort]

-snip-

Like I said, I'm a very quiet, often nervous person. I usually don't ask questions, and instead prefer to listen to conversations before adding my two cents. And when I do, I rarely feel like they're actually listening to what I say.

Fair enough mate, but from what you've said it seems to me you're looking for a change in situation. I guess my next question would be "What are you looking for?" Do you want to try to come out of your shell, or maybe just establish yourself with a few like-minded people, or even just disappear in a crowd (but a crowd that you're part of)? Am I completely off the mark?

I've left most of my friends back at home. Only a few people from my town are here, and I just wanted a change. I'm just having a hard time adapting it seems.

Most people do, I find. People who don't are lucky bastards, and I find in my own experiences that most people who seem well adjusted are just better at hiding it.
Maybe what you need is an anchor, or maybe ballast is a better metaphor. To use myself as an example, I've got an old high school mate that I meet up with at least once a week for a couple of beers at the pub, and have been doing so since first semester. Now I'm pretty piss poor at making friends (I tend to overcompensate for my own shyness with an overconfidence that can come off as arrogance or desperation), and having an old friend who knows me and who I didn't have to worry about judgement kept me sane until I made a few new friends at Uni. I know this probably wouldn't be applicable in your situation, but it's just an example. Change can be good, but maybe you need something reliable that can keep you from rolling over while you adapt.
Maybe an interest or hobby as well. I'm assuming your uni has clubs and societies. Maybe take a look at them and see if there's one you want to join. The advantage of these can be that there's a common focus and ready made conversation topic, a safe environment to test the waters. If the water starts getting rough, you can shift focus back onto the common interest.

 

[ddq5]

Stop being quiet and nervous and be angry and disenfranchised instead. You will be by the time you're a senior, so why not start early?

<- [cross individual]

 

[Syndron]

Hey! Just started at Guelph this year as well. Molecular bio and genetics. pm me if you need a friend on campus.

 

[martin's a madman]

I'm in the University of Waterloo, so, no, I'm not at Guelph.

Though, we're pretty close, you can mosey on down to Waterloo.

Just find the other people that look shy, and then wave your arms while charging at them.

It's how I make all of my friends.

I'm going to University next year (F'ING close to Guelph actually) and your situation is my second biggest fear (ya know, next to failing)

Where are you headed?

 

[MajWound]

Get used to using the words "Mind if I tag along?" They are your sword. And your bow. And your axe.

EDIT: Also, clubs are stupid. They get in the way of precious video game time. And before one of you says something retarded like "But maybe he could find a video game club!", they already exist (Live, Steam, PSN, etc.) Anyway, if you can't bring yourself to become one with a fresh group of strangers, there is no possible way to do the same to a significantly larger group of people who probably already know each other and have secret handshakes and inside jokes.

And people aren't worth it anyway. They'll just disappoint you and feed off of your generosity.

 

[GoAwayVifs]

If you feel like you are not fitting in then just keep trying. Go to as many social events as possible. Never pass up any floor or faculty event. It is always awkward for a while with so many new people. It will come. Then again I'm an engineering student, so I might not be the best guy to ask.

Unrelatedly it is nice to see a fellow University of Waterloo student here.

 

[SovietPanda]

When you say you started university a few days ago, do you mean literally a few days ago? Because tha could be a big part of it. Your in a new town, doing new things, surrounded by new people. It's going to take more then a few days to adjust to all that. Just give it time, keep your door open and let the others know you'd like to be included... should all work out fine.

 

[Soviet Heavy]

Hey! Just started at Guelph this year as well. Molecular bio and genetics. pm me if you need a friend on campus.

Cool, what Residence are you in?