Unreasonable mother. Help?

[Jakub324]

She's the most unreasonable person I know (If you're wondering how I know, I've bitched about it with all my family members, except my dad, but even then it was subtext). Everyone in my family agrees. Earlier, and completely out of the blue, she accused me of being immature (it was about 70% insult and 30% groundless criticism). Now, my brother, dad and sister and I all exchanged glances. 'Here we go again' was the mood now. I said nothing, because I usually can't bring myself to back down when there are holes in her logic so big it's more hole than anything else and it never ends well, and because anything I said would get me shouted at and likely punished severely, and why? Because she is immature. If I started winning that argument, which I would have done, she would have copped out. 'Because I said so.' Her favourite f*cking sentence. What's more mature, a 17 year old who does more work around the house than she does, cooks more meals than anyone else, does all his coursework on time and takes care not to get into trouble, or a grown woman who goes ballistic the moment you argue back, just because she would lose? And why would she lose? Because she's always - always - wrong. Even my dad agrees, but he won't do anything because she's not above shouting at him as well.
Another time, my brother and her were arguing, and my brother was winning. He wouldn't stop invalidating her 'logic' so she punched him in the face, really hard. That was because he was winning fairly. It wasn't even important, she just couldn't stand being wrong.

So, is there anything I can do to stop the situation escalating, keep her calm and listening?

 

[GirDraconis]

My mom is like that as well. I can't win an argument simply because she's the mom and wins. That stopped happening once I moved in with my then fiancée (wife now). She had lost her control over me and that chilled her out a bit. She still can't lose an argument but I can at least hang up the phone on her and lock her out of my apartment if I've had it with her. If you are one of the lucky ones and get to go to college as well, enjoy your time in the dorms or just away from home in general. Just don't do stupid things as a means of "getting back" at her. Continue to live your life how you choose to. Just enjoy that she isn't there. I'm much closer to my mother now that I can get away from her extreme bitchiness when I need to. Part of the problem is that she knows where you live, haha. It's not like you can just hide in your room.

 

[Motiv_]

Honestly, at this point you're just best off ignoring her until you're 18, when you can move out on your own. If you need to get out your anger, consider writing it down or typing it out. Just be sure to get rid of it once you're done, you really don't want her finding that as a source of ammo for another fight.

I would also recommend finding more reasons to get out of the house for as often as you can, a hobby or job or what have you. Nothing good is going to come out of this if you decide to argue back, and all you're doing is extending your misery.

 

[uhddh]

Argue back. If she hits you like she hit your brother, you can legally remove her from your life... Or you could hit back.

Just leave music on in the background, if you're not watching something on youtube or the escapist, and if she starts yelling at you for any reason turn the music up and ignore her.

 

[Angie7F]

I agree that she is probably taking out her frustrations with life on you and your siblings.

I went through that too, and it totally drove me crazy, but after I moved out and she lost her influence over me, it got better.
The ultimate change was when my father died and she was free to do what she like, made friends, found a real loving and caring boyfriends etc.
Now she is totally different. Caring, loving and nice.

For my mom, living with a short tempered, half paralyzed husband and supporting the family at the sometime was taking a toll on her.
Is there anything that your mother is going through that is similar?what are her parents like?
Usually, as much as a person just seems crazy, there is a cause.

 

[Simalacrum]

As others have said, if such physical assaults to you or your siblings persists, I would seek help; potentially it could be a case of parental abuse.

On top of dissatisfaction with her own life (as considered by above people), could your mother also be having any stress within her life? It certainly seems this is a case of something affecting her in an emotional manner.

My advice would be DON'T fight fire with fire: Try and avoid arguments with her, if possible. Try and bring an argument to a swift end if one starts, again if possible. If it seems like she's stressed somehow and thats what is maybe causing her to be unreasonable, try and do something that would reduce that stress - bring her a cup of coffee in the morning (if she likes that sort of thing, my mother certainly does ), ask her how she's doing (with a smile), and just be nice to her in general. Essentially, fight fire with water

If that doesn't work, then, as others have said, try and ignore her until you can move out. Go out on walks if she's getting too much to handle. Avoid getting stressed yourself.

 

[Galletea]

Ok, by now it should be obvious that you are not the only one in this situation. The best thing to do is to try and get along with her, avoid arguments wherever you can, you can not win and she won't thank you for it. Then one day you can move out and she can do whatever the hell she likes. Try to just take deep breaths, and leave the room, if she keeps screeching then go out. Try to be nice to her, and things will be as easy as they are ever going to get until you move away. Unreasonable women are best left to get on with it.

 

[RedxDecember]

Listen to her. Role with the punches. Say "Yes Ma'm" to whatever she says, but in your head always be shouting "BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT". She only argues when there is a reaction, so don't give her one. It works with everybody.

 

[SycoMantis91]

It seems like almost any mother I've met can get like that when her kid argues anything she says, right or not. But your mom definitely cranks it up a notch. I'd just try my best to play nice until you can get out of there.

 

[Hoxolotl]

Could just be a bad case of diabetes. My mom was like that, untill we started holding our left ears with our right arms (puts your arm over you head). This is actually a test for mongolism, but if you do it, and all the other people at the table do it at the same time. Basically checking yourself which one of you is being unreasonable/crazy. it helps if the whole family joins in... of course the "you sound upset, would you like a cookie and some tea, and shall I go clean the kitchen table?" works too.

Don't always think people are being mean, sometimes it's just the munchies or a bad hair day talking.

 

[bleys2487]

Some people are simply like that OP. I don't want to tell you to just ignore her. She is your mother, but if basically every contact you have with her is like that, avoid her as much as you can. Arguing with her won't make it better if she has always been bent on being the 'winner' or 'in the right'.

I know someone who always has to be right. I mean ALWAYS. And he'll belittle you, harass you, threaten you, etc. until you say that he is right. Needless to say, I avoid him. But, when you can't and maybe you can't and she is insistent, you may need to take action. By what I mean is when she hit your brother. It doesn't matter what the argument was about. That is too far. If I were you or him, I would consider taking legal action. What she did is way out of line. If there was no legal action or punishment for what she did, then in her mind, it may be perfectly fine to hit someone again or do something else.

Just my .02