Unwanted advances and sexuality issues

[Nothing Tra La La]

For the last few months I've had a few people express interest in me, but I just sort of brushed it off. I've had a few "boyfriends" (if you'd call them that), but I'm pretty inexperienced relationship-wise. However, last night a guy I know texted me a strangely emotional confession of love. He was one of these "boyfriends" a long time ago.
I was instantly freaked out by this, not only because we're not even very close, but because I'm very sexually frustrated. I'm a teenage girl with deeply rooted daddy and trust issues who's, admittedly, kind of a misanthropist. So upon receiving these texts I was disgusted, to say the least. I don't know about my sexuality (hell, I'm still a virgin) but I do know that I'm not very attracted to men, especially not this one.
Even though I don't want these advances, I'm afraid of turning them down. I don't want people to know about my ambiguous sexuality, but I also don't want to be in a "relationship" to try and put up a front. Long story short, I don't like this guy but I don't know how to tell him why I don't.
Advice?

 

[Kenami]

It's going to sound messed up but some people don't need an explanation. Just say you simply do not have any feelings towards him and would prefer to be friends (if you do not want to be friends though tell him straight up. We guys tend to look at "Let's be friends" as a loop hole to "we'll get you eventually" its futile yes but we're simply human).

 

[Aurgelmir]

Basically what the guy above me said.
you more or less said it yourself:

but I also don't want to be in a "relationship"

Its simple, you don't need to be in a relationship, nor is it anyones business why you don't want that.
You said you are a teenager, ergo you are still young. At that age people try to figure themselves out, so not wanting a relationship is just one of those things.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

For the last few months I've had a few people express interest in me, but I just sort of brushed it off. I've had a few "boyfriends" (if you'd call them that), but I'm pretty inexperienced relationship-wise. However, last night a guy I know texted me a strangely emotional confession of love. He was one of these "boyfriends" a long time ago.
I was instantly freaked out by this, not only because we're not even very close, but because I'm very sexually frustrated. I'm a teenage girl with deeply rooted daddy and trust issues who's, admittedly, kind of a misanthropist. So upon receiving these texts I was disgusted, to say the least. I don't know about my sexuality (hell, I'm still a virgin) but I do know that I'm not very attracted to men, especially not this one.
Even though I don't want these advances, I'm afraid of turning them down. I don't want people to know about my ambiguous sexuality, but I also don't want to be in a "relationship" to try and put up a front. Long story short, I don't like this guy but I don't know how to tell him why I don't.
Advice?

I know what you mean. I'm in a similar situation. If you care to know the details, here is a link: [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/538.284526-This-is-not-the-usual-romantic-thread]. I also have a really low sex-drive. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And, trust me, sex is not all it's hyped up to be.

As for these advances, just explain your feelings on the matter to this guy. If he doesn't let up, then give him a flat-out "no." That's the advice I received in my similar thread. If they cannot take you explaining things to them rationally, then there's no way to salvage the situation with his feelings intact.

 

[Elamdri]

For the last few months I've had a few people express interest in me, but I just sort of brushed it off. I've had a few "boyfriends" (if you'd call them that), but I'm pretty inexperienced relationship-wise. However, last night a guy I know texted me a strangely emotional confession of love. He was one of these "boyfriends" a long time ago.
I was instantly freaked out by this, not only because we're not even very close, but because I'm very sexually frustrated. I'm a teenage girl with deeply rooted daddy and trust issues who's, admittedly, kind of a misanthropist. So upon receiving these texts I was disgusted, to say the least. I don't know about my sexuality (hell, I'm still a virgin) but I do know that I'm not very attracted to men, especially not this one.
Even though I don't want these advances, I'm afraid of turning them down. I don't want people to know about my ambiguous sexuality, but I also don't want to be in a "relationship" to try and put up a front. Long story short, I don't like this guy but I don't know how to tell him why I don't.
Advice?

Just tell him you're not interested. Honestly, I can't speak for other men, but I personally appreciate it when a woman is honest, rather than wasting my time with silly games. I will say this, leading someone on who you have no interest in just to cover for your own sexual insecurity seems to me to be a particularly cruel thing to do a person, especially someone who cares for you. Telling a guy who likes you that you're not interested may upset him, but your doing him a kindness; leading him on is not. And you don't need to give someone a detailed list of why you don't like them; a simple "Sorry, I just don't see you that way" will suffice.

my 2 cents.

EDIT: I also agree with the 2nd poster, don't do the "Lets be friends" thing. It's silly and just will end badly.

 

[dmase]

Break the mold and tell him the truth instead of giving him the spiel he has heard a million times before. I just want to be friends. Instead give him the long version of you not being sure and for him not to hold out hope.

Come on hun you can be better then half the women out there just by making that one statement... It might however mean your ambiguous sexuality just got figured.

 

[ultrachicken]

Just say no. You don't have any other real options here.

 

[Erana]

Have you ever felt any sexual feelings toward anyone? If no, then how old are you? (If you don't mind my asking)

There is such a thing as lacking any attraction to anyone, or lacking a sex drive entirely.

 

[SiskoBlue]

Let's be honest you don't need to explain anything to anybody. I'd just tell some of what you said above. You don't feel particularly close to him so him confessing his undying love just comes off as creepy. I've had women say that me and I basically say "How can you love me, you barely know me. Stop projecting whatever fantasy prince charming idea you've got about me I'm not interested". Seems harsh, but you can tone it down depending on the situation.

Although most people will say to the "I'm in love with my friend" threads on here (there's like 5 a week at least) that the OP should tell the object of their affection how the feel, there should be a warning. Pushing your desires on to someone isn't really fair sometimes. If I went up to some random woman and said "I love you!" does that mean I'm entitled to an explanation as to why she doesn't love me back? I've been brave so you have to tell me why, or failing that, you have to date me.

You don't have to do anything. Just say you're not interested and sorry if it hurts his feelings. If he asks why you're not interested you can just reflect the question and say why does he think he loves you and not some other girl he knows.

Good luck.

 

[Anjel]

You can turn down advances from a guy OP. It happens all the time.

"I'm interested in my education/career, not guys"
"I'm sorry, I'm just not interested in you"
"I'm seeing someone"
"I'm not looking for a relationship"

Or better yet, SiskoBlue said it,

Let's be honest you don't need to explain anything to anybody.

 

[WingedIncubus]

I can understand how it can freak you out, it's too much. Imagine, some women have been propositioned on their second date!

If you're not feeling them, just say no. If they don't get the message, just tell them to piss off. You have no obligation to explain anything to anyone.

 

[Katana314]

I once asked a girl out, for the first time, this year. I was very nervous about it, and very hopeful. She gave a very ambiguous answer, and then didn't return my voicemail. I was pretty much crushed when it finally came to me several weeks later that she never had any interest.

Believe me; any guy, like me, would MUCH rather you put them down directly than leave things unclear to them. Compliment them on their politeness about it maybe (if they deserve it), but make it clear you're not interested.

 

[CommanderKirov]

You put too much thought into it.

"Sorry, not interested" works wonders.

 

[sorenboehm]

Please don't explain yourself. You do not have to explain yourself. That's from thinking you need to... to be a good person - but being kind is good. Letting people know up front that you are not interested is good. Sometimes less IS more. Just think - how would you want to be treated in this case? Massive issues with trust and father here too. Massive trust issues in general. Scary, but I keep trying. Sometimes I get hurt, sometimes I don't, sometimes I do and pretend like I don't... (denial?)oh and let's all be friends. You have to go with your gut. My dad told me that love is bulls&^% and never to get married. Well what the hell do you do with that? He was married 4 times, with 7 kids! You do not have to decide which way to go, either - nothing is ever set in stone. Try what you want, what you like, it's your life and no one else's. I figure society can take a flying f*&^ at a rolling donut - as long as I'm not hurting anyone. It's really nice that society IS more open-minded now. And those who aren't... who really cares? You don't have to tell anyone any of your business. I'm still not decided either. Good luck! I hope you don't torture yourself too much over it.

 

[KrubixCube]

If you tell the guy you're not interested no one will question your sexuality. Well, that's another issue, but to the question that you actually asked a simple "I'm sorry, I don't feel about you that way" will be all right.