Vault101s guide to writing awsome storys!

[DasDestroyer]

Don't forget that how you present the story is important too! If you want it to stand out, make as many typos as possible, capitalize one word in ten, so that people know you can capitalize but don't, and never proofread! :3

 

[Hjalmar Fryklund]

Well, I suppose it's a good thing this is advice on how to write "storys" as opposed to writing "stories" then.

Also, the language of choice for every race in fantasy is english and usually it will be american accents as well. If british accents are utilized they will be comically thick. Dwarves will have scottish accents if possible/enough effort is put into it.

 

[Basement Cat]

Well... now I feel like an idiot for clicking this thread thinking I might actually pick up a writing tip or two.

...

Oh man, it gets worse. One of my characters comes dangerously close to fitting your Strong Independent Woman thing.

I know the feeling. Going over the list has me double checking my own writing: "Dodged that one...okay, that's no problem...I'm good there...Oops!"

On Topic:

You have to suddenly and massively increase the protagonist's Strength/Power Levels to a ridiculous degree in the Epic Final Battle: In order to build tension the protagonist needs to seem relatively normal/weak early on, but as the story progresses he reveals that he's "alway's held himself back" or "never really cut loose". This culminates in some final revelation that usually occurs during the Epic Final Battle just before the protagonist karate chops a mountain in two with a single strike of his hand.

Remember that the reader wants the protagonist to be insanely powerful so that he can stomp the bad guys without any messy tension concerning the protagonist's chances for survival cropping up and distracting readers from a good-old ass kicking!

 

[CorvusFerreum]

snip

Well the fantasy world I'm creating for my stories to be set in is influenced by our own past cultures mythologies (ancient Egyptian mythology being a big one) rather than any kind of Tolkeinian-based mythos. I've got no problems with dragons, orcs and elves, but it is getting somewhat generic. There is room for creativity even there, however. Andrzej Sapkowski's The Witcher is a good example of Tolkienian-influenced fantasy with its own feel and originality.

Egyptian? No no no no no no it's eather medieval Europe or nothing

what do you think fantasy even means? whatever you want? No, it means dwarfs and elves

don't go injecting creativity and originality into a genre that already has established rules!

(At the risk of being reported for provoking...yes this is satire)

I must disagree here. Every good fantasy story needs something like "the egyptian guys" or "the roman guys" or "the japanese guys" in there to show that you have a solid understanding of history and different cultures. The whole stereotype thing comes in handy at this point. The overall setting has to be central/northern european medieval (again stereotyped of course) with elves and dwarves, though. Every other notion would be ridiculous.


You also forgot to mention that you NEED TO EXPLAIN SHIT. May it be science fiction or fantasy or anything in between. People want to have the EXACT rules about how tech/magic functions within this universe to be explained as detailed and convoluted as possible. Throw in some scientific sounding words like "dark matter" or "quantum spin" or "genetic enhancement", so people know that you have done your research. Try not to understand the meaning of those words, because really nobody does.

Edit:
The Stakes

You must always have high stakes. If failure doesn't result in the world ending, the universe exploding or something as epic people won't be invested in your story.

 

[ImperialSunlight]

Well... now I feel like an idiot for clicking this thread thinking I might actually pick up a writing tip or two.

...

Oh man, it gets worse. One of my characters comes dangerously close to fitting your Strong Independent Woman thing.

Mine too. Well, she fits one of the other things. I have one whose father had no male heirs and so she disguised herself as a man since birth in order to be respected by the sexist aristocracy when she came into power. I think it's justified by the medieval setting, though.

 

[CorvusFerreum]

Congratulations, you can write in incredibly forced sarcasm about problems that either aren't that relevant nowadays, or are too insignificant to really count.

Here's a cookie.

Congratulations, you can write in incredibly forced sarcasm about problems that either aren't that relevant nowadays, or are too insignificant to really count.

Here's a cookie.

(Sorry. I just couldn't resist.)

 

[StormShaun]

...

*Does a professional writing course at Curtin University*

Well it looks like my two weeks of lectures just got f*cked over.
I better now try to get a refund and demand to make this the GUIDE for the WHOOOOOOOOOOOOLEEEEE course, [HEADING=3]NO! THE WHOLE DAMN UNIVERSE, ALIENS WILL NOW SHOW US RESPECT AND HAIL US AS GODS OF ... something.[/HEADING]

Spoiler

*Storms out of room*

Sorry, I had to make some kind of fake/over-the-top reaction thanks to that. XD
This got some kicks out of me.

Loved it.
Still giggling.
Heh heh.

Other then that some people are gonna get trolled out of this one.
Some actual good advice is visit the Escapist role-playing forum. I started from there and my grammar and spelling has improved over the years.

(if I'm spelling or screwing up my grammar it's because I need to post on a RP)

*Looks at other posts*

Vault ... wat r u doin ... VAULT, STAHP!
Your trolling levels are going to surpass Daystar soon.

Please excuse me now I have to post in an RP while laughing due to this.

EDIT: THE COOKIES ... why?

Don't forget that how you present the story is important too! If you want it to stand out, make as many typos as possible, capitalize one word in ten, so that people know you can capitalize but don't, and never proofread! :3

I like your avatar sir/madam.

*Tips off hat*

Wafuu for all~!

 

[Sir Thomas Sean Connery]

Meh, I'm with Conan on this one.

Cynicism, while amusing, gets us nowhere.

 

[someonehairy-ish]

Snippety snip

You must always have high stakes. If failure doesn't result in the world ending, the universe exploding or something as epic people won't be invested in your story.

Ahh. Now you're getting it.

OT: This was hilarious. + we no longer need all the writing advice threads that pop up every now and then! But seriously vault, my spellcheck sense is tingling like never before :|

 

[scorptatious]

Vault, you're cool and all but...

Do you not have spell check on your computer?!?

/grammar nazi

But yeah, great guide!

 

[Coppernerves]

Vault, you're cool and all but...

Do you not have spell check on your computer?!?

/grammar nazi

But yeah, great guide!

It made me think of this awesome plot I came up with recently:

Commandos are sent to seize evidence from land of a drug lord

Drug lord uses alchemy and necromancy to kill every commando but our hero

Our hero escapes into the jungle, where he finds an ancient shrine

The shrine puts a nature spirit into him, which is pissed off at the drug lord for cutting down trees to grow cocaine plants in their place, and gives our hero cool powers (like a cross between poison ivy, a beast master, and the incredible hulk)

Our hero uses his powers to complete the mission, but the necromancer/drug lord escapes.

Our hero gets invited into a secret organisation of magic users, who are on the trail of the alchemist necromancer drug lord, who they suspect is a member of an evil secret society of mages, he agrees to join.

Yeah! Awesome!

 

[IllumInaTIma]

OT: You forgot dogs! Everyone loves dogs, so just throw in a few mutts here and there!

HELL YEAH! Come on, name me one badly written dog character! Just one! See? You can't!

 

[Artemicion]

As someone who doesn't actually attend these forums much for fear of catching the rage, it took me a moment to connect the poster with the content.

Well played.

 

[Basement Cat]

snip

snip

Guys you need to put those pictures in spoilers. They really slow down the scrolling on this page.

OT: I'm actually taking real pointers from this thread's satirical view for my own writing. Sardonic humor can be SO much more effective than dry-as-dust lectures.

 

[Zhukov]

Well... now I feel like an idiot for clicking this thread thinking I might actually pick up a writing tip or two.

I am honored that you thought I might have been qualified to give out writing advice

[sub/][small/]in all seriousness I could but it would be mostly very basic stuff anyone should know[/small][/sub]

I guess the fact that the word "awesome" in the thread title is missing an "e" should have tipped me off.

 

[Eggsnham]

Make sure your protagonist has some sort of crippling physical or mental illness, but manages to be more capable and awesome than anybody or anything he/she meets.

Bonus points if the physical illness is an anomaly and there's no way to treat it.

EDIT: Also, make sure one of your characters uses archaic or extremely eloquent vocabulary, that way your main protagonist can make himself looks super smart when he understands what the fuck the other guy is saying.

Also, never, ever have your main protagonist use archaic or eloquent vocabulary, because that means they're educated and being educated doesn't fit well with their back-story of being an impoverished orphan... you did make your hero an impoverished orphan, right? If not, go back and do that, a character isn't cool until they've been a poor street urchin.

 

[Weaver]

Oh Vault, never change
It's good to have some lightheartedness on this site.

 

[The Funslinger]

I'm an aspiring author myself (fantasy/historical fiction) and I have to ask, is this a joke? I'm all for getting advice and shit, but this seems too silly to believe. Protagonists have to be "awesome" and have a "super duper ability" from birth? What?

It's a joke, don't worry.

I made a thread like this about "how to write fan fiction" a while back.

 

[COMaestro]

Ah Vault. You truly make the Escapist a fun place to inhabit. Don't ever change