Video Game Haikus

[x434343]

So, I got bored in History Class today and we were talking about haikus. So I mentally made Team Fortress 2 Haikus.

Scout:
BONK! Hey, knuckle head!
I'm talkin' to you! Say good-
Bye to your kneecaps!

Soldier:
MAGGOTS! You are weak.
cuh-rit! Sun-Tzu said that, and
I think he knows more.

Pyro:
MMM MMPH MMM MMM MMM
MMM-MMM MMM MM M MM MMM
MPH HUDDA HUDDA

I'll put the rest up later, but I want to see you make Haikus for other games or characters.

 

[Dr Spaceman]

Bioshock:

Little Sister knows
Big Daddy will protect her
ADAM is the key

The sweat of your brow
Well, are you not entitled?
"Yes." - Andrew Ryan

Photographs say much
Learn to kill faster, better
No need to make sense

"Atlas shrugged", Jack said.
"When he poisoned my thinking,"
"I will have revenge."

KOTOR:
Bastila was hot
You could save her, or let fall
Don't take my girlfriend

Mission sucked... a lot
Her voice was horrifying
I never used her skills

Oh my God, that was
Un-be-fuck-ing-ri-dic-u-
-lous-awe-some (One word)

Lightsabers and droids
Never mix. Droids will explode,
And Jedi will laugh.

Spore:
No, seriously.
This game could have awesome.
Goddammit, Will Wright.

The Witcher:
Titties! Titties! Boobs!
Decapitation! Sword fights!
Titties! Titties! Boobs!

Gears of War:
Go! Shoot at Locust
Hide Behind Pillar, Don't Die
Hoo-ah, Bug Bitches!

Chainsaw threatens you
It's very sharp and scary
Blood is everywhere

Team Fortress 2:
I've got the flag, GO!
We're almost back to our base!
What's that red dot? BLAM!

Medic! I'm dying.
A rocket, a shotgun blast.
Just spray me blue, please.

We've got points A, B.
They can't stop us now, Blu Team!
Goddamn. Eight sentries.

 

[fedpayne]

At first no lightsaber,
But Jan gets kidnapped. Oh noes!
Kyle must kill Desann!

 

[Knight Templar]

mspencer82 your last line made me laugh.

 

[wilsonscrazybed]

I have no idea about haiku, what are the rules of making a haiku?

 

[Emperor Inferno]

I have no idea about haiku, what are the rules of making a haiku?

three lines, first and third line have 5 syllables, second line has seven syllables, doesn't have to rhyme.

for example:

Halo:

The Covenant sucks (5 syllables)
Kill those alien bastards (7 syllables)
Master Chief kicks ass (5 syllables)

 

[wilsonscrazybed]

I have no idea about haiku, what are the rules of making a haiku?

three lines, first and third line have 5 syllables, second line has seven syllables, doesn't have to rhyme.

for example:

Halo:

The Covenant sucks (5 syllables)
Kill those alien bastards (7 syllables)
Master Chief kicks ass (5 syllables)

Thanks for clarifying.

 

[Emperor Inferno]

Thanks for clarifying.

I'm helpful and nice by nature, it was my pleasure. While I was writing that, I found myself thinking I hope no one beats me to this. Does that make me wierd?

 

[hell4raizer]

Oblivion:
Along Cyrodil
monochromatic faces
repercussed voices

half-life 1:
Xen, Marines, blowout
kicking ass in an orange suite
that's how i'll go out.

 

[fedpayne]

BIG SPOILER WARNING
In Knights, you are Darth Revan.
I said to a friend.

 

[Lewrawen]

Dragon Quest 8
Scepter always sealed
The jester in water healed
Dark Lord will not yield

FFVIII
Time is ancient yet
A moment can be compressed
Into a world threat

Brawl
It may not be eight
But can't be ever brought hate
Mario kill date

 

[Darth Marsden]

Shed a tear, won't you,
for Duke Nukem Forever,
forever delayed.

What is this feeling
got while playing Psychonauts?
Is it... happiness?

You are not worthy
to play anything else but
Daikatana. Ha!

Hey, these are fun.

 

[Space Spoons]

Iron Man (movie based game):
The controls are broke,
But appropriate I guess,
They make him seem drunk

This is my favorite one.

 

[GoldCrow]

Far Cry:
Stalk through the jungle.
What was that? Shotgun. BAM! Die
Mutated monkey!

Assassin's Creed:
Interesting game,
Run on rooftops, stab the guards.
No! Fucking cutscene...

 

[AuntyEthel]

Tifa in bondage
Princess Peach riding Bowser
Stop wanking, fanboy!

 

[Dapper Ninja]

Dante is badass
Nero's pretty cool, as well
His girlfriend sucks, though

 

[PhatmasterJ]

Duke Nukem whenever
never to be seen on shelf
Duke Nukem whatever

 

[Librarian Mike]

Thousands of copies
Lining the shelves of pawn shops
It's Killer7


...and the obligatory Portal reference...

I promised you cake
But it's more fun to kill you
I am still alive

 

[Emperor Inferno]

...and the obligatory Portal reference...

I promised you cake
But it's more fun to kill you
I am still alive

I've never even played portal and I think Glados is a c**t. i see reviews on TV and hear people talk about it and I think, geez, what a *****.

Also,

Mephisto, you're weak
my sorcereress will destroy
you with fire and ice

Diablo, you wimp
my necromancer will slay
you with undead horde

Baal, you're a sissy,
my barbarian will kill
you with sheer brute force

Tyreal, you suck
this whole thing is all your fault,
all characters, KILL!

Sorry, Diablo is one of my fave's