"Did you know you can donate one or more of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self-Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!"
"The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."
"The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak."
"The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice."
"At the Enrichment Center, if at first you don't succeed, you fail."
"That thing you burned up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans."
"Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? Well I wont let you! ...How does that feel?"
"I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. 'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too."
GLaDOS = Funniest character in anything, ever.
