Video Games you cannot criticize.

Recommended Videos

imaloony

New member
Nov 19, 2009
1,025
0
0
Nope, can't think of a one.

Well, maybe Galaga.

Even old classics, for example:

Super Mario Brothers: "Our Princess is in another Castle!"
Star Fox 64: Slippy
Sonic: Water
 

ZippyDSMlee

New member
Sep 1, 2007
3,959
0
0
All games have issues I can't find a one I can't nit pick at just a bit.

Half life 2 nerfy weapons and bland level design(even if they are big I was surprised at the lack of nooks and crannies).
 

nicholaxxx

New member
Jun 30, 2009
1,095
0
0
Blazblue: Calamity Trigger. I cannot complain about the game itself, only the players.

Rise of Nations and it's expansion. in my opinion, it is THE best RTS game ever created, bar none

Killzone 2 it's graphics still look amazing and has solid game play to boot

Halo 3 by far the most balanced FPS to date.
 

Atmos Duality

New member
Mar 3, 2010
8,473
0
0
So many Tetris advocates...though that's to be expected with simple games.
The fewer the working parts, the fewer things to cock up.

There is no such thing as a game that cannot be criticized, lest we throw opinions and subjective reasoning out the door.
 

TheGreenManalishi

New member
May 22, 2008
1,363
0
0
Super Mario 64. Simply celestial perfection.
MiracleOfSound said:
A Link to the Past



I literally can't think of anything bad to say about it.
Hmm, now you've gone all Zelda on me, I could put ALTTP, Link's Awakening and Ocarina up with SM64.

My God, Nintendo, how wonderful you once were.
 

johnhatem

New member
Jun 23, 2010
7
0
0
So is anybody going provide a perfect non critique to a game so we can see the game accepts the non critique and thus is above being criticized?

I couldn't criticize a perfect game. I just couldn't. Oh, wait, I could. No I can't. Bah, I can.

Game is an alternate reality over yours, that is constructed and fake. A valid game feeling real doesn't redefine it's reality about 5 times or every 6 minutes because of incompetence of the makers, that tie the bits with chewing gum because they are meh. Reality = body & persistence, whatever the game is. No body, no game. Not symbols, but quantities. Symbolism always sucked. Let's behold it's symbolishness and awe in it's descriptive qualities.

So perfect games are those good games having a huge piece of perfect in them, I'd say more than 85%. There are no best games because they are perfect; like there is no mighty God, but just a universe. Give me any game and I'll trash it 100 pages. Except Deus Ex & Half-Life & Undying & Commandos, but I'd inflict serious damage to any but Deus Ex & Half-Life. See the continuous stream of perfect in a game as all you're ever gonna get and forget the rest. When communism fell over here and we got many movies, not one a week, every thing was better than the other. Now we're westernized and this stupid attitude of feeling unimpressed because you wasted your time/brain/mind/curiosity/deep feeling with the garbage layers seems inescapable.

Deus Ex - 97-98% perfect. Bad graphics? You're paranoid. Not enough action? It's in your head, read on about Doom, play it and shut up about Ex. Something else? No, of course not. Oh, it has crates, for a perfect game.

Half-Life - 98% perfect. Xen disappointing? You're virgin. You've never seen a great river. Not been in the jungle. You never guessed you're actually eating animals. Did you ever cut the throat of a chicken yourself? Salami is made of meat residue from the meat factory and you have guts in your belly with billions of bacteria inside, that feed with your own food and shit chemical compounds in your intestines, killing bad germs with acid, giving you life and well being.

Half-Life 2 - 96% perfect.
They took Half-Life, they continued to new stuff, but the recipe is faulty. The story through presented facts, instead of action suggesting facts, like Half-Life. This is all over the game. The interface in Half-Life was sharp and stinging in everything conceptualizable. Half-Life 2 got bigger, softer and more complex, but not ripe, instead dumb, lazy and shallow. It's more game, more story, more betterness, more everything, so it goes up to the 96% I give it because it's more to much more in every way, except pure(!) quality. Which is purely sabotaged to get success from gfx drooling 12 year olds. It's beauti-full.

Grand Theft Auto 1 - 98%. Sidewalk to sidewalk action. This one is a sweet sick son of a *****. I'd kill my ol' ma' to have another one, the old hag. (Just kidding, children. Be safe and smart! Don't kill your parents for a game.) Graphics old? Chess is from wood. Uninvolving storyline? You're driving too slow. Reinvent yourself! Go back to the past! Feel the difference!

Soul Reaver 1 - 69% perfect. Haunting like an LSD trip in hell. Everything bad sinks in. I'd give it 100%, but the big maps and bad sighting ability of vampires get some bad out of the infinity of evil this game has.

Clive Barker's Undying - 99% perfect. Coz of two minor things: the speed thing maxed out is complete overkill ugly cheat. Should had a max of 3 gems. Not trading everything to max out to 6 feels like giving away divinity because Zeus is in fact some stupid old senile pyro that's lame. 2nd fact: Clive is gay and they "produced" a huge lame mother vagina as a boss to give him a slap over coz he made a perfect game. You ruined 1% of a totally perfect game, you selfish bitches. There's so much depth of feeling in the chilly halls of that land you can cut through it with a knife and feel the sweating of cold blood through all your pores.

Blood 1 - 89%. This game is violent pure insanity.

Portal - 99%. Unreal boss, stupid scope of the research facility. Even in a conspiracy the size of the moon there wouldn't be such a big place for brainwashing just one man at a time like this. This is how much this matters: 1%. You know that impossible best sex you failed that time? Why would it need to be 10 hours long? You can't even get the two hours and you complain about two perfect ones you didn't even get? Yes, yes, laugh at the game, two hours of nice little jumping around, what's the point. It's not like you can't look the other way and it's not there anymore. And if it is, it's just painted textures and things bouncing off walls. It's not like there would be some unimaginably tough, evil, twisted thing in life that feels exactly like that. Oh, those cute little legs, tell me about it. Games are for fun. Escape From Castle Combine has nothing on you. It's pretentious and short. It will never happen to you to get crippled and search for the light through stupid games you play for no apparent reason. You can get outside your house and get to fight the real enemy anytime. This is the real deal and that's why you must have true and long lasting fun. Because they are insane. They just don't get our system and want to destroy the luxury and freedom we deserve for following the tight and narrow. And they want our cake, but you know what? They can have it! Bring it on! on! on!

Commandos - Behind Enemy Lines - 100%. Play without saves, until your nerves crack up. Then 2 saves per mission. I hate to tell you, but if enemy soldiers had guns, they'd kill you if they knew where you are for 1 second. It's not like you can play around. This ain't a game, boy. If you want the real deal, do the deed. Delete the save folder. I did.

Aliens vs Predator 1 - 83%. Try and save the game. Oh, man, this game rules. If you can't tie your shoelaces you won't survive. The feeling at the end of Darkstar, almost all the time. Every second you can't save adds up to tension that never diminishes until the end.

That new flashy slow gray hires game - 27%. You might like it a lot, but you are sick with stupid and nobody likes you. Never take drugs, don't speak the devil's name, about the CIA, terrorists and gangs and mafia, enjoy the little things and modesty, always bow your head and be non violent and courteous. You'll be just fine. A while. Even commenting on a forum about crappy games could stamp you excessive. Be nice and don't tell they suck, it's only your opinion, and other people much stupider than you might get absolutely all their enjoyment out of their game if you say it's absolute moronic crap, because they might shoot you dead. Be safe. Be smart - be dumb! People will hate you if you don't have a big gun and large vehicles. That will intimidate them and make them talk nicely about how good their game is, according to their shared opinion.

Mortal Kombat 3 Ultimate - 50%. The other 50 is cheesy crap. There was nothing stronger and more powerful than MK2. Then MK3 compared to MK2 felt like Terminator 2 compared to Rambo. "There is no knowledge that is not power." then thunder, then the cold metal blue hands of T1000 chainsawed slowly on your bones. You will never win! You will never be better than this game! You weak pathetic fool! ...talk about advanced technology for hating your virtual opponent. Man, I had a full blown body rage to smash the tv and console and that stupid moronic evil smirk of Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat characters to oblivion. Mature, primitive gameplay totally against you - 50% perfect.

Little Big Adventure 2 - 85%. Adventure, aimed at kids, nice for everybody. Not a single frustrating moment (if you find the protection spell).

Counter-Strike - 98% in serious play. 25% in non clan. You know? It's a realistic game. With bullshit waiting because you got busted and the next round you'll get it back to those noobs then quit the server. This time for real.

Command & Conquer's dos installation - 100%. Remember when you thought that that little loading bar actually fills in the game content into the monitor, like God created land piece by piece with his hand? Man, that thing was earth shattering. Unmatched until Half-Life's train ride to the nice little job underground. That moment kicked Hollywood's ass permanently. Command & Conquer is a real game. It has no console, no cheats. 100% contiguity. You didn't even remember the logic or need for save game in gameplay, so no abuses. The trend towards obligatory innovation comes from the fabulous innovation that 3-4 games like this one made then. Game reviewers in magazines, school drop-outs and general failures, they kept dreaming far more at that unnamable feeling. Then some readers, punks drooling at more revenge at their parents took the byte in and created the kind of arrogant discourse that the new game brought little to no new elements. The chess board is the same, the king is the same, the rook is the same, but no, the failures reviewing games want something new. Instead of the same but better.

Painkiller - 97%. It's problem is it doesn't fluctuate your biological action so that after ultra intensity you'll need a rest. Poor AI, perfect stupidity. It could have been a major 100% game. Perfect fighting would have required another third or half of the effort, but it would have surpassed Doom completely.

That game with the story - 88%. Are you gonna tell the story to somebody? New games are needed with new stories, always.

That game with the skill - 85+%. It never gets old. But some do and we need the same but better. Not different, better. Little commercials in tight places on the walls and the games would live forever.

That game with the story through skill - 90+%. It's over, we need 2-4 more of the same. Then new games with new stories and other skill combinations. Here are the majority of games. Their problem is graphics - it kills story and gameplay. You are either a retard or a child and want graphics, or not and want enough graphics and vicious gameplay.

That mmorpg that gathers levels: put them in your bag, coz it's really fun to gather the sands of time grain by grain. I bet you never read philosophy. The techno tree is ripped out of philosophy books. I already know the 39th level dude, click on! These games don't fluctuate. You don't have a consciousness. You don't have a life.

The 150% game: ~"cat". Real life game. One kid is the cat and the others are all mice. The cat must touch a mouse to make him the cat. The mice run around the cat to tease it. Try it if you're not overweight.
HINT mofos: (I hate your games no this is not it) take the Quake engine, that has running, acceleration and make the "Cat" game. The closer the mice get to the cat, the faster their points accumulate. The farther, the slower. This game would live forever. Everybody would try to tweak the running speed/rules and points-distance factor. No two mods would be the same and there will always be a best one. A thousand maps and commercials in it. A simple game.
You won't do it because you don't have the balls and you're stupid. The ultimate proof that the game industry is a zombie. I never had this much fun in a computer game and will never have. It's more funny and engaging than any sport, coz sports in general are hard and challenging; but the ~cat is pure fun, until you're out of power.
Try this up for size, Nintendo. I jump therefore I am, I accelerate constantly in all directions, therefore I am even more.
I can't picture men with guns in their hands having this fun. Guns are serious fucking business.

Doom 2 - no rating. Dude, you ever felt you really want to kill someone? That's how visceral the fight to kill those robot "eee eee eee eee" brains was at times. With cheat weapons, hardest difficulty. That's 100% and I hunted those moments in the game with godmode and level skip. You're fired on, you fire at continue, they keep coming, you dodge, you surround, you can hardly take the right decisions fast enough, the sound screeches in your ears loud like a hammer, you want to kill it off, you're blown with rockets and chaingun from every side and each one determines a shrill in your brain and compulsion in your hands and fingers. This was biologically a true fight. 4-5 monsters killed in the time some net game fades out in the dying sequence. Now I can't remember the game so I can't tell the perfectness percent but is there a game today to involve you so HARD? What the hell are all the developers doing? This is my 100% percent: a super strong fight on both sides. I'm sick and tired of every meh cheating piece of shit out there. I want involvement on all layers of biology. Me doing stuff, not the game happening around me like a majestic piece of shit while I press the x button in quicktime. Addictive gaming is the best gaming. Producers are just too lame to do it and that's it. They don't win more, they win less, but with an increased statistical probability.

The moral is: see the hard block of "perfect" in a game. Or, what you will get is weapons large as a tank and unlimited saves to be able to not care and nice graphics that will immerse you in the non-action suspense saved by game-save, that is created, in critics' opinion, by the nice siding of shit with the shit on top of it near shit above shit near shit.

Perfection, limitation, ambition, addiction sell better than lame slow games for brainwashing 12 year old kids into buying the stuff for some years more. I would buy more games with 2004 graphics, intelligent, cheap to make, addictive, than 12 years old kids, up until forever and so would the majority of future consumers.

Virtual adrenaline addicts are you with me? Are you sick and tired of hollow stare gaming? Do you want this to be our future? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuI_nCADnW0 [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuI_nCADnW0]
 

Treeinthewoods

New member
May 14, 2010
1,228
0
0
I didn't read all nine pages, but has anyone mentioned solitaire? That game plays exactly like it should. Also I vote for Minesweeper.
 

Brad Shepard

New member
Sep 9, 2009
4,393
0
0
Arisato-kun said:


It's of my personal opinion that this is as close to gaming perfection as we've gotten. Likeable characters, great voicework, an interesting storyline with unexpected twists, a genuinely fun battle system and one of the deepest fusion systems in a game to date. The only thing that you can really complain about is the hour and a half before you really start getting into Social Links, dungeon crawling and fusing but that's about it.
Thats the thing, me and my Girlfriend argue on which one was better, 3 or 4, I think it was 4 to tell the truth
 

Ih8pkmn

New member
Apr 20, 2010
702
0
0
Portal(Duh)

Fallout 3. A bit glitchy, but other than that, it is FUCKING AWESOME. Name me one other game where you get to nuke a town.

Chrono Trigger. I got the DS version, and wow. Play it before you expire

Earthbound.
 

gjendemsjo

New member
May 11, 2010
281
0
0
Half life 2:Episode 2
Portal
Deus Ex
Paper mario
Paper Mario The thousand year door
Super mario galaxy
 

Uncanny Doom

Regular Member
May 24, 2010
46
0
11
BioShock
Mass Effect 2
Resident Evil 4
Super Mario Galaxy & Super Mario Galaxy 2
Metroid Prime
Halo 3
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
Final Fantasy IX
God of War
Braid