Videogame protagonist you wouldn't want to be

[thethingthatlurks]

Lara Croft. Aside from the sex change, I'd hate to wake up to hordes of PETA protesters outside my mansions, who aren't too pleased with my efforts to exterminate the local animals at the sites of my erm "archeological expeditions." Oh, and the rest of the academic community wanting to murder me for my erm "enthusiasm" isn't too nice either...

 

[Gyrefalcon]

The elephant from "Achievement Unlocked"!

 

[Baron von Blitztank]

Nathan Drake.

Spoiler

Can't go ten seconds without having guys trying to shoot you, being attacked by supernatural zombies or mutants, being attacked by helicopters or frikken' TANKS, being sentenced to prison, having your loved ones nearly die, nearly falling to your death, being caught up in train wrecks...

JUST GIVE THE GUY A BREAK WILL YA!

 

[Flight]

I would never want to be Kratos, Tidus, or James (from Silent Hill 2).

 

[thatonekid]

Its been said before but Isaac Clark has the most fucked up situation hands down

 

[y4g3r]

Or Turok (the originals)?

Seriously, this guy is a native american who is taken away from his life of teepees and casinos and flung out into the galaxy to fight... Giant battle armoured lizards and dinosaurs with only a bow and arrow? WTF "good" alien races? Not enough technology to spare after teleporting me across the universe to give me some form of energy based weapon?

 

[The Scythian]

A Total War peasant. Those guys must be so horrified to be fighting, I'm surprised they don't route immediately.

 

[atomictoast]

Chell from Portal.

Seriously, even 100 years in the future she's still trapped with GLaDoS.

 

[omega_peaches]

Isaac Clarke
Gordon Freeman
Doomguy
Jack from Bioshock
Neku from TWEWY

 

[keyLIMEpiez]

Mario, every week i have to save some dumbass bimbo who wont ever give me any 'rewards'

 

[Edward Elgar's BFF]

Spyro.
I don't want to get frozen in a big crystal, and I most certainly don't want to get tied to a mouthy black dragon and then fight an evil superpower while tied to her.
*shudder*

 

[Nouw]

Any SPARTAN. Seriously, conscripted at the age of six to fight the Covenant. Trained rigorously for years until you undergo the genetic treatment, which might kill you and hurts like a ************ for days if not weeks. Then, for the rest of your life, you're a soldier. You fight. Watch your friends and allies die. And then YOU die.

I don't know about you, but THAT sucks.

You think Spartans have it bad? 2 Words: Space Marine. Not counting Video Games, the Starship Troopers from the Book.

I would never want to be the Doom Guy. You're stuck on Mars fighting endless waves of zombies and demons. Have fun.

 

[Flishiz]

Gordon Freeman, obviously. I would have nothing but survival to look forward to each and every day, and I don't watch enough Man vs Wild to fantasize about that, regardless of how big my guns will be.

Yeah, but you get Alyx Vance. I guess that's cool.

I would not want to be the Vault Dweller. That would suck horribly.

I feel like the constant threat of brutal murder from every angle in between getting see-saws and mechanic lifts to work would impair my ability to, *ahem* perform.

 

[EPolleys]

I would hate to be either Kain or Raziel from Legacy of Kain. Raziel was sentenced to death by Kain for growing wings before he did. About a thousand years later (I think...) he was resurrected by an "all knowing entity" or "the Elder God" so he could use him to his own ends.
Kain on the other hand has the guilt of knowing he doomed his entire world for not killing himself, as well as setting the events in motion which led up to the need for his death in order to restore balance.
Tough break for either one of these guys.

 

[Terminate421]

Though, you have the coolest looking suit ever, that doesn't matter, your still on an infected ship, the definition of totally fucked. (Plus you go insane after words)

I have not played this game yet!

The good news is I didn't spoil anything.
The bad news is that you didn't play it yet. Do it now. Its amazing.

 

[Tinneh]

Gordon Freeman, obviously. I would have nothing but survival to look forward to each and every day, and I don't watch enough Man vs Wild to fantasize about that, regardless of how big my guns will be.

Yeah, but you get Alyx Vance. I guess that's cool.

I would not want to be the Vault Dweller. That would suck horribly.

I feel like the constant threat of brutal murder from every angle in between getting see-saws and mechanic lifts to work would impair my ability to, *ahem* perform.

And you'd have to watch out for...

-puts on sunglasses-

...crabs.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

 

[Tenkage]

Any Main Character in a shooter Game, I don't care if my health comes back, Bullets hurt, and thats not cool.

also Mario, I break my back to kill a f*cking turtle and for what, a "Thank you Mario" and thats it....Man the things I do for love....or would be getting if she didn't put out... LOL