Wanting another guy's girl
- Thread starter Griffolion
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Trust me, they always break up. You've got biology working for you, Humans are by nature promiscuous and always end up getting bored with each other. Anyone who wants to try arguing the existence of the "long and happy" marriage, I'll be quite happy to contest that mythGriffolion said:
Edit: Anyone else have "Jessie's Girl" stuck in their head because of this thread?
I'm right there with you pal. A co-worker of mine, who I've been close to ever since I started working there and has always been kind of flirtatious with me, recently admitted to me that she was attracted to me. I told her I felt the same way. However, she's in a long term relationship with someone she loves. After getting to know the guy a bit, he seems like a really decent person. Ultimately, I decided to just let it go, the way I felt that is. We were friends before and I don't want to be that asshole whose trying to snake his way into some kind of relationship. It's still a bit awkward at times hanging out with the both of them, but...drinking helps :-]. If you really appreciate her as a friend, I say let it be. No reason to continue dwelling on those feelings if you don't feel it's right to act on them.
bringer of illumination said:
Pfft shows what you know, id totaly do the exact same in his situation. If a guy cares about a girl having another guy steal them would mess with their head its possibly the worst feeling ever. Any guy who steals a girl totaly deserves a serious beating. And the same goes for a guy cheating on his girlfriend. Cheating or making somebody cheat is a massive dick move, i totaly condone the the beating of people that do it.
Happens all the time, but there is one thing you should know, I'm not saying to INCITE the events leading to their breakup, but if they break up, go for it. If she's happy leave her be, but don't blow her off.
You see, everyone claims "Bros before hos" but that's clearly a lie, relationships ALWAYS change things and you know it as well as I do. And honestly, if you REALLY care about her, life's too short to not take the opportunities presented.
My advice: Be a friend to them both, bide your time, and if the situation ever presents itself, go for it. Until then, try to focus your attention elsewhere without ignoring your friends.
You see, everyone claims "Bros before hos" but that's clearly a lie, relationships ALWAYS change things and you know it as well as I do. And honestly, if you REALLY care about her, life's too short to not take the opportunities presented.
My advice: Be a friend to them both, bide your time, and if the situation ever presents itself, go for it. Until then, try to focus your attention elsewhere without ignoring your friends.
I know it seems odd but I don't know, it just felt wrong. She had been going out with my best friend for over two years and they'd only been broken up a couple of months. Plus, My best friend, myself and her all go to the same college. Would just have been so so awkward for the both of us.Nimcha said:
And that's a way to go to jail. You may think someone deserves physical violence who isn't a physical threat to you, but the law doesn't agree. And mental healthcare professionals recommend people who beat up other people because they are mad go to anger management and get professional help. And my mother said to my sister, any man who gets violent like that is not a man you should ever date.bulbasaur said:
So. If my sister were dating a guy that warned her in advance that he couldn't control his anger and may get physically violent, I'd insist she leave that guy immediately...and so would my entire family and all her friends.
Now for the other side of the story, the "I'm a scumbag" part of the story. My mother's had another piece of advice (besides don't date violent people). That was this: If they person you are dating tells you they are an asshole/scumbag/*****, believe them, and then don't date them.
So all three of y'all (Bringer of Illumination, Maker of Roads, and bulbasaur) are not allowed to date my sister.
I have felt this way, particularly recently. At the heart of the matter is this : Do you follow your heart and take a shot at your own happiness or take the moral high ground and sacrifice your happiness unknown to the couple in question?
When I was in my 20's I had no compunction 'liberating' a girl that I had feelings for. It did not make me many friends, but I preferred loving relationships over bromances back then. Back then I stole (though I hate that word...to me it implies ownership of a woman) a few girlfriends.
Now that I am in my mid 30's I just don't go through the hassle of pursuing a woman already in a relationship. When I don't get them away it sucks for me, and when I do get them...the relationship is seldom as good )or as long term) as I had hoped it would be.
My advice to you is to distance yourself from the friend and the girl you like that he is dating. Find other things to do and wait until you hear that they broke up. If you relay like this girl and want to be with her, you will have to risk alienating your friend by dating his ex-gf...which is almost as bad (in the bro-code) as stealing her away.
Bottom line...friendship or love...often in life you cannot have your cake and eat it too...
When I was in my 20's I had no compunction 'liberating' a girl that I had feelings for. It did not make me many friends, but I preferred loving relationships over bromances back then. Back then I stole (though I hate that word...to me it implies ownership of a woman) a few girlfriends.
Now that I am in my mid 30's I just don't go through the hassle of pursuing a woman already in a relationship. When I don't get them away it sucks for me, and when I do get them...the relationship is seldom as good )or as long term) as I had hoped it would be.
My advice to you is to distance yourself from the friend and the girl you like that he is dating. Find other things to do and wait until you hear that they broke up. If you relay like this girl and want to be with her, you will have to risk alienating your friend by dating his ex-gf...which is almost as bad (in the bro-code) as stealing her away.
Bottom line...friendship or love...often in life you cannot have your cake and eat it too...
Same boat here, slightly different creek.
I've been friends with the girl for about two years, and for the past year or so we've gotten together to hang out just about every Friday night. I pick her up from work, we have dinner at some point (sometimes I cook, sometimes we get fast food, occasionally we'll go someplace a bit nicer), and we usually hang out at my apartment until after midnight. Pretty much a dating-style scenario by most standards.
At one point during the summer, though, she informed me that she had a boyfriend. The twist here is that she'd never actually met the guy in person; he lived all the way across the country and they'd met online. This raised all kinds of red flags for me, but I figured I had to let her make her own decisions. About a month later, she flew to the East coast to meet him and bring him back. Currently, they're living in the same house, if not the same room.
She and I still do our usual Friday-night thing, and he joins us every once in a while. Now I'll grant that I'm heavily biased?and I don't know what they get up to when I'm not around?but it still seems that she and I act more like a couple than she does with her "boyfriend." And, talking to some mutual friends, I've found that opinions range from not liking him at all and thinking he's creepy to wondering just why they're together in the first place (since it seems the only people who have any idea are the two involved) to being surprised that the relationship has lasted this long.
I'm still into her, and it feels like she's at least a little bit interested in me. (If not, she's doing a very good job of bluffing.) Her current relationship seems doomed to fail, and I feel like I'd have a decent shot with her when it does. But the waiting?and trying to piece the puzzle together for myself?is killing me.
I've been friends with the girl for about two years, and for the past year or so we've gotten together to hang out just about every Friday night. I pick her up from work, we have dinner at some point (sometimes I cook, sometimes we get fast food, occasionally we'll go someplace a bit nicer), and we usually hang out at my apartment until after midnight. Pretty much a dating-style scenario by most standards.
At one point during the summer, though, she informed me that she had a boyfriend. The twist here is that she'd never actually met the guy in person; he lived all the way across the country and they'd met online. This raised all kinds of red flags for me, but I figured I had to let her make her own decisions. About a month later, she flew to the East coast to meet him and bring him back. Currently, they're living in the same house, if not the same room.
She and I still do our usual Friday-night thing, and he joins us every once in a while. Now I'll grant that I'm heavily biased?and I don't know what they get up to when I'm not around?but it still seems that she and I act more like a couple than she does with her "boyfriend." And, talking to some mutual friends, I've found that opinions range from not liking him at all and thinking he's creepy to wondering just why they're together in the first place (since it seems the only people who have any idea are the two involved) to being surprised that the relationship has lasted this long.
I'm still into her, and it feels like she's at least a little bit interested in me. (If not, she's doing a very good job of bluffing.) Her current relationship seems doomed to fail, and I feel like I'd have a decent shot with her when it does. But the waiting?and trying to piece the puzzle together for myself?is killing me.
Yeah, I've been there. Actually, I'll do you one better (or worse, whichever).Griffolion said:
So, as probably everyone in the forums knows by now, I'm bi. Several years ago, there was this really really attractive girl in the theater department who I wanted really badly. We had wonderful chemestry, she was great to hang out with. So I asked her out. Turns out, she wasn't gay (or bi) and had no interest in me (but still wanted to be friends). I also had this male friend who I liked, (I was totally crushing on him), and I would flirt with him a lot, but he wasn't all that interested in me because he saw us as just friends and he wanted his first time to be with someone special who he was in love with. Fair enough.
So this girl, who I like, and this guy, who's my friend, who I like, meet each other through me - and start dating. And start sleeping together. I should mention that I was in a co-ed dorm, and his room was across the hall from mine, so when I went out to the bathroom or whatever I could HEAR them having sex when I walked past his room. This goes on for months - I got so frustrated that I started going out with this other guy who I had no real interest in (he asked me out, so I figured what the hell) just so I could have a distraction.
So not only were two of my friends dating, and not only did I want to date both of them, but I'm the one who accidently introduced them to one another and got them to start dating in the first place. Cue the Alanis.
Anyway, yeah, that situation always sucks. My heart goes out to you - and hopefully my former misery will make you feel slightly better due to the schedenfreuda (sorry, can't spell german words worth crap).
I think it has happened to the vast majority of guys at some point in their lives, and I imagine the same for women/girls too.
Although I have never had it happen to someone who was already in a relationship.
To clarify: I have been attracted to people who then entered relationships, but I have never felt attraction to someone who was already in one.
My brain/body seems to switch off the hormones in that situation.
Handy really.
Although I have never had it happen to someone who was already in a relationship.
To clarify: I have been attracted to people who then entered relationships, but I have never felt attraction to someone who was already in one.
My brain/body seems to switch off the hormones in that situation.
Handy really.
I know you didn't mean anything by it, but people aren't prizes to be won or stolen. If she likes you and wants to break off the old relationship, she'll do it on her own.Griffolion said:
Good lord that is so sad ;( I hope when you said former misery you mean it's better now, Fuck... you know what never mind I need to stop prying into people's private lives, I'm being rude.Bara_no_Hime said:
From my experience, how little it might actually be. You are screwed, simple as that, unless you can actually move on.
You know the couple and hesitate, good chance you are friend with both, and if it ever do go down, well the "current" boyfriend might count on you as a support or something and you won't be able to play your cards with the love interest, because it might be seen as a dick move by many.
Then, you keep your eye open for signs from the love interest, fate tease you a lot but probably in vain and you too get shot down for getting your hope up. Depending on the degree of interest in the person, you'll think about the situation and what you could have done better a lot, years later (hopefully it'll stop, you might think it did after a while, but no, it'll come back).
So your best bet is probably to move on the best you can, hope they stay together if they both seem happy, and wish they don't ironically want you to be the guy who keep speaking and makes speeches at the wedding.
You know the couple and hesitate, good chance you are friend with both, and if it ever do go down, well the "current" boyfriend might count on you as a support or something and you won't be able to play your cards with the love interest, because it might be seen as a dick move by many.
Then, you keep your eye open for signs from the love interest, fate tease you a lot but probably in vain and you too get shot down for getting your hope up. Depending on the degree of interest in the person, you'll think about the situation and what you could have done better a lot, years later (hopefully it'll stop, you might think it did after a while, but no, it'll come back).
So your best bet is probably to move on the best you can, hope they stay together if they both seem happy, and wish they don't ironically want you to be the guy who keep speaking and makes speeches at the wedding.
<spoiler=Not, I repeat, NOT how I feel>http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_woU5s2fwbZo/SultT7zw5zI/AAAAAAABNx8/66M8P4SQU7E/s400/Couragewolf26.jpg
This is why I dont encourage/endorse Courage Wolf.
So more seriously. One of my better friends was in that spot with the girl I was with. He flat out told me his opinion, and I respected it, though I told him not to do anyhting that would mess up our friendship, since it would mess up hers with us and hurt her too.
And of course, he said yes, but told me if the chance arose, he would swoop in and be there, and I said of course. And the girl had no knowledge of any of this (at least we didnt tell her, but she has a way of picking up on things). Then she died, so the world had its way of working things out I suppose.
So, OT, i dont know. I'd be honest with your friend, but not tell her. Just let him know how you feel, but dont say you'll be there to get her if they break up. That will make it worse. Just say that you like her, and be honest, but that you want them to succeed as a relationship. Besides, maybe you'll meet another girl you really like, and will make all this invalid.
This is why I dont encourage/endorse Courage Wolf.
So more seriously. One of my better friends was in that spot with the girl I was with. He flat out told me his opinion, and I respected it, though I told him not to do anyhting that would mess up our friendship, since it would mess up hers with us and hurt her too.
And of course, he said yes, but told me if the chance arose, he would swoop in and be there, and I said of course. And the girl had no knowledge of any of this (at least we didnt tell her, but she has a way of picking up on things). Then she died, so the world had its way of working things out I suppose.
So, OT, i dont know. I'd be honest with your friend, but not tell her. Just let him know how you feel, but dont say you'll be there to get her if they break up. That will make it worse. Just say that you like her, and be honest, but that you want them to succeed as a relationship. Besides, maybe you'll meet another girl you really like, and will make all this invalid.