Welcome to Sburb! (Dead and Over)

[ArcNitemare]

>Greg:Watch Imps scramble

Well,they weren't very helpful.And you still don't have a key.You will give this DOOR one more try before you head back to check one of the other paths.

You try knocking on the DOOR this time.Can't be any worse then the other things you have tried....Oh who are you kidding?Of course it could be.

 

[SamuelT]

GMFaU: Adher to GodMonster's rules.

>FIRST GUARDIAN: FUCKING ACROBATIC SHOOSH OFF THE PAP

>UNIMAGINATIVE ASSHOLE: THROW FURST GUARDIAN SPEARZORZ

 

[Connor Lonske]

>Connor: Hey, guy!

Yeah, you, what's your name? (You ask the guard) Your wondering what's going on? You didn't mean to be rude.

>Cool Guy: Avoid dieing?

Well how? You can't draw? All you know is situational humor and philosophy.

>Cool Guy: Wait for impending doom.

Well at least you get to die in tribute to you two favorite things. Lonely Island(totally stole their boat) and SBaHJ (even if you can't snop for shit).

 

[WafflesandBacon]

Waffles: Observe the fight
Oh, not this shit, again.

>Waffles: Yell at the fighters
CAN'T WE GO FIVE MINUTES WITHOUT SOME NON-CANONICAL BULLSHIT!? IT THAT SO HARD TO ASK!?

>===>
That'll teach 'em.

[hr]
>Xavier: Descend and destroy
You slowly descend to the ground, you inadvertently kick up some dust.

>Xavier: Say something cool
You fuckasses have 3 seconds to step fuck away the gate.

>===>
1...

>===>
2...

>3?

 

[Pappytech]

>Chas: You create the MIDNIGHT ROCKETPACK! Pchoooooooo. All there really is to say about that.

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>Greg: Your KNOCKS fail to open the LOCKED DOOR. Awwww...

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>GMFAU: Yes, bend to my will! I control you! Muahahahahahahaha!

Continue duking it out with Dirk. It pleases me.

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>Connor: The black man folds up his newspaper. Reaching into a pocket he pulls out a RED 2-D DIAMOND. He then proceeds to throw said RED 2-D DIAMOND at you.

The projectile barely grazes you, leaving a slight cut on your shoulder. -1 HIT POINTS.

The man retrieves his newspaper, and continues reading.

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>Xavier: The BASILISKS attack you.

 

[SamuelT]

>GMFAU: Yes, bend to my will! I control you! Muahahahahahahaha!
[...]
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http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/04080.gif

 

[Pappytech]

>GMFAU:... ok. That's fine too.

 

[ArcNitemare]

>Greg:Threaten Door then leave

What would threatening the DOOR do?Make it shake off its hinges?Ya right.

You point at the IMPS as you walk back through the way you came into this ROOM,telling them to behave.

You return to the previous corridor and go to the WEST this time.You hope your LUCK will be better.

 

[Connor Lonske]

>Cool Guy: Die happy

Why would you do that if you can swim? Whatever, your not too off the shores of Jersey, lets hope you get as little contact with the people there as needed. Still, at least someone though your joke was funny.

>Connor: OK, that guys not to be fucked with.

Yeah, he seems pretty badass, and also strangely familiar. Diamonds and spades? God, this game has the Midnight Crew in it! You better get back to sleep before Spades stabs the shit out of you.

But wait, they probably can't wake you up if you go to sleep, which disproves one of your hypothesis about dreams, and also means there gonna want you to stay wake. You better think on your next course of action.

>Connor: Take a close observation of the area outside your prison with out pissing off the Diamond Droog look alike character.

 

[CJ1145]

>Dirk: Have alluded-to conversation with Chas

You are busy walking around your HOUSE looking BADASS when you bump into CHAS and have a little CHAT.

Spoiler: Show pesterlog

-- snickeringSurrogate [SS] began pestering stabsSalesman [SS] at 15:23 --
SS: hey dirk!
SS: sorry i kind of walked past you.
SS: letage showed up again!
SS: =]=> Really?
SS: yeah!
SS: =]=> What did she say?
SS: well, let's see.
SS: we caught up.
SS: told her about the boss fight and everything.
SS: i'm also sorry for the laser hat dance.
SS: i had to go alchemize something secret.
SS: and i needed to distract you.
SS: =]=> There was a laser hat dance?
SS: wow, you are really hard to distract.
SS: i danced around for like two minutes shooting lasers out of every laser orifice i have.
SS: =]=> Having more than one laser orifice is disconcerting.
SS: =]=> Hell having one laser orifice is kind of unsettling, come to think of it.
SS: i have many!
SS: let's see.
SS: my hat shoots lasers, my shoes shoot lasers, i have a backup pair of laser glasses...
SS: =]=> I have a keyblade now.
SS: oh, cool.
SS: i have a glowing spork.
SS: =]=> Cool. And, in case you couldn't tell, I now have the most badass fucking clothes I've ever seen.
SS: i have a hat that shoots lasers.
SS: but, anyway!
SS: we need to discuss planning.
SS: =]=> Oh, fine. Whatever. So what kind of plans are we talking about here?
SS: pretty important ones!
SS: me and letage started discussing plans again.
SS: she gave me a jetpack.
SS: i think it's a jetpack, anyway.
SS: she just said 'flying machine'.
SS: =]=> Oh. Cool. Anything else?
SS: well, uh...
SS: i think we should probably split up.
SS: =]=> Split up? Why the hell would we do that?
SS: well, look.
SS: we're the two most kick-assingest dudes this side of the medium.
SS: but our team is severely behind.
SS: =]=> Yeah, they really need to be getting their shit together, don't they?
SS: so look.
SS: here's my idea and not letage's at all.
SS: i take the jetpack, which i have merged with a black jumpsuit to keep the look up.
SS: and i give you illire's maps.
SS: his shitty maps.
SS: =]=> OK... I understand, but I'm still waiting for the sense in this plan.
SS: i will go fly around the shitty desert, entering gates and helping our friends level up.
SS: and maybe investigating people.
SS: and making a stop at my house to make a few choice pieces of gear.
SS: =]=> And in the meantime I'm doing what, exactly?
SS: you're following the maps! continuing on the way!
SS: you and snake eyes can drudge along in your land and play by the rules while i go be the leader.
SS: this plan will work, it was advised to me by an alien.
SS: =]=> Well, it'll get kind of boring with just Snake Eyes and me. But I guess somebody needs to be fucking competent in this game.
SS: so...
SS: i guess we're sort of leaving eachother for now!
SS: =]=> Right. I go save a world and you go keep the other chumps from fucking up theirs.
SS: =]=> And then we all team up and blow the hell out of the Black King, right?
SS: fork yes, you know it!
SS: how about one last bro hug before i go be the hero, man?
SS: i mean we go be the heroes, that is what i meant to say.
SS: =]=> Man you don't fucking ask for a bro hug that is awkward as shit.
SS: =]=> *hug*
SS: alright, let's go save the fucking world.
SS: =]=> Right. Oh, but one last thing.
SS: =]=> Has Letage told you anything on how, exactly, we're supposed to stop the Black King?
SS: nope!
SS: but i like to think i'll either figure it out or wing it.
SS: =]=> Well... shouldn't we be thinking about that?
SS: now i gotta go do my pchoo thing, no time for thinking!
SS: bye!
SS: =]=> Wait but--
-- snickeringSurrogate [SS] ceased pestering stabsSalesman [SS] at 15:44 --

Uh... now what?

>Dirk: Go questing.

Maybe in a bit. You think you'll go talk to KAMINA first.

 

[Pappytech]

>Greg: Heading WEST, you find yourself in another small room. It's populated by a quintet of IMPS, and has a closed door at the WEST end of the room. The door is shut, and does not appear to have any means of opening.

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>Connor: As you begin to examine the area surrounding your cell, you are suddenly interrupted by the sound of a slamming door. You notice that said door is at the top of a flight of stairs, and has just been slammed open by another black-carapaced man. He is wearing a SILLY SPANDEX OUTFIT, which he doffs as soon as the door swings shut behind him.

DD puts down his newspaper, and stands to greet the newcomer. The new guy ignores DD, and approaches your cell. He says hi. By stabbing you in the arm. -15 Hit Points.

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>Dirk:

Spoiler: Show Spritelog

-- kaminaSprite [KS] began pestering stabsSalesman [SS] at 18:57 --
KS: Bro! How've you been?
SS: =]=> Pretty good Kamina. Well, actually, that might be a lie.
SS: =]=> This adventure is fun as hell and saving the world is great but some pretty terrible stuff has gone down.
KS: Yeah, Sburb can be hell at times. You've just got to grit your teeth and keep fighting.
SS: =]=> I know, and so far I've dealt with it. But sometimes it feels like this thing is trying to break us, you know?
KS: Dirk, listen up. There's a reason you and your friends were chosen by Sburb.
SS: =]=> We were chosen?
KS: Yes. You guys have the potential to win this game, to earn the Ultimate Reward.
SS: =]=> Ultimate Reward, huh? Sounds pretty
SS: =]=> Well
SS: =]=> Ultimate, I guess.
SS: =]=> What is it?
KS: Well, if you win, it's your prize.
KS: I can't really tell you what it is; it's up to you to find out.
SS: =]=> I was afraid you'd say that. But, I'm not surprised.
SS: =]=> This game's big on making us do shit ourselves.
SS: =]=> But there sure are a lot of ways to cheat, come to think of it.
KS: Hell yeah there are!
KS: Kick rules to the curb and do the impossible! That's the way a man rolls.
SS: =]=> Damn straight, bro!
SS: =]=> So, with that out of the way I guess I guess I should get to the reason I came.
SS: =]=> To talk, that is.
KS: Yeah? What about?
SS: =]=> Well, I'm not really sure how much you know or see up here but I met up with my best friend Chas a couple hours back.
SS: =]=> And we've been adventuring around the land together.
KS: The guy dressed all in black?
SS: =]=> Yeah, that's him.
KS: Looked kind of crazy.
SS: =]=> Maybe. But I don't think this game lets you stay sane for too long, so I haven't been complaining.
KS: Can't deny that.
SS: =]=> So anyway I guess he's, for better or worse, our leader, and he's just gone off to gather the rest of the guys since they're kind of all behind us.
SS: =]=> But the truth is
SS: =]=> I'm not 100% sure he's ready for that.
KS: Well, if he isn't, then your team's going to suffer for it.
KS: I'm not his guide; I can't really tell what he's going to do.
SS: =]=> I was thinking about that.
SS: =]=> And, I think I have an idea, if it can work.
KS: Oh? What's that?
SS: =]=> Chas wants me to finish the quests in this world, and he'll flip out if he catches me elsewhere, so I've gotta stay here. But is there some way you can follow him?
KS: Follow him? No.
KS: But that reminds me... what level are you now?
SS: =]=> Shit, I've lost track.
KS: Hold on, I can figure it out.
KS: Yep, you're high enough!
SS: =]=> High enough for what?
KS: Here, take this pendant.
SS: =]=> Sweet, what does it do?
KS: You can use it to summon me, wherever you are.
KS: I'll be able to give you advice or back-up, if you need it.
SS: =]=> Wow, thanks bro, this'll come in handy. What other kinds of stuff do I get leveling up?
KS: Well, let's see here... have you found your Time Artifact yet?
KS: Probably acts kind of timey-wimey?
SS: =]=> I have, actually. It's this watch. I was gonna make it into a drill but the game wouldn't let me.
KS: What?!
SS: =]=> That's what I said!
KS: Wait, are you sure your soul is a drill?
KS: It kind of all depends on your soul.
SS: =]=> Well, I've never really seen my soul before, so I don't know. Maybe not?
KS: Well, I'm sure you'll figure that out eventually.
SS: =]=> I mean, I thought spinning just seemed a logical way to direct time travel. I mean, what else spins? A record? I hate records.
SS: =]=> True.
SS: =]=> So why were you asking about the artifact?
KS: Well, it sounds like you already figured it out, but you'll be able to travel through time with it.
KS: So, maybe you could get you from the future to come back and follow Chas around.
SS: =]=> Huh. Never thought of that. I really need to remember I can do that. Thanks for the advice!
KS: Don't mention it bro. It's what I'm here for.
KS: (Anything else you want to say?)
SS: =]=> Yep. One last question. Chas has been kind of suspicious-acting lately. Not dangerous suspicious but seems like he's hiding something.
SS: =]=> (Dirk's gonna start investigating the got tiger I guess)
SS: =]=> Is there anything that might give him some kind of edge over me I'm not aware of?
KS: Well, he might be aiming for the God Tier...
KS: But you guys are way too low to be worrying about that yet.
SS: =]=> Well say I'm just interested then. What's this God Tier thing?
KS: Well, you've been gaining levels right?
SS: =]=> Right.
KS: The God Tier is the level above levels.
SS: =]=> Huh, it seems so obvious now... I guess I'll ask future me more about it.
KS: Probably a good idea. I can't really tell you anything else about it.
SS: =]=> All right; thanks for everything Kamina, I'll call you soon with this thing. I should probably be going.
KS: Alright, good luck Dirk! Use the pendent if you need me.
SS: =]=> Will do, bro!
-- kaminaSprite [KS] ceased pestering stabsSalesman [SS] at 19:22 --

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>Chas: Your MIDNIGHT ROCKETPACK is able to travel at very high speeds. After zooming around the Land of Legends and Ruins for a few minutes, you find the Land's Third Gate. Which is surprisingly unguarded.

 

[Connor Lonske]

>Connor: Say your regular hello.

You fail to think of an ironic musing because you are stabbed in the arm. However it didn't do that much damage, so maybe he doesn't want to kill you. Then again, who knows?

>Connor: Do what the Spades says with out fucking around or talking for one GM post worth of events.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

>You tried to be nice
NOW IT'S TIME TO KILL!

>STABTECH LVL 20: SPACE/LIFE CHAINSAWUUM
(Dear God, that was horrible, I hate myself)
You quickly STAB and SLASH the BASILISKS.

 

[ArcNitemare]

>Greg:Be annoyed

Oh,that is quite easy to do.Another DOOR that is no doubt locked and more IMPS.Least these IMPS don't seem like they want to attack you.

You shake your head.This will not deter you.You will figure something out.

You decide to examine the DOOR to see if you can find any way to open it.

 

[Pappytech]

>Chas: As you rocket through the Third Gate, you suddenly find yourself in the Land of Castles and Frogs. Wow, there are a lot of frogs hopping around here.

You seem to be at the top of a large hill. Behind you is a large, decrepit CASTLE, its door slightly ajar. About a mile away, you can see a small outpost, populated by whatever Consorts this Land has. You also think you see another Gate down there.

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>Connor: The stabby guy introduces himself as Jack Noir. He's an Agent of Derse, and you've been caught trespassing on forbidden grounds. By all rights, you should have already been executed.

But, if you're interested, Jack says he's got a job for you. If you do it, and survive, he might decide to let you go.

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>Xavier: YOUR ATTACK IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD.

You deal significant damage to one of the BASILISKS, but find yourself flanked by his cohort.

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>Greg: Closer examination of the door reveals that it has five crude drawings of IMPS on it.

 

[Connor Lonske]

>Connor: Accept Deal.

You would if you knew what you needed to do. You ask him what the job is.

 

[CJ1145]

>Dirk: ENTER TIMESTREAM

After talking to KAMINASPRITE, you've decided that it's time to get serious in your role as the MENTOR OF TIME. Specifically, by thoroughly abusing your TIME ABILITIES. You take your TIME WATCH and set the time to... oh, FOUR DAYS IN THE FUTURE. That sounds like enough time for you to get powerful enough to protect your BRO. YOU TEAR OPEN A PORTAL IN TIME, AND FLING YOURSELF INTO THE FUTURE, WHERE YOUR EVIL IS LA--oh, wait, sorry, wrong story.

Spoiler

You can't help but wonder where he--Oh. He's right here.

Spoiler

Spoiler: Show pesterlog

-- sesquipedalianScholar [SS] began pestering stabsSalesman [SS] at 19:09 --
SS: So you're finally he--
SS: =]=> DUDE WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CLOAK
SS: What?
SS: =]=> My cloak! and this badass suit! And
SS: =]=> Oh Jesus are those fingerless gloves?
SS: Listen, man, I am just trying to--
SS: =]=> IF MY FUTURE SELF HAS NO SENSE OF FLAIR THEN I WANT TO STAY IN THE PAST DAMN IT--
SS: SHUT THE FUCK UP
SS: =]=> Ow, Jesus dude! That really hurt!
SS: I know it hurt! I remember how much it hurt! Time shit, remember?
SS: =]=> Oh, right.
SS: =]=> Time shit.
SS: I already know why you're here.
SS: =]=> To ask you to go help Chas, yeah.
SS: Damn it me, I just fucking said I know why you're here. You don't have to tell me when I've made it clear I'm up to speed.
SS: =]=> So, tell me, oh great future me, when exactly did I become such a dick?
SS: I don't know, actually. I think it's the hat doing it.
SS: =]=> Well at least it's turned in the right direction.
SS: Yeah, it is... but the urge to flip it turn-ways is really gnawing at me.
SS: =]=> So, another question: why is your equipment so shitty?
SS: Shitty?
SS: =]=> Yeah, you heard me. Seriously is that my original katana you're using?
SS: =]=> Where's the Haruhara Blade? And the Hyperion Gunblade? Hell even my shit Keyblade's a better choice.
SS: Oh. I lost those when--
SS: Wait, shit I can't tell you about that.
SS: =]=> What? Tell me about what?
SS: Nothing. Seriously don't worry about it, I'll take care of it so you'll probably never even need to know what I'm saying.
SS: But really we probably even shouldn't be speaking right now, I've said enough.
SS: Let's get back to where you just were in the timestream and get to work.
SS: =]=> Right. So any advice you can give me?
SS: Yeah, just do what you were already planning on doing, and no matter what keep leveling up as quickly as possible.
SS: Let NOTHING distract you from hitting the top of your echeladder.
SS: =]=> Why?
SS: Just trust me. Grind like a ************ and you will thank me.
SS: Let's go.
-- sesquipedalianScholar [SS] ceased pestering stabsSalesman [SS] at 19:34 --

You and your CRYPTIC FUTURE SELF go back to just a moment after you left to go get him.

Spoiler

He points you off in a seemingly RANDOM DIRECTION and tells you you should head that way to start. He then flees the scene rather appropriately, given how bizarrely like your SIS he looks.

Spoiler

Seriously how does he do that? With the ARMS CROSSED and everything? Man, you can't wait to be that cool. You head up to your PORTAL and head off in the direction he pointed you in.

>Future Dirk: Find Chas

LUCKILY, you already know where he went, and where he's going to be. You activate a few STRIFE SPECIBI to increase your speed and zip right through the NEXT GATE into the next LAND.

Now all you need to do is spot his stupid jetpack...