Well. I'm a fuckin' failure.

[x434343]

Story:
Over the last 4 months, I've been in deep thought over what I want to do during and after my Senior year of high school. I'd like to go to prom, get accepted into a Universdity of California, and somewhere along the line get a girlfriend.

So far, I've found out I'm a failure. How?
-My grandmother doesn't recognize me. She isn't senile/alzheimer's patient. She just doesn't remember my name. I've seen her at least- AT LEAST- 12 times a YEAR for the past 17 years. So, either I don't have too much of an impact on people, or I haven't done anything significant.
-I got yelled at by a freshman that I don't know shit about how a fucking backstage works because I'm on cast and its not the same. To explain, I was on cast for the first time EVER for a play at my school- 11 times before that, I've been on the technical/running crew, and for 5 of those shows, as stage manager (the highest rank before assistant director or technical director). So, my experience isn't worth shit (thanks, fucking freshman.).
-When I've been depressed for, oh, say, the last month, nobody has asked "Why". Either they've yelled at me to stop being sad for five fucking seconds, or they've said, "Feel better" and walked away. Thanks. I'm not useful enough to talk to.
-Girls. Don't get me started, I just can't seem to catch one's eyes. Better yet, I've been the main driving factor behind an event that has started- No bullshit- at least THREE relationships. Not for me, though. Nope. Hardest working person at that event is ignored like hell.
-Finally, I'm apparently unworthy of help. I was holding a flat (stage wall) in a spot for TWENTY MINUTES yesterday in a room full of people WHO SAW ME HOLDING IT and got not one ounce of help. Then, I said, "Fuck it", tarted taking the screw out of it from the floor, and had a guy come up to me and say, "Have you seen my phone?" I responded with an abrupt, "I haven't seen your damned phone, and I'd appreciate it if you'd leave if you aren't going to help." He mumbled something about "trying to help" and then wandered off.

So, yeah. Rate me on a scale of 1-10 of my failure status, 1 being "Not a fail" and 10 being, "Go shoot yourself, you Fail." Then, if you're kind enough, try to help me.

 

[ultrachicken]

I'm not going to rate you because I don't know you, but I will run down the list of various things that happened to you.

1. She may have undiagnosed alzheimers. Or she may hold a grudge against your parents, or this goes beyond you. Don't jump to conclusions.

2. Just because you met a douchebag freshman doesn't make you the failure. Besides, seniors have a reputation for being jerks to freshman (even though it's actually the sophomores who're mean to freshmen); maybe he was venting, or it was a sort of pre-emptive strike based off of a stereotype.

3. I don't know if you've been telling everyone and their dog about your depression, or just your friends. If it's the former, they just don't know you that well. If some random person who I'd barely met came up to me and started sharing their life secrets with me, I'd be a bit repelled. If it's the latter, then maybe you just need better friends, or they just don't understand depression. Most people think it's caused solely by being sad, but it's more commonly caused by chemical imbalances in the brain that the victim can't control. So, those who think that it's caused by sadness will impulsively think, "How can he think his life is bad when there are starving children in Africa?!"

4. Maybe you should just be more aggressive (not physically!). Be friendly, start a conversation with the girl you're interested in. And the fact that you've been the driving force behind so many relationships may earn you a reputation as the "love guru."

5. Again, be aggressive. If you don't ask for help, chances are people will assume you're doing fine. And it sounds like you've been stressed, so don't kick yourself too hard for snapping at that kid.

Basically, try to relax and not worry so much. Don't dwell on your mistakes so much. Everything seems simple in hindsight, but nothing's ever so simple. You're also not alone in being so introspective. Most people are harder on themselves than they need to be, but they don't necessarily show it.

Here's a funny video to cheer you up.

Spoiler: Obligatory Cat Video

 

[x434343]

3. I don't know if you've been telling everyone and their dog about your depression, or just your friends. If it's the former, they just don't know you that well. If some random person who I'd barely met came up to me and started sharing their life secrets with me, I'd be a bit repelled. If it's the latter, then maybe you just need better friends, or they just don't understand depression. Most people think it's caused solely by being sad, but it's more commonly caused by chemical imbalances in the brain that the victim can't control. So, those who think that it's caused by sadness will impulsively think, "How can he think his life is bad when there are starving children in Africa?!"

I haven't told anyone because they wouldn't care. They'd say, "Cheer up" and walk away. See, its not that easy though.

Reasons I'm depressed:
-I was bullied for 5 years, from 8 to 13 years old. By "bullied", I mean I was forced out of class group projects, mocked verbally, ruined emotionally, etc. The goddamn administration of the schools blamed me for it and punished me for being bullied. I'm really fucked up because of that.
-Girls. See OP.
-My Uncle Bob died a few years ago. Yes that was his name. It's jarring towards me because he was my role model up until then. He was why I participate so heavily in Improvisational comedy.

My friends see me sitting down, looking at the ground, and they don't bother to ask WHY. They never have. They can see I'm upset to a great degree, and yet they don't bother to TRY to fix it, they just bother to try and make me stop looking sad right now, because it makes them sad. Tjhey don't give a fuck about my long term health. Nah, fuck that, its just the now that's important. Fuck my problems, they don't matter.

 

[ultrachicken]

3. I don't know if you've been telling everyone and their dog about your depression, or just your friends. If it's the former, they just don't know you that well. If some random person who I'd barely met came up to me and started sharing their life secrets with me, I'd be a bit repelled. If it's the latter, then maybe you just need better friends, or they just don't understand depression. Most people think it's caused solely by being sad, but it's more commonly caused by chemical imbalances in the brain that the victim can't control. So, those who think that it's caused by sadness will impulsively think, "How can he think his life is bad when there are starving children in Africa?!"

I haven't told anyone because they wouldn't care. They'd say, "Cheer up" and walk away. See, its not that easy though.

Reasons I'm depressed:
-I was bullied for 5 years, from 8 to 13 years old. By "bullied", I mean I was forced out of class group projects, mocked verbally, ruined emotionally, etc. The goddamn administration of the schools blamed me for it and punished me for being bullied. I'm really fucked up because of that.
-Girls. See OP.
-My Uncle Bob died a few years ago. Yes that was his name. It's jarring towards me because he was my role model up until then. He was why I participate so heavily in Improvisational comedy.

My friends see me sitting down, looking at the ground, and they don't bother to ask WHY. They never have. They can see I'm upset to a great degree, and yet they don't bother to TRY to fix it, they just bother to try and make me stop looking sad right now, because it makes them sad. Tjhey don't give a fuck about my long term health. Nah, fuck that, its just the now that's important. Fuck my problems, they don't matter.

That's a pretty big assumption there. You won't know until you try.

-How does the fact that you were bullied mean you were a failure? That just means that the school system sucks dick, which is by no means new. The bullying may also run deeper than just you, eg. insecurities/abusive parents causing other kids to project their feelings of inadequacy onto you.

-Girls. See my previous post.

-That sucks, but how does that make you a failure?

-Looking at the ground is such a subtle message and it could mean any number of things. I look at the ground when I'm tired, sad, bored, or because there's something weird on the ground. And you're making some serious allegations, there, considering that you explicitly said that you've never told anyone about your problem. They don't necessarily know that you're having long term problems, maybe they just think you're only momentarily sad. In fact, I'd bet that there is a 99% chance they think you're only momentarily sad, because you haven't told anyone otherwise.

Again, [HEADING=1]Be more AGGRESSIVE![/HEADING]

 

[Terminal Blue]

Wheeling out the tough love again.. don't take it personally.

What you're describing is typical depressive narcissism. You're taking lots of random things which happen in your life and making them all about you. Obviously, people can't just be stressed, bored, pissed off or whatever for their own reasons, it must all come back to you and how they feel about you. Everything which happens is a personal comment on your worthiness, likability or level of success.

1) I don't know how old your grandmother is, but very few people manage to age without losing some memory functions. If she has difficulty remembering, perhaps be sympathetic rather than immediately making it some big thing about 'how much affect' you've had on her. It's not fair to blame her for something which may well not be her fault at all.

When someone does start to lose memories, it's usually the newer memories first. All my grandparents (save the one who died of cancer) forgot me first, then my parents (their children), then their own parents and childhood memories. That's just how it goes.

2) Don't be passive aggressive. Don't claim this experience has made you feel useless then act with hostility towards the person responsible. Either you accept that you fucked up in this case (which has no wider bearing and certainly doesn't make you useless) or the guy was in the wrong. Pick one, don't alternate between both whenever it suits your inner narrative. You also have no idea why the guy behaved like that.. maybe he was having a shit day, maybe someone else pissed him off and he took it out on you. Again, not everything is about you.

3) What do you expect these people to do? Being depressed all the time makes you terrible company, and it's not people's job to try and pull you out. They don't have the training, and assuming you're clinically depressed nothing they could do would actually make you feel any better. Look at it from their perspective, if all you're putting out there is misery of course that's going to push them away. Why would you expect any different? Other people aren't there to save you from yourself, you need to take responsibility for your own behaviour. If you think you might be depressed, go see a professional who is actually trained to deal with that situation. Expecting other people to do it out of some sense of social responsibility to you isn't fair.

4) This one is complicated and could deserve it's own post, but I'll simplify massively. If you don't value yourself, how is anyone else meant to value you? Investing yourself into other people's relationships is understandable as a means of feeling like you're part of something, but it inevitably results in disappointment when the happy couple go off and do exclusive things without you. It sounds like you're hiding yourself behind that kind of activity because you don't feel you could compete or you don't deserve anything positive. Again, I understand those feelings but they're really just narcissistic delusions and they won't get you anywhere.

5) Again, it sounds like what you did was typical passive aggressive. You should have made it really clear that you wanted help and explained exactly what you wanted people to do instead of just waiting for them to notice as some kind of game to see how much they care about you. The guy's comment about 'trying to help' makes it very obvious he didn't have a fucking clue he was ignoring you, so how on earth does any of this stuff make you 'unworthy'?

The world is full of eight billion selfish pricks who do things largely for their own reasons, and you should expect nothing less. You need to develop the confidence to take a more active role in life, rather than expecting other people to help you or treat you differently, because they will inevitably disappoint you (and then you blame yourself for double silliness). Don't necessarily be aggressive because noone likes aggression either, but maybe try and be a bit more assertive even if you have to force it out.

Oh, and think about how other people might actually feel in any given situation, don't just assume they dislike you because it feeds into your perception of yourself, and don't blame them for screwing up. Screwing up is pretty human. Just because you feel a bit down on yourself doesn't make everyone else into superman. Chances are they're all fucking up just as much as you are, they just don't feel so crap about it.

 

[Mr.logic]

Story:
Over the last 4 months, I've been in deep thought over what I want to do during and after my Senior year of high school. I'd like to go to prom, get accepted into a Universdity of California, and somewhere along the line get a girlfriend.

So far, I've found out I'm a failure. How?
-My grandmother doesn't recognize me. She isn't senile/alzheimer's patient. She just doesn't remember my name. I've seen her at least- AT LEAST- 12 times a YEAR for the past 17 years. So, either I don't have too much of an impact on people, or I haven't done anything significant.
-I got yelled at by a freshman that I don't know shit about how a fucking backstage works because I'm on cast and its not the same. To explain, I was on cast for the first time EVER for a play at my school- 11 times before that, I've been on the technical/running crew, and for 5 of those shows, as stage manager (the highest rank before assistant director or technical director). So, my experience isn't worth shit (thanks, fucking freshman.).
-When I've been depressed for, oh, say, the last month, nobody has asked "Why". Either they've yelled at me to stop being sad for five fucking seconds, or they've said, "Feel better" and walked away. Thanks. I'm not useful enough to talk to.
-Girls. Don't get me started, I just can't seem to catch one's eyes. Better yet, I've been the main driving factor behind an event that has started- No bullshit- at least THREE relationships. Not for me, though. Nope. Hardest working person at that event is ignored like hell.
-Finally, I'm apparently unworthy of help. I was holding a flat (stage wall) in a spot for TWENTY MINUTES yesterday in a room full of people WHO SAW ME HOLDING IT and got not one ounce of help. Then, I said, "Fuck it", tarted taking the screw out of it from the floor, and had a guy come up to me and say, "Have you seen my phone?" I responded with an abrupt, "I haven't seen your damned phone, and I'd appreciate it if you'd leave if you aren't going to help." He mumbled something about "trying to help" and then wandered off.

So, yeah. Rate me on a scale of 1-10 of my failure status, 1 being "Not a fail" and 10 being, "Go shoot yourself, you Fail." Then, if you're kind enough, try to help me.

I work hard and recieve no help. I have never caught a girls eye. My friends have realationships. I have been talked down to by people who have no idea what they are talking about. I have serious problems with money, and procrastination, and you know what I get depressed at times. A man has to deal with much more intense stuff then some frustraion, and insecurity. I am not trying to be rude im just saying I have experienced the same, and I don't complain because all those problems are nothing. Your not a failure at all, but stop complaining about nothing.

 

[Skorpyo]

You are at a 1. This kind of shit happens to the best of persons.

Also, you say you are depressed, so I give you this:

Spoiler

As for the aspect of women, you should forget about them for a while. They will only distract from your goals right now.

Spoiler: So basically...

 

[Burck]

My friends see me sitting down, looking at the ground, and they don't bother to ask WHY. They never have. They can see I'm upset to a great degree, and yet they don't bother to TRY to fix it, they just bother to try and make me stop looking sad right now, because it makes them sad. Tjhey don't give a fuck about my long term health. Nah, fuck that, its just the now that's important. Fuck my problems, they don't matter.

Yeah, I remember this.

Chances are, the reason they don't try to help is because they're unsure how to help or just feel insecure about confronting depression in themselves or others. They want to believe that its nothing significant so that they can feel justified in ignoring it. It's a shame that none of them have stepped up, but honestly, that requires more bravery than you'd think. They're just as afraid of talking to you, trying to help, and having you reject their help. In fact, if they haven't experienced this kind of depression before, they might not know at all how to deal with it.

Part of this reason is your cognitive behavior. It was kind of over-whelming to read the way you talked about yourself so harshly in your opening post. You didn't give yourself any mercy: even for things were you weren't the only one that could be blamed...

I remember when I did the same thing. I used to blame myself for everything bad that happened to me: I didn't deserve help or the friendship of others, I failed, I deserved to be depressed...

You really deserve better than this.

You just have to take the first step and ask for help. Whether its from a friend or a psychologist. If your friend asks you if you're doing alright, tell them "No." Tell them what's got you depressed. Maybe they can help you, maybe they can't. If they haven't been through the same things, then they'll have a hard time understanding why you feel or think the way you do. If this becomes problematic, your best bet would be meeting regularly with a cognitive therapist.

I hated the idea of seeing a therapist at first. I didn't want to feel like some sort of outcast or freak who needed "mental help", but really, its fine.

If you were sick with any other illness, wouldn't you see a doctor or take some medication?

Most importantly though, it helped me unravel the way I set myself back constantly. Just as it was for me, I suspect that its not some inherent flaw in you that has been making you a depressed, self-perceived "failure", but the way you think about yourself.

Bullying tends to do that.

They take away your self-confidence and sense of self. They want to make you believe that you are worthless, and eventually, you internalize it.

Its not your fault.

And its never too late to find help. Cognitive therapists have great understanding about ways to help you have a more healthy way of thinking.

The scars will remain, but the pain can stop. Just please... please ask for help.

Why the fuck am I crying over some person I don't even know....

I suppose I feel kinda helpless, sitting here, knowing that what was healed for me could go unchecked for you.

So please, ask for help.

 

[Mr Montmorency]

If your "friends" keep telling you "Feel better" when you're obviously depressed, I think it's time to get better friends.

 

[SwagLordYoloson]

10.5, honestly your not the worst fail ever, i have seen some worse cases.

All you need to do is look on the bright side, you could always have it worse.......

 

[Ramin 123]

Well I'm not going to judge you on what you're going through because, well for a start you're obviously well depressed if you're posting online for help (that's not being ignorant btw).

I have Diabetes, one kidney, ear problems and some weird heart shit going on and in general I have had a lot of health problems. ButI drink and eat just like anyone else. TBH I really don't care about my impending death (as I reminded so much about by mumsy) and I just want to enjoy myself.

My philosophy is simple, me, me, me and slightly helping others. Being selfish just works, and you see when it comes to women, if they say no at least you can say you tried rather than skulking in the corner like a future sex predator (joke).

As for all the little, little things that piss you off, I advise a punching bag it really helps when you're stressed out. I don't know, maybe you'll think I'm talking out of my ass but I just get angry, explode and then away I go. Try it

 

[e102ewan]

I want to help you, but I can't see any reason why all this happens to you in a simple explanation. I mean, your grandma might not recognise you because she has bad eyesight and she might not know your name because she's old and old people often have bad memories. People might not help you because you don't ask enough for help in every situation. When your friends are sitting near you while you look depressed, ask them for help. Make it seem like you really need their help.

When you're helping someone else, ask them for help in return for whatever it is you're doing. When you were holding that stage wall you should have told the person who told you to hold it that you want something in return for helping them.

If you don't stand up for yourself enough than people won't notice you.

 

[stan573]

Sorry to break it to you kid, but this is pretty ordinary stuff. You're depressed, and only you are capable of changing that. Not your grandma or family or friends. Work to make life better for you, and it will.

But do it quick, because if this shit is causing you trouble, then you'll really be knocked for a loop when the really interesting shit happens.

 

[SeriousSquirrel]

3) What do you expect these people to do? Being depressed all the time makes you terrible company, and it's not people's job to try and pull you out. They don't have the training, and assuming you're clinically depressed nothing they could do would actually make you feel any better. Look at it from their perspective, if all you're putting out there is misery of course that's going to push them away. Why would you expect any different? Other people aren't there to save you from yourself, you need to take responsibility for your own behaviour. If you think you might be depressed, go see a professional who is actually trained to deal with that situation. Expecting other people to do it out of some sense of social responsibility to you isn't fair.

While I agree somewhat that it's not a friends job to "pull someone out of depression", I feel that as someone's friend you can't just sit back and watch as your friend is obviously struggling with something.

One of my best friends is going through an incredibly tough time right now, and while it may be tiring to constantly try to guide/help my friend, I do it. He has helped me through shit too, becuase we're friends. That being said, there is only so much a un-trained person can do.

OT: I am all too familiar with what you're feeling. The grand parents, the girls, and life in general. I was (and sometimes still am) sure that my sole point in life was to be the universe's punching bag. Terrible luck and a shitty situation.

I reached an all time low back in october. After a really emotionally painful fail, I was done. I stopped doing schoolwork, stopped talking to a lot of my friends, and was ready to drop out (There's a thread from a few months back to prove this). Then I sat back, and took a real good look back at my life. And upon further inscpection, it wasn't all that bad. Still shitty in some aspects, but overall very good.

So I suggest that you really look at your life. Another thing that helped me was finding something that I really wanted to do with my life and start actively working towards that goal (maybe you have already done this). Also, if you feel you're really suffering from depression, I'd talk to a professional.

 

[zombiesinc]

So far, I've found out I'm a failure. How?
-My grandmother doesn't recognize me. She isn't senile/alzheimer's patient. She just doesn't remember my name. I've seen her at least- AT LEAST- 12 times a YEAR for the past 17 years. So, either I don't have too much of an impact on people, or I haven't done anything significant.

This isn't your problem, and this isn't a failure. On top of that, one person failing to recognize you (who's also quite old at this point) doesn't mean you don't have an impact on everyone else's life.

-I got yelled at by a freshman that I don't know shit about how a fucking backstage works because I'm on cast and its not the same. To explain, I was on cast for the first time EVER for a play at my school- 11 times before that, I've been on the technical/running crew, and for 5 of those shows, as stage manager (the highest rank before assistant director or technical director). So, my experience isn't worth shit (thanks, fucking freshman.).

You gave your very fair and true reason right there; you have no prior experience while being 'on cast'. So, it's his failure to be an understanding, patient or at least somewhat fucking mature individual. Has nothing to do with you.

-When I've been depressed for, oh, say, the last month, nobody has asked "Why". Either they've yelled at me to stop being sad for five fucking seconds, or they've said, "Feel better" and walked away. Thanks. I'm not useful enough to talk to.

Unfortunately, there are far too many times when people will be struggling internally, and although they're subconsciously or consciously looking for someone to notice, or to reach out to, there are just as many times they're hiding all the signs for anyone else to catch onto.

This has nothing to do with you being useful though. As for those who say "Feel better", well, it could be a combination of things. One that stands out the most is that perhaps they don't know you very well and/or they don't know what to say. They're still trying to be supportive, but you can't necessarily hold something against someone who simply doesn't know how to react or emotionally soothe you.

If you're really struggling, but nobody seems to notice, perhaps it's time to take that step, and reach out to someone you trust and care about.

-Girls. Don't get me started, I just can't seem to catch one's eyes. Better yet, I've been the main driving factor behind an event that has started- No bullshit- at least THREE relationships. Not for me, though. Nope. Hardest working person at that event is ignored like hell.

This also doesn't mean you're a failure. It simply means that these women weren't interested in you. That doesn't mean you're not good enough, or that you've done something wrong. Nobody chooses their feelings, or who they develop feelings for. This isn't anyone's fault. You will find someone eventually, it's all about keeping your chin up, and trying to stay positive and hopeful until that moment arrives.

-Finally, I'm apparently unworthy of help. I was holding a flat (stage wall) in a spot for TWENTY MINUTES yesterday in a room full of people WHO SAW ME HOLDING IT and got not one ounce of help. Then, I said, "Fuck it", tarted taking the screw out of it from the floor, and had a guy come up to me and say, "Have you seen my phone?" I responded with an abrupt, "I haven't seen your damned phone, and I'd appreciate it if you'd leave if you aren't going to help." He mumbled something about "trying to help" and then wandered off.

Again, this doesn't mean you're a failure. How is it a failure on your part because other people were too inconsiderate or distracted to offer you help? I understand your frustration, but most everything between people is a two-way street. You didn't ask for help, but you expected it. Yes, someone should have offered, but you could have asked.

So, yeah. Rate me on a scale of 1-10 of my failure status, 1 being "Not a fail" and 10 being, "Go shoot yourself, you Fail." Then, if you're kind enough, try to help me.

1.

And the more often you sit there and tell yourself you're a failure, the easier it's going to be to actually believe that. Believing that means you're outward attitude and appearance will be affected. The less confident you are in yourself, the more likely it is you'll push people away with this idea that you're a failure, and/or your negativity/self-loathing.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

You're not a failure, you're just around people who don't care or want to do the extra work.

 

[BabyRaptor]

People suck, darling. That's a fact of life that you won't ever be able to change. I learned to cope with it by imagining them dying in the funniest ways possible. I don't recommend this method for everyone, because some people might actually act on it. But if you wouldn't, it can really add some needed humor.

That said, take this into consideration: The more you focus on the negatives, the less likely you are to see anything positive that happens. Yeah, it's a crazy-hard habit to stop. But once you do, you'll feel a ton better. Look for little things first, because those are easier to find.

Grandma may have something else wrong with her. Alzheimer's isn't the only disease that buggers the memory. Or she may just be so absorbed with herself that other people don't rate. Don't let her attitude effect you unless you can pinpoint something you did to cause it.

Lastly, look for girls somewhere besides school. Get to know us girls that pop up on here, join an after school thing (if you have time), join a dating site. Find people you can start fresh with, who won't see you the way you see yourself now. People pick up on how you perceive yourself and it taints their view of you. Starting over might just be the jump start you need for this particular issue.

 

[BonsaiK]

It's all about your sense of perspective.

-My grandmother doesn't recognize me. She isn't senile/alzheimer's patient. She just doesn't remember my name. I've seen her at least- AT LEAST- 12 times a YEAR for the past 17 years. So, either I don't have too much of an impact on people, or I haven't done anything significant.

Or maybe you should just start seeing your grandmother less from now on, and see other people who value you more.

-I got yelled at by a freshman that I don't know shit about how a fucking backstage works because I'm on cast and its not the same. To explain, I was on cast for the first time EVER for a play at my school- 11 times before that, I've been on the technical/running crew, and for 5 of those shows, as stage manager (the highest rank before assistant director or technical director). So, my experience isn't worth shit (thanks, fucking freshman.).

Well he's only new so what would he know? Yopu haven't really explained fully how this situation played out but if it's no big deal why not just shrug it off? And if it is a big deal, why not just tell him he's being a douche? Either way, no need to take it to heart.

-When I've been depressed for, oh, say, the last month, nobody has asked "Why". Either they've yelled at me to stop being sad for five fucking seconds, or they've said, "Feel better" and walked away. Thanks. I'm not useful enough to talk to.

It's hard to know what to say to someone who is depressed. A lot of people don't like to think about that sort of stuff, they either push it to the back of their minds, or they don't really understand the nature of it enough to feel that they can say anything useful. So from their perspective it's easier for them to treat you as if it's no big deal or that you're making it up or whatever. It takes a pretty mature-minded person to respond appropriately and sadly few are at your age. It's not a reflection on you, almost anyone who experiences depression goes through this.

-Girls. Don't get me started, I just can't seem to catch one's eyes. Better yet, I've been the main driving factor behind an event that has started- No bullshit- at least THREE relationships. Not for me, though. Nope. Hardest working person at that event is ignored like hell.

Probably because you're working so hard all the time, nobody wants to get in your face. Maybe you should take some time out of your busy schedule to smell the roses and approach some girls yourself.

-Finally, I'm apparently unworthy of help. I was holding a flat (stage wall) in a spot for TWENTY MINUTES yesterday in a room full of people WHO SAW ME HOLDING IT and got not one ounce of help. Then, I said, "Fuck it", tarted taking the screw out of it from the floor, and had a guy come up to me and say, "Have you seen my phone?" I responded with an abrupt, "I haven't seen your damned phone, and I'd appreciate it if you'd leave if you aren't going to help." He mumbled something about "trying to help" and then wandered off.

They probably thought that you, the consummate, hard-working professional, who has been on the running crew for the school play 11 times, had everything under control as usual, and that if you wanted help you would have definitely asked for it.