So yeah 20 years old virgin . Never had a relashionship . Mostly becouse most people i meet are so dull and im lucky if i meat someone i tolerate . But i think you guys propably know where this is turning . So the whole virginity thing is kinda bugging me . So should i just get a hooker and get it over or actually try doing it ,, the proper '' way i . e dating and that kinda shit dont think that'll work atleast for now i did try it that way before but , i most likely came off desperate so i had shitty luck there . So yeah give me advice .
Well this is quite an awkward thing to ask ,
- Thread starter Iranoutofnames
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Response from an almost 20 year old virgin who also hasn't been in a relationship yet:
I don't usually comment in this section but if you want my advise in short: Don't worry about it, you'll meet someone eventually.
Proper answer:
Don't worry about it, I don't know much about you so from a generalist perspective, society does place a lot of pressure on people our age to be in a relationship, to be what so many think of as 'normal' and when for whatever reason we cannot find someone to be with it can be disheartening at the least and terrible at the worst. My advice don't ever give up, I know it seems the logical thing but its better to try something else, maybe get a job, take up a sport or art (I know it made me feel better).
I'm sorry to be so general but its the best I can do.
Two more things: I have no experience with hookers but I doubt its a good idea for a virgin and I would recommend being with someone you trust for the first time.
Secondly, you mention you find few people you 'tolerate' (I assume you're male and you refer to females) Its a possibility that you may be something other than hetrosexual. Its only a suggestion thats probably wrong but it may help
I don't usually comment in this section but if you want my advise in short: Don't worry about it, you'll meet someone eventually.
Proper answer:
Don't worry about it, I don't know much about you so from a generalist perspective, society does place a lot of pressure on people our age to be in a relationship, to be what so many think of as 'normal' and when for whatever reason we cannot find someone to be with it can be disheartening at the least and terrible at the worst. My advice don't ever give up, I know it seems the logical thing but its better to try something else, maybe get a job, take up a sport or art (I know it made me feel better).
I'm sorry to be so general but its the best I can do.
Two more things: I have no experience with hookers but I doubt its a good idea for a virgin and I would recommend being with someone you trust for the first time.
Secondly, you mention you find few people you 'tolerate' (I assume you're male and you refer to females) Its a possibility that you may be something other than hetrosexual. Its only a suggestion thats probably wrong but it may help
I hope you don't take this the wrong way.
But you seem to hold yourself in really high regard, you're coming off as sounding like you think you're better than these people. If anything, that might be the thing that's putting people off.
You don't sound enthusiastic about a relationship either ("Dating and that kind of shit"...) so you certainly don't sound interested in having sex because you want to, but because it what is the social norm.
So, don't worry about it because being a virgin at 20 is nothing to be ashamed off. You may have to lower your standards or be patient though, I'm sure half these people you mention are nice if you took the time to get to know them.
But you seem to hold yourself in really high regard, you're coming off as sounding like you think you're better than these people. If anything, that might be the thing that's putting people off.
I don't know if you yourself are a barrel of laughs but it's not nice to think most people you meet are dull or intolerable. Especially when you first meet a person, a lot of folks don't want to show their true colours for a few months. If you think they're dull at first meeting then you're just being impatient and need to give them time to develop their personality around you.
You don't sound enthusiastic about a relationship either ("Dating and that kind of shit"...) so you certainly don't sound interested in having sex because you want to, but because it what is the social norm.
So, don't worry about it because being a virgin at 20 is nothing to be ashamed off. You may have to lower your standards or be patient though, I'm sure half these people you mention are nice if you took the time to get to know them.
I agree. Wait until you are old enough to go to a bar. Then you will probably meet tons of girls.
Sure they many not be all mentally stimulating but many wil be just plain, nice.
The prostitute thing is ok too.
It's only in modern history that men losing the virginity has become " lame" or an easy way out.
Think about it. If you are doing something for the first time, wouldn't you want to do it with professional guidance?lol
Anyhow the virginity thing is over rated.
It happens when it happens, and you can't be to young or too old.
20 is definitely not too old.
Sure they many not be all mentally stimulating but many wil be just plain, nice.
The prostitute thing is ok too.
It's only in modern history that men losing the virginity has become " lame" or an easy way out.
Think about it. If you are doing something for the first time, wouldn't you want to do it with professional guidance?lol
Anyhow the virginity thing is over rated.
It happens when it happens, and you can't be to young or too old.
20 is definitely not too old.
hey man, being a virgin is not a massive deal. If you want to loose it, just hook up with a drunk chick at a party
"get it over with"... sorry mate but the ye olde illusion that popping the cherry will be life changing event is just that, an illusion.
Because nothing will change, it will be a night of fun and everything else will be as it was.
What can be a life changing event however is busting out of your shell, step into the crazy dating world and forge your metal in the heat of battle, that drastic change of life pace is what will make you seem like a new man.
That "everyone is dull" line is just something you are hiding behind and justifying avoidance from the scary leap, I know this because I did it too, it is all very scary until you get the hang of it, but now that you came this far it is the perfect time to take a deep breath and go at it.
It isn't about sex, it is about overcoming lifes great hurdles, sex is just a very good incentive to do it.
Because nothing will change, it will be a night of fun and everything else will be as it was.
What can be a life changing event however is busting out of your shell, step into the crazy dating world and forge your metal in the heat of battle, that drastic change of life pace is what will make you seem like a new man.
That "everyone is dull" line is just something you are hiding behind and justifying avoidance from the scary leap, I know this because I did it too, it is all very scary until you get the hang of it, but now that you came this far it is the perfect time to take a deep breath and go at it.
It isn't about sex, it is about overcoming lifes great hurdles, sex is just a very good incentive to do it.
I agree, anytime I think about when I have had sex I can't remember almost anything about it, almost lime that part of my mental timeline wasn't important enough to have details in it and instead inserted a [I had sex] tag and saved some space. What was important was the friends and relationships I had along the way. So much more was important and meaningful if you are happy with how you feel in life and still a virgin that's what matters.Mr.K. said:
Don't worry about it. There is no point in losing your virginity for the sake of it, and your first time is only a memorable one if it's awful. If you're not bothered about relationships right now then just wait until you meet someone you do care about. No one really cares about the virginity thing anyway.
I don't understand this "you'll always remember your first time, make it special" idea. Sex is like any other skill or activity, you get better at it with practice. Once you've lost you're virginity, you'll be a lot more willing to try new things and you'll understand what to do and not to do during sex.
Honestly, if you have the money and it really means that much to you, there's no shame in hiring a hooker (just make sure you use REALLY good protection). But if you come off desperate when you go out with new girls, you're worrying too much about sex for the sake of fulfilling what you think you're societal "role" is. You shouldn't be trying to get laid, you should be trying to accomplish your goals in life. You'll have an easier time relating to women if there's more to your life than trying to get with them, and you'll probably have a more honest relationship with them that way.
Honestly, if you have the money and it really means that much to you, there's no shame in hiring a hooker (just make sure you use REALLY good protection). But if you come off desperate when you go out with new girls, you're worrying too much about sex for the sake of fulfilling what you think you're societal "role" is. You shouldn't be trying to get laid, you should be trying to accomplish your goals in life. You'll have an easier time relating to women if there's more to your life than trying to get with them, and you'll probably have a more honest relationship with them that way.
Hope this stuff will help you, OP.
Good hunting.
I suffered from extreme AA the entire first year I was sarging(the time I started to have lots of sex), and it took this epiphany for me to finally break out and get Anti-Approach Anxiety. Nowadays I get worried that if I DON'T approach a hot girl, some other guy is gonna be nailing her to the kitchen counter on Valentine's Day- ain't gonna happen, OP!
Right now, if you're suffering from AA, your basic frame is almost certainly something like this: "She's hot and gets hit on all the time, and I'll come off as awkward and the conversation would die off in 20 seconds and it's safer to just not approach". Even if you don't actually think this to yourself every time, this type of basic attitude is the source of AA. So listen up:
Hot girls do get hit on all the time. 99/100, however, it is an awkward experience initiated by some chode with no game, making boring conversation, and not adding any excitement or value to her life at all. This is where shit tests and ***** shields come from (I know, I know, this is hardly groundbreaking stuff- hear me out).
SO. First off it's important to understand that WOMEN DO NOT MIND PEOPLE TALKING TO THEM. Seriously, women talk 100 times more than guys do. Listen to them gabbering right now. Talking is something all women love to do. Talking is easy. SO LISTEN UP: EVEN IF YOU HAVE A SUPER BORING CONVERSATION, THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING THAT WILL HAPPEN IS THAT YOU WILL COME ACROSS LIKE A NORMAL GUY. Think about that. Normal guys are boring and awkward around hot women. So even if you crash and burn and are boring and awkward, YOU'RE NORMAL, CONGRATULATIONS. That's the WORST case scenario! Wrap your head around this concept, care for it, feed it, nurture it, ponder it and all of it's implications. You can do NO worse than normal. It's like someone giving you a test and saying, "Oh by the way, the absolute lowest score possible is a C. You literally cannot, under any circumstances (other than burning the building down or slapping the teacher in the face with your dick) FAIL this test." There will be NO pressure and NO anxiety once you actually, properly I N C E P T this idea into your consciousness. You're gonna like the way you approach and open; I guarantee it.
Second, when you walk past a hot girl without talking to her, you are being a selfish, unchivalrous douchebag because you are placing your own fears and wants above her needs. Women NEED you to improve their lives. They are DESPERATE for something exciting to happen. They silently BEG you every day to start a conversation and drop an atomic love bomb into their world. I'm not even kidding, ask ANY girl you know. Better yet, ask every girl you DON'T know. If you're trying to kick AA, go up to a hot chick tomorrow and just ask her, "So when I see a cute girl out and about, I should absolutely go talk to her right? Girls all silently hope for a fun guy to spontaneously start talking to them, right?" If someone produces a recording of them asking a stranger this question and the answer is anything other than "YES", I will send them a Steam Key or something. No shit.
Alright, I'm rambling here, and I'll probably come back and edit this in the morning to make it understandable, but for now, just remember:
1. Normal guys are boring and slightly awkward when talking to hot chicks, ergo...
2. Even if you are totally boring and awkward, the worst you can be is normal.
3.If you open girls and are even slightly interesting and fun, you will get their number and you will fuck real live female women.
4. NOT opening a girl means you are a selfish dick who wants to retain all the awesomeness in your life for just yourself.
5. All women want to be opened.
6. For the sweet-love of GOD go outside and talk to girls.
Right now, if you're suffering from AA, your basic frame is almost certainly something like this: "She's hot and gets hit on all the time, and I'll come off as awkward and the conversation would die off in 20 seconds and it's safer to just not approach". Even if you don't actually think this to yourself every time, this type of basic attitude is the source of AA. So listen up:
Hot girls do get hit on all the time. 99/100, however, it is an awkward experience initiated by some chode with no game, making boring conversation, and not adding any excitement or value to her life at all. This is where shit tests and ***** shields come from (I know, I know, this is hardly groundbreaking stuff- hear me out).
SO. First off it's important to understand that WOMEN DO NOT MIND PEOPLE TALKING TO THEM. Seriously, women talk 100 times more than guys do. Listen to them gabbering right now. Talking is something all women love to do. Talking is easy. SO LISTEN UP: EVEN IF YOU HAVE A SUPER BORING CONVERSATION, THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING THAT WILL HAPPEN IS THAT YOU WILL COME ACROSS LIKE A NORMAL GUY. Think about that. Normal guys are boring and awkward around hot women. So even if you crash and burn and are boring and awkward, YOU'RE NORMAL, CONGRATULATIONS. That's the WORST case scenario! Wrap your head around this concept, care for it, feed it, nurture it, ponder it and all of it's implications. You can do NO worse than normal. It's like someone giving you a test and saying, "Oh by the way, the absolute lowest score possible is a C. You literally cannot, under any circumstances (other than burning the building down or slapping the teacher in the face with your dick) FAIL this test." There will be NO pressure and NO anxiety once you actually, properly I N C E P T this idea into your consciousness. You're gonna like the way you approach and open; I guarantee it.
Second, when you walk past a hot girl without talking to her, you are being a selfish, unchivalrous douchebag because you are placing your own fears and wants above her needs. Women NEED you to improve their lives. They are DESPERATE for something exciting to happen. They silently BEG you every day to start a conversation and drop an atomic love bomb into their world. I'm not even kidding, ask ANY girl you know. Better yet, ask every girl you DON'T know. If you're trying to kick AA, go up to a hot chick tomorrow and just ask her, "So when I see a cute girl out and about, I should absolutely go talk to her right? Girls all silently hope for a fun guy to spontaneously start talking to them, right?" If someone produces a recording of them asking a stranger this question and the answer is anything other than "YES", I will send them a Steam Key or something. No shit.
Alright, I'm rambling here, and I'll probably come back and edit this in the morning to make it understandable, but for now, just remember:
1. Normal guys are boring and slightly awkward when talking to hot chicks, ergo...
2. Even if you are totally boring and awkward, the worst you can be is normal.
3.If you open girls and are even slightly interesting and fun, you will get their number and you will fuck real live female women.
4. NOT opening a girl means you are a selfish dick who wants to retain all the awesomeness in your life for just yourself.
5. All women want to be opened.
6. For the sweet-love of GOD go outside and talk to girls.
1. Buy some cologne. Georgio Armani Acqua di Gio and Chanel are my brand. It doesn't seem much, but when someone tells you smell great, it's a nice boost to your ego. Also if you're a sweaty person, buy antiperspirant and wear %100 cotton undershirts, especially if you're wearing buttoned shirts of all kind. I'll be honest: appearance is everything if you're in school.
2. DON'T go for the rich-guy look. Expensive watches, chains and jeans makes you look like a douche. At most, jeans should cost $110.
3. Unless you're cosplaying as Mako from Legend of Korra, no scarves. Ever.
4. Smelly feet? Wash between toes, and when you come out of the shower, DON'T step on the thing you stepped on when you entered the shower. Also put baby powder in your socks.
5. If you're grooming "down there", just trim. Being completely shaven makes your junk sweaty.
6. Shower EVERY morning. That shit you had on your pillow is the same shit you had on your face yesterday. A shampoo/conditioner is great to avoid greasy hair.
7. Use good old-fashioned bar-soap on your body before using body wash.
8. Acne problems? Wash you face every morning and night to avoid breakouts. Sleep with a clean towel over your pillow. For body acne, change your bed sheets every week and flip your mattress.
9. For facial hair, avoid mustaches, but if you can, grow a beard. Wash your beard as often as your hair. Also, after eating. Don't want some leftover food on your facial hair. Patchy beard? Then fuck it. Clean-shaven works too, unless you look like Danny Briere.
10. Brush your teeth(and tongue) every morning and night and follow-up with floss and listerine. If your tongue is white and not pink, you're brushing it wrong. To test your breath, lick the top of your hand, wait a few seconds, then smell it. It's disgusting, but it works.
2. DON'T go for the rich-guy look. Expensive watches, chains and jeans makes you look like a douche. At most, jeans should cost $110.
3. Unless you're cosplaying as Mako from Legend of Korra, no scarves. Ever.
4. Smelly feet? Wash between toes, and when you come out of the shower, DON'T step on the thing you stepped on when you entered the shower. Also put baby powder in your socks.
5. If you're grooming "down there", just trim. Being completely shaven makes your junk sweaty.
6. Shower EVERY morning. That shit you had on your pillow is the same shit you had on your face yesterday. A shampoo/conditioner is great to avoid greasy hair.
7. Use good old-fashioned bar-soap on your body before using body wash.
8. Acne problems? Wash you face every morning and night to avoid breakouts. Sleep with a clean towel over your pillow. For body acne, change your bed sheets every week and flip your mattress.
9. For facial hair, avoid mustaches, but if you can, grow a beard. Wash your beard as often as your hair. Also, after eating. Don't want some leftover food on your facial hair. Patchy beard? Then fuck it. Clean-shaven works too, unless you look like Danny Briere.
10. Brush your teeth(and tongue) every morning and night and follow-up with floss and listerine. If your tongue is white and not pink, you're brushing it wrong. To test your breath, lick the top of your hand, wait a few seconds, then smell it. It's disgusting, but it works.
Good hunting.
Ah, I should've cleared it up better. Avoid mustaches unless if you can grow a beard.Reginald said:
Pretty much this, really. "Everybody's doing it" always failed as a sales pitch in my eyes. Not saying you'd have to go out of your way to actively avoid sex, but, as said here, doing it just for the sake of checking it off a to-do list kind of defeats the purpose of it.Katatori-kun said: