What are your best bad jokes?

[Pink Gregory]

Oooh, bad jokes! I quite like bad puns!

Spoiler: Why did the baker go on a holiday?

He kneaded some time off.

Spoiler: Did you hear about the baker who got sick?

Don't worry. He got batter.

Spoiler: Why would you call a baker rich?

He's got tons of dough.

Why did the baker have smelly hands?

He kneaded a poo.

(christ)

 

[hiei82]

Spoiler: What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef.

Spoiler: A cow with three legs?

Lean beef.

Spoiler: A cow with two legs?

Yo' mamma.

Spoiler: What's the difference between a cat and a compound-sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws while the other has a pause at the end of its clause

Spoiler: What kind of cell phones do nuns use?

Virgin Mobile.

Spoiler: Why is their cell phone bill so large?

They're Roaming Catholics

Spoiler: Why don't kleptomaniacs get puns?

They always take things literally

Spoiler: What do you call the oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physicist as they drink the last of their beer?

The strange charm of a top down bottom's up.

Spoiler: Did you hear that The Pentagon was supposed to be an octagon?

Yeah, the contractor just kept cutting corners

 

[SirDerpy]

There are 10 kinds of people in this world.

Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who thought this was a Base 3 joke.

 

[DoPo]

There are 10 kinds of people in this world.

Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who thought this was a Base 3 joke.

There are three kinds of people in the world - those who understand Math and those who don't.

 

[necromanzer52]

Spoiler: What do you do when you see a spaceman?

You park in it, dude.

Kinda works better out loud.

 

[Weresquirrel]

An elderly potato had her three daughters over for dinner. During the meal, one of the daughters speaks up.
"Everyone, I have some good news. I'm getting married next week, to a King Edward." The mother beams with pride.
"A King Edward? That's a fine 'tater that is." The second daughter speaks up.
"I have some good new too. I'm getting married to a Maris Piper!"
"A Maris Piper! That's a fine 'tater!" the mother responds. The last daughter looks sheepish and says:
"I'm getting married too. To Gary Lineker" The mother looks aghast.
"Gary Lineker?! But he's just a common-tator!"

 

[Zombie_Fish]

There are 10 kinds of people in this world.

Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who thought this was a Base 3 joke.

There are 10 kinds of people in this world.

Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who thought this was a Base 3 joke.

There are three kinds of people in the world - those who understand Math and those who don't.

There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data... umm...

 

[DANEgerous]

I actually think this is my worst bad joke but it came from a guy that was stoned and make a lot of other stoned guys laugh. But in the middle of he math homework he just yells "what is the LogRhythm of an alligator" he was totally serious, that is what he intended to ask no matter how you cut it it is word salad.

 

[TheRiddler]

What do you call a telepathic dwarf escaping the police?

Spoiler

A small medium at large.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

I told half of the first page to my girlfriend and I'm pretty sure she's going to make me sleep on the couch...Yeah...yeah, I think I'm sleeping on the couch tonight...Totally worth it though.

Hey, did you guys hear the one about the Vegan? The real question is, who hasn't!?