What do you do when a telemarketer calls?

[Veldel]

Take out a blowhorn and ask them somthing to make sure they listening then use it on said phone and laugh

 

[J-dog42]

I just politely say no and hang up. They're just doing a job and trying to make a living like anyone else, so there's no need to be a dick about it.

 

[Rooster893]

Hang up. They're not worth my time.

 

[jthm]

I pretend to masturbate, vocally.
"Hello, may I speak with the purchaser of the long distance plan in the house please?"
"One sec... zip... yeah... Okay, shoot."
"Are you satisfied with your current long distance providers?"
Uh... mmmmmm... yeah... pretty satisfied. Why, what are you offering?"
"Well, we have a limited time introduction offer..."
"Mmmm... introduction... nice... *heavy breath*... what kind of... introduction?"
"To start with"
"yes, YES?"
"We offer our new members a discount rate of..."
"Tell me about YOUR member!"
Excuse me?
Never mind, just uh.. just keep going.
Well... uh... we could offer you a discount rate...
Don't stop!
uh... a discount rate of 11.95 per month and a
Oh my GOD! Huh... huh... That is SO GOOD!
Well yes, but it gets even better if you agree now...
OH OH OH OH OH OH NNNNnnnn YEAH!
So does that sound good?
Oh, you sound great... just... fantastic...wow...
Alright, so if I can just get your credit car number...
What?! My credit card?! I've never paid for this in my life! How dare you! Don't you ever call here again!

Then I hang up.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

I either just say "no, not intrested" and hang up (alternatively "Screw you" if I was doing something important/really engaging when they called)

Or I try to make a witty comeback to whatever they're selling.

EDIT: but the best thing is when I heard from a friend that their friend pretended they were a cop on a crime scene, and the telemarketer had just called the "victim's" phone. Apparently, the telemarketer really got spooked.

 

[eezaak]

I pretend I am robbing the house. Then I try and sell them a plasma TV and ask for advice for how to sell stolen goods.

 

[Anthony Abney]

I do something like this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33BCEPMGggU

 

[MisterM2402]

I just politely say no and hang up. They're just doing a job and trying to make a living like anyone else, so there's no need to be a dick about it.

Damn, you beat me to it hehe

If it's someone phoning you just to be an annoying, and not for a job, by all means take the piss.
Be funny but lighthearted and polite about it: it'll probably give them a laugh and brighten their dull, depressing day. If you scream down the phone, that's much worse than what they're doing to you - I'm sure they get enough flak from all the countless people who pull shit like that, must be a pretty bad job.

 

[Kryzantine]

This is easy. Identify their nationality and start speaking in a different language. If it's a Russian calling, I speak Spanish. An English voice, I go with Russian. Sometimes I start off in Chinese. Sometimes I alternate languages. It can be fairly entertaining.

 

[joinchoir]

Being a telemarketer is a crappy job. I say "Just a minute, I'll get him." set the phone down and go about my day. That gives the poor guy on the other end to take a breath without getting yelled at by their supervisor.

 

[Stealthygamer]

Nyan Cat

 

[ThatLankyBastard]

I put on a voice and talk them up!

My favourites are "Satan" from Leo and Satan and "Provocative Female" (which I made myself)...

For a dude, I can do a rather hot female voice...

Captcha: "accidentally on purpose"

Fuckin eh!

 

[Drakmorg]

After about a minute I say "Goddamn telemarketer robots!"
either it's a machine and just keeps on going, in which case I just hang up, or it's a person and they say something like:
"Uh sir, I'm not a machine"
"You will not fool me you Cylon sonofabitch!"
Then I hang up.

 

[android88]

I just say "not interested" and hang up before they have a chance to respond

 

[iDoom46]

I have a little rule of thumb, if the name/number on the caller ID is unfamiliar or unregistered, then I don't answer the phone. If they really are someone that has something to say to me then they can leave a message, and next time not be so paranoid about not being on peoples caller ID.

I'm not for being rude to telemarketers. Yeah, messing with them and joking around is fun, but just don't be outright mean. They don't WANT to interrupt your life, they HAVE to do it so they can buy food to live. Besides, you're probably the third person in a row that's chewed them out for calling at dinnertime, so try to keep that in mind.

 

[joinchoir]

Nyan Cat would make the perfect "On hold" music.

 

[Ruedyn]

One time I put the phone on speaker found a video on youtube of gunshot noises and cranked up the volume, paused it and yelled it's not a good time. Don't think they believed me but they've bever called back again sooo...

 

[Timmehexas]

I change my voice a bit and tell them my parents aren't home, quick and effective without having to be a douche.