What do you think the above users deepest darkest secrets are?

[UltraDeth]

Sticks pound coins in the cracks in the wall to encourage future treasure hunters

 

[Barbas]

Rammed a banana down the throat of a woodpecker that was keeping him awake.

 

[UltraDeth]

Tattooed his name into his arm to help him remember

 

[Barbas]

Bashed the bishop.

 

[UltraDeth]

(I'm guessing that's a euphemism)

Styles his eyebrows with a scalpel

 

[Barbas]

Domestically abused Mrs Palm.

 

[UltraDeth]

(Another euphemism)

Really wants to stroke the pubes of the woman behind the perfume counter

 

[Barbas]

Shanked the sheriff and bollocked the deputy.

 

[UltraDeth]

(Another euphemism I guess)

Painted his mother gold and killed her

 

[Dalek Caan]

Threw a turtle at Gandhi.

 

[UltraDeth]

Eats belly button fluff (and not just their own)

 

[Barbas]

Grows mushrooms behind his ears.

 

[UltraDeth]

Would love to smell the Queen's bloomers

 

[Barbas]

Has the dirtiest mind out of everyone here...except on Tuesdays...and Tuesday's nearly here, son!

 

[Dalek Caan]

Is a proprietor of nuclear weponized ponies.

 

[UltraDeth]

Has the dirtiest mind out of everyone here...except on Tuesdays...and Tuesday's nearly here, son!

Is scared shitless of my ideas

 

[Barbas]

Is scared shitless of my ideas

Has an irrational fear of Tuesdays.

 

[UltraDeth]

Slams the toilet seat on his dick when girls use it

 

[Barbas]

Isn't himself today, but a man named Gary.

 

[UltraDeth]

Has a purple patch on his thigh from something questionable