What Else could I Possibly do to Make My Friend Stop Being So Moody?

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Wuggy

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Jan 14, 2010
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If your story is indeed accurate, here's what you do:

1) Throw your hands up to the air.
2) Say: "I don't fucking need this"
3) Leave her to her thoughts.

If she does not see reason, then you're better off without. In my opinion at least.
 

KarlMonster

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Mar 10, 2009
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Kanlic said:
I live in the Bronx, and my gets home from work at around midnight. Naturally, she is too scared of walking the 15 minutes home alone, so I usually meet her at the stop to walk her back. This particular instance I was doing her dishes in her apartment upon request, but realized I had to go. I made a quick survey of the apartment to see if she left me her keys, saw nothing, so I left.



What kills me is that she was actively ignoring me the entire time
"and my gets home from work"

Your *what* gets home from work?

Leaving aside that you chose to conceal the nature/depth of this relationship, there are a number of things wrong with this picture. If this is the penalty for not *seeing* her keys, what happens if you don't do her dishes? Do you get a public flogging for not picking her up at the station? I don't buy that you were supposed to remember her keys for her, and even if she did tell you, you're allowed to forget once in a while. This sounds like pretty harsh treatment for a small problem.

I guess things must be shockingly bad in the Bronx. Here in Michigan, you can usually find a trustworthy neighbor to hold a spare key for you. I do carry 2 sets of keys because I have a bad habit of leaving one set in a locker door, or something like that.

Now if those things that I've just said are way off the mark, then fine, whatever.

When she is doing the active ignorance thing? There isn't anything you can do. So ask her if and when she wants you to pick her up at the station again - then disappear for a few days. Or a week. If she's going to be that childish, then leave her for a proper sulk.

If you just have to continue to lick her boots clean, don't complain about how it tastes.
 
Aug 4, 2010
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Sounds like she forgot her keys, more than anything else. Seems like she took out her anger at her own incompetence on you. Was there any way you were supposed to know that she left the keys there? Or where in fact she left them? I'm inclined to say that if that is not the case she's having a massive overreaction which is basically her own fault. She must be fantastic in the sack, otherwise I don't know why you put up with her behavior.
 

Kanlic

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evesgirl21 said:
my first reply on here...EVER... but...thought i could help :)

Wow...I'm assuming that this is mostly a male perspective....
As a girl i think we're missing a few things

a) you locked her out of her house (or apartment or whatever it is)
b) YOU LOCKED HER OUT OF HER HOUSE!
when its your house and your stuff you'll undrstand how it feels...having a place to sleep doesnt solve everything

I don't know about you but I've been locked out of my place before (my fault though. XD) and had to go through a sh*t storm to get it open again...shes lucky she didnt have to call a locksmith or something...that sh*t gets EXPENSIVE. If shes the type to gripe over $15 then i think she wouldnt be too happy about paying $75 like i did once.

Not to be rude but you make yourself out to be such a hero...she obviously cars about you seeing as she brought you cake...how many guys get cake for doing dishes??? She was being kind of a ***** but...did you desrve it?

Did she have to "ask" you to do those dishes or beg? Did she tell you to get her keys? Did you look...really? Really you kinda have to look at both sides here...

As a "friend" don't you think she would have forgiven you if she thought you meant it...Just sayin'
First I'd like to say welcome to the Escapist, I'm honored to have your first response, and so polite too.

Look, I didn't mean to imply that I am some sort of hero. I wouldn't have done all those things if I didn't think I was at fault, but I don't think her constant pouting was justified after a certain point. I mean if I just received a thank you for the meal, I would have been satisfied, but she was just being rude after awhile.

Although it is funny you brought up all those points, because they match exactly with her's, even down to the locksmith fee. To clarify, she didn't beg for me to do the dishes, she asked. We have a system that whoever buys the food, the other has to do the dishes. To be fair, I just quickly looked around the apartment for the keys before leaving, but them being under the pillow hampered that effort a bit. I figure if you leave something for someone, you shouldn't hide it.

Kryzantine said:
As to the OT, I'm not sure there is anything you can do. You could give her a big hug, but there's not much you can do from your end. They need to take the breather, lie down for a bit, relax, forgive and forget. Be thankful that this is a one-time thing and she will get over it (and there's honestly no nicer way to put that).

This city breeds some difficult people. Some good people, but some difficult. Don't let yourself get moody, that's the surefire way to keep her in a bad mood. But be humble about it. It'll take a bit of time, but she will apologize to you.
Yea I know, but I can at least acknowledge an apology, I think that's my issue here. As of writing this she seems to have cooled off a bit, but she is definitely still mad. I think I am just going to play Fallout until this whole thing does indeed blow over.

KarlMonster said:
Leaving aside that you chose to conceal the nature/depth of this relationship, there are a number of things wrong with this picture. If this is the penalty for not *seeing* her keys, what happens if you don't do her dishes? Do you get a public flogging for not picking her up at the station? I don't buy that you were supposed to remember her keys for her, and even if she did tell you, you're allowed to forget once in a while. This sounds like pretty harsh treatment for a small problem.

I guess things must be shockingly bad in the Bronx. Here in Michigan, you can usually find a trustworthy neighbor to hold a spare key for you. I do carry 2 sets of keys because I have a bad habit of leaving one set in a locker door, or something like that.

Now if those things that I've just said are way off the mark, then fine, whatever.

When she is doing the active ignorance thing? There isn't anything you can do. So ask her if and when she wants you to pick her up at the station again - then disappear for a few days. Or a week. If she's going to be that childish, then leave her for a proper sulk.

If you just have to continue to lick her boots clean, don't complain about how it tastes.
Well she asked me earlier that day if I could meet her at the station. I could have easily have said no, but I figured if I am going to sit on my ass for six hours playing my PS3 on her dime, I could at least sacrifice half an hour of much needed walking. The whole dishes thing is a deal we have, just read it from earlier in this post.

If you want the truth of our relation ship, we've been friends for about a year now. Since everyone else we know is out of town, we are just stuck with each other, so we have sex to pass the time. It's all good and fun, but we are both acutely aware that this ain't anything serious.

The Bronx is alright if you are a guy. Seeing as how I am a 6'2" 200 lbs rower, I usually don't get messed with, but the girls I hang out with are constantly being harassed, sometimes getting cat calls 10-15 times in just one trip to the train. It really isn't safe to be walking around at night here by yourself boy or girl, but the shear fact that girls are smaller makes them easier targets.
 

ceyriot

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Jul 21, 2008
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I understand your relationship, but I think that she is a bit of a ***** to be honest. You were obviously sorry, and made it up to her. With you being in the sudo-relationship that you are, it shouldn't have even been that big of a problem, what with you having an extra bed. Then, to add on to that, you surprised her with food, paid for the trip to the landlord and were still apologetic.

I also think its a bit weird to have your keys under ones pillow, like what kind of spot is that? I personally never leave the house without my keys, cellphone and wallet - just a good habit. I mean, I can see why she left her keys at home with you there, it being safe and all. However, I can also imagine her just forgetting them and expecting you to know that she didn't bring them to work and taking it out on you.

Basically, I think she is a *****, or overreacts a lot, because I just don't think that that much of a reaction is warranted here. From what I have read, at least.
 

bluepilot

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Jul 10, 2009
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You screwed up but have since done more than enough to make up for it.

I think she is being needlessly mean and you deserve better. When I screw up with my friends a 'sorry' always suffices
 

evesgirl21

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Jul 21, 2011
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thanks for the warm welcome Kanlic!!!! Believe me i was so nervous about posting on here...thoguht you woudnt ever read it ^_^

...but i still think you're missing the point.

I just have a hard time believing that you would be friends with her for over a year like you said you were if she is such a total ***** like everyone says. I mean she has sex with you AND brings you cake LOL...shes sounds nicer than me... some of the time atleast...

What confused me to be perfectly honest is why you even looked for the keys...I mean if what all you guys say is true and she did mstakenly leave them herself and not ask you to bring them, you wouldnt have looked...idk about you but I don't look for things I don't need to find...

And if she did ask (which from your apology i'm expecting she did), why didn't you call or (not to be rude) but look harder...you must understand that if you don't bring the keys you can't open a door...really your not looking shows you didn't really care about her now doesn't it.

So really now it becomes less about the keys and more about the fact that she thinks you are either:
a) lazy, because you said you would look for something and didn't
or
b) lying, because you told her you looked/she asked you to look, and you didn't

or even a combo of the two (i.e. she asks you for the keys, you realize you didn't look, you tell her she didn't ask you to bring them, she flips sh*t, you say you couldn't even find them, she flips a bigger sh*t)

the more i think about this the more i think about my ex...it was less about the things he did, more about the fact that he lied about little things and i couldnt trust him. Trust is key and you left her out in the cold...quite literally. Alot of the time a home is like security blanket and you momentarily took that away from her.

And as for her not being "grateful" that you gave her lunch and paid for her ticket...although it was a super nice gesture and should be noted by "uber-*****", money and gifts don't solve problems...hell, it often makes them worse. It's like...(excuse the bad metaphor)...if someone breaks your PS3and give you a cookie to make up for it. They don't want a cookie...they want a PS3. The cookie doesnt bring back the PS3, or constitute as an apology for breaking it...it looks like an easy fix, and maybe it eases the tension but nothing can speed the healing process. Maybe instead of hitting up a sub shop you shouldve ASKED HER what you could do to help OR actually you shouldve just apologized and LEFT HER ALONE...swarming around her with gifts looking for thank-you's is never a good route for an angry person. It actually souds alot like you wanted leverage, kinda like "I did nice things for you, you can't be mad at me anymore..."

I'm sure the rest of you will disagree, after seeing your resopnses...I'm not sure if any of you are girls and i don't want to sound like I think I'm right just because i am one cause she may be a massive horrendous ***** like everyone is saying lol...but lets say she is bieng rude in that case why are you chillng at her place plyaing video games anyways? this is gonna sound SUPER BITCHY but if you think shes such a ***** why are you still sitting in her apartment all day, presumably, eating her food, why dont you just go to your own place...how can you call her out for being a sub-par friend when you only tolerate her cause of the things she has in her apartment???

and if you don't think it's that big of a deal, or this ever happens other than now and you're complaining anyways, then your being a little whiny yourself...

wow, that was long, I feel like i'm ver analyzing this but idk your situation reminds me of arguments i've had before.
 

evesgirl21

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Jul 21, 2011
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thanks for the warm welcome Kanlic!!!! Believe me i was so nervous about posting on here...thoguht you woudnt ever read it ^_^

...but i still think you're missing the point.

I just have a hard time believing that you would be friends with her for over a year like you said you were if she is such a total ***** like everyone says. I mean she has sex with you AND brings you cake LOL...shes sounds nicer than me... some of the time atleast...

What confused me to be perfectly honest is why you even looked for the keys...I mean if what all you guys say is true and she did mstakenly leave them herself and not ask you to bring them, you wouldnt have looked...idk about you but I don't look for things I don't need to find...

And if she did ask (which from your apology i'm expecting she did), why didn't you call or (not to be rude) but look harder...you must understand that if you don't bring the keys you can't open a door...really your not looking shows you didn't really care about her now doesn't it.

So really now it becomes less about the keys and more about the fact that she thinks you are either:
a) lazy, because you said you would look for something and didn't
or
b) lying, because you told her you looked/she asked you to look, and you didn't

or even a combo of the two (i.e. she asks you for the keys, you realize you didn't look, you tell her she didn't ask you to bring them, she flips sh*t, you say you couldn't even find them, she flips a bigger sh*t)

the more i think about this the more i think about my ex...it was less about the things he did, more about the fact that he lied about little things and i couldnt trust him. Trust is key and you left her out in the cold...quite literally. Alot of the time a home is like security blanket and you momentarily took that away from her.

And as for her not being "grateful" that you gave her lunch and paid for her ticket...although it was a super nice gesture and should be noted by "uber-*****", money and gifts don't solve problems...hell, it often makes them worse. It's like...(excuse the bad metaphor)...if someone breaks your PS3and give you a cookie to make up for it. They don't want a cookie...they want a PS3. The cookie doesnt bring back the PS3, or constitute as an apology for breaking it...it looks like an easy fix, and maybe it eases the tension but nothing can speed the healing process. Maybe instead of hitting up a sub shop you shouldve ASKED HER what you could do to help OR actually you shouldve just apologized and LEFT HER ALONE...swarming around her with gifts looking for thank-you's is never a good route for an angry person. It actually souds alot like you wanted leverage, kinda like "I did nice things for you, you can't be mad at me anymore..."

I'm sure the rest of you will disagree, after seeing your resopnses...I'm not sure if any of you are girls and i don't want to sound like I think I'm right just because i am one cause she may be a massive horrendous ***** like everyone is saying lol...but lets say she is bieng rude in that case why are you chillng at her place plyaing video games anyways? this is gonna sound SUPER BITCHY but if you think shes such a ***** why are you still sitting in her apartment all day, presumably, eating her food, why dont you just go to your own place...how can you call her out for being a sub-par friend when you only tolerate her cause of the things she has in her apartment???

and if you don't think it's that big of a deal, or this ever happens other than now and you're complaining anyways, then your being a little whiny yourself...

wow, that was long, I feel like i'm ver analyzing this but idk your situation reminds me of arguments i've had before.
 

Kanlic

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Jul 29, 2009
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ceyriot said:
I understand your relationship, but I think that she is a bit of a ***** to be honest. You were obviously sorry, and made it up to her. With you being in the sudo-relationship that you are, it shouldn't have even been that big of a problem, what with you having an extra bed. Then, to add on to that, you surprised her with food, paid for the trip to the landlord and were still apologetic.

I also think its a bit weird to have your keys under ones pillow, like what kind of spot is that? I personally never leave the house without my keys, cellphone and wallet - just a good habit. I mean, I can see why she left her keys at home with you there, it being safe and all. However, I can also imagine her just forgetting them and expecting you to know that she didn't bring them to work and taking it out on you.

Basically, I think she is a *****, or overreacts a lot, because I just don't think that that much of a reaction is warranted here. From what I have read, at least.
This was pretty much the sentiment going through my brain the entire time, but this is generally how my relationships with women turn out. Can't explain it, it's just something I have to deal with.

evesgirl21 said:
careful with those double posts, people don't take to kindly to them around here.

I'll address each of your points to the best of my ability:

I looked for the keys because I didn't want to risk leaving them on the offhanded chance that they were left in the apartment. It's happened before, but I just didn't have the time to really start turning over every stone trying to find them, especially since we later found out they were hidden. Although she shared your sentiment that I was lying, but I am a horrible liar. Which is funny because people have a hard time ever believing me.

I don't think I was in the state of hovering around her, essentially not respecting her boundaries, because in the end she did ask me to be with her for most of the process, and I wasn't really pestering her the entire time. Believe me, we went long stretches without talking, and neither of us ate at all that day. I had to buy food eventually, why not make it a surprise?

I don't think you are being an uber ***** for suggesting that I have no right to complain if I am just bumming it around the apartment all day. There can be nothing more infuriating than some entitled bum with is just a burden to those around him. Granted, I do feel like do that to an extent (seeing as how my parents are fully supporting me until I get out of school), but I stock the refrigerator, help out with the electric bill, and do chores like clean the place up. Thing is she has a tv and I have the PS3, so the trade off if that we cannot use one without the other.
 

evesgirl21

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Jul 21, 2011
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I guess if this "trade off" is working then you're just gonna have to put up with her "being a *****"

Be careful though...From experience I can tell you that if you really are as innocent as you say and she still treats you this way she just doesn't care about you, or trust you at all,or even like you for that matter...She may be nice sometimes even friendly but on the inside if she doesn't have faith in you your friendship/relationship/whatever it is is doomed. so it's probably best to just walk away slowly. Seriously this dilemma just gives her an excuse to get you out of her life. Really, not to be rude (again) but you don't seem to want "advice", you really aren't accepting that there are things you did that warrant her being so angry, you want people to tell you she's a ***** and that it's not your fault which is perfectly understandable...sometimes we all want to hear that we're not the bad guy. Theres nothing wrong with that. I don't "know" you and i don't "know" her so really my advice ends there. Maybe you shouldn't be looking for a forum to solve your problems.

You make yourself out to be upstanding and attractive you probably have loads of other friends with TV's that you can use for your PS3. I think she'd rather have you out of her life than in it.
 

Kanlic

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Jul 29, 2009
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evesgirl21 said:
I guess if this "trade off" is working then you're just gonna have to put up with her "being a *****"

Be careful though...From experience I can tell you that if you really are as innocent as you say and she still treats you this way she just doesn't care about you, or trust you at all,or even like you for that matter...She may be nice sometimes even friendly but on the inside if she doesn't have faith in you your friendship/relationship/whatever it is is doomed. so it's probably best to just walk away slowly. Seriously this dilemma just gives her an excuse to get you out of her life. Really, not to be rude (again) but you don't seem to want "advice", you really aren't accepting that there are things you did that warrant her being so angry, you want people to tell you she's a ***** and that it's not your fault which is perfectly understandable...sometimes we all want to hear that we're not the bad guy. Theres nothing wrong with that. I don't "know" you and i don't "know" her so really my advice ends there. Maybe you shouldn't be looking for a forum to solve your problems.

You make yourself out to be upstanding and attractive you probably have loads of other friends with TV's that you can use for your PS3. I think she'd rather have you out of her life than in it.
FYI if you "quote" instead of "reply" the person you are responding to will receive a personal message indicating they have been quoting. Replying just responds to the thread.

Anyways, I understand that I messed up, but I felt like the response I got was like trying to take care of a roach problem with a shotgun.

She sent me a lengthy text today over this incident. Essentially it said that the reason "[She] feel really bitchy lately" is because I haven't been acting the same lately. Which is nonsense because I haven't changed my behavior at all. She even said that she thinks I left the keys inside the apartment on purpose just to make her mad.

How does any of that make sense? Look I know I am no Prince Charming, but this is ridiculous.

Bah, it doesn't matter anymore. She's over it and so am I. We are back to doing the things we did before arguing over some keys, and I guess that's good.