What has been you most absurd day at work?

[Cat_loves_Dragon]

Okay so my office has had a problem with one employee and today that went... fantastically. At least for every one that is not him. This bastard was employed simply due to the fact he knew the guy that ran our business and he would come in after 9:00 PM or later high or drunk or both and do all sorts of inane shit like run the fire alarms (He got two people fired for this... somehow) kill power to the building and lock or servers from the internet. Well today he must have decided he could do that early and game in high to his own family and admitted he was on cocaine to his family that thought he was sober despite at least 30 people saying he was not. So yeah they had him tested after a lot of screaming we hired 4 people back that he had got fired and well our problem is in jail. Also we got off early and I have had... many free drinks and am rather inebriated. So yeah that was horrific for about half a year than fantastic for a day. Any one else want to share?

 

[Someone Depressing]

Nothing happened. No, really.

There are usually some nice Japanese people who come to buy lunch after college or work or whatever the hell they do; they're always nice and never cause trouble. They didn't come.
Nor did any other customers; well, I think I served one person, who bought some gum after using the bathroom. Oh, and someone on the janitorial staff needed me to help with something (just us on shift) and... well...

Nothing. I work in a garage, so it's normally very busy at least and bustling as worst.

...But last shift, nothing. It was actually very frightening. You know what they say about horror; "foreplay and climax" or whatever some pervert says. Like some ninjas were going to come out of the air ducts and us both and turn us into cyborgs forever forced into doing their dirty business, or some robbers were going to bust in...

Literally the most absurd and scariest day of my entire life. And yet I honestly cannot tell why.

 

[DANEgerous]

Mine is good... or perhaps just kind of... no i lie it was fantastic. So I was delivering Pizzas and sandwiches (still in a collage town more pizza) and at 9:50 we got an order of 40 large pizzas and I got said order and was just like... fuck it is on the fourth floor i have to carry 25+ LBS of hot food up 5 flights of stairs and I do but then (It gets NSFW after this) three hot guys come to the door totally naked to take the order and invite me to come in, to which I respond "love to do so but one more house" and my partner thought of a good idea which was "Bullshit I am not gay I will drop both off if you take that offer" and so yeah... am I saying I was a stripper in typical Jason's Deli attire? Yes, yes that is exactly what I am saying because FUCK those guys where all fucking adorable.

Also I have a Jason's Deli that is fairly close to damn bad the Pizza idea did not work. We could have been a Chippendales & also Jason's deli show. would that not be sexy? No? Okay granted you are right.

 

[Vault101]

I had to talk about something with my boss, it wasn't a huge deal but it was something kind of important, I didn't have mch reason to be concered, she's pretty good

I had it all figured out, and I was nervous

I came into her office all ready to discuss it and I imedietly forgot how to speak english and instead burst into tears and blubbered like an idiot

she was very understanding though....

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

My job isn't especially absurd, I work in the catering department of a National Trust house. Anyway, there's this little cafe at one end of the estate that's tucked away and serves hot drinks and cakes. In the winter I'd be left in charge of it and have absolutely no customers at all in a day so I'd be left alone with two log burning stoves, an espresso machine, a load of cake and my 3DS. And I got paid for it.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I can't think of a day that was particularly absurd.

Maybe my first day working in a well-known store that sold lingerie and sex toys when I was 21, that was a bit surreal.
I had the various types of toys explained to me in a really matter-of-fact way and I was trying not to giggle talking to my first few customers because the world of sex toys was pretty much new to me.

I got used to it pretty quickly though, you end up talking about butt plugs to complete strangers as if you were discussing the weather. It actually ended up being one of my favourite jobs, it's a surprisingly nice atmosphere to work in because people tend to be nervous at first and you get to have a good laugh with customers. You don't have as many rude customers in as you would with other areas of retail, in my experience.

I probably have a lot of absurd stories from that place but, in the time I was there, bizarre stories became so commonplace that I'm not sure which ones would be considered absurd by other people.

 

[Treeberry]

A previous job of mine was an absolute joke. Most of the team started flinging the proverbial crap at each other with the office windows open so anyone who walked past could hear. Then someone from the other team decided to stir things up and encourage more mud flinging. Lovely. The next day the manager threatened everyone (except for the other team's member) with termination including the people (such as myself) who had no idea what was going on. He also called multiple staff stupid, worthless and easily replaceable.

I wish I had a zany story...

 

[L. Declis]

I was once nearly hired to review six porn websites. I mean review. As in, "This website has an easy to use layout, and a vast collection of diverse material."

Ever heard of Reborn Baby Dolls? I had to write an article about them. Oh, you don't know? Here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2387720/The-disturbingly-lifelike-reborn-baby-dolls-order-grieving-parents-nostalgic-grandparents-sell-thousands-euros-Belgium.html

In a more practical time, when I was teaching English in a camp, a 14 year old girl (I was 22 at the time) decided she liked me (what can I say, I'm foreign and handsome) and spent all the two weeks trying to hug me, hold my hand, bring me food, give me presents, ask me to come to hers for dinner. That was pretty bloody awkward.
Of course, my colleagues were extremely useless and simply watched with amusement. No help or advice, just watching me and laughing.

 

[Malty Milk Whistle]

It was our bosses last day at work, and to commemorate (she was a brilliant boss) we basically partied all day.
Free bacon sarnies at 10, 2 hours of work then a hat making competition, then at around 5 we finished an hour early and went down to beer garden where there was a BBQ and general merriment.
All I could think throughout day was

 

[Toejam]

Today...I'm barricaded in my office as somebody has informed everybody at work it's my birthday tomorrow. I have another 3 hours till i'm safe from pranks/eggs and flour.

This is the entire reason why I booked the day off tomorrow so I don't have to deal with this, + it's going to be an absolute pain in the arse to try and wash out my dreads

*Edit*

The 2 main culprits are now circling round my office banging on the windows for the past 5 mins!

shit...

 

[doxydejour]

I work in a small office slap-bang in the middle of the countryside. Best, and most absurd, day of work yet was rocking up to discover the "car park" absolutely covered in tiny baby frogs on a burning hot day. Some of them had dried up and died already, and so queue all employees going full Doctor Doolittle and rescuing as many babies as we could, taking them to the lake at the bottom of the estate.

 

[Mr Fixit]

The building next door to us burned down a few years ago. I feel bad for everyone that lost their job, but watching that huge building become a blazing inferno & then nothing but rubble in just a few minutes was something I doubt I'll ever forget. We had to evacuate our building, so the boss man took us all out to breakfast that morning.

Then there was the day 3 little baby snakes slithered into the shop, it was quite fun catching them. I managed to catch one by hand, good thing I was wearing gloves because the little bastard bit me.