I'd recommend starting with a compelling description of what the players will be doing specifically. A lot of people I imagine wouldn't make it past the description of the usual dystopian future scenario, because a lot of time those are rather restrictive when it comes to RP, and don't make it to what the RP is actually about. The writing style has some small pacing and flow problems as well, but that's often less important than a clearly, early-stated purpose and role. It takes a lot of inference to understand that you're talking about a colony ship to escape a dystopian, censorship-obsessed dictatorship. And you have a lot of redundant statements padding out the explanation that can be just simplified for easier understanding, like I did above with summarizing things in one sentence. If you're going to add details, make them small and telling, like power-minorities and how they express their power and influence, in addition to common pursuits for the oppressed lower classes. Although those aren't really necessary in this case, if you want your players to fill in those kinds of things.
In addition, you may want to make clear what kind of scenarios and problems they might encounter besides the stated extended periods in a controlled environment. Players like to overcome things, face challenges and best them. Any questions?
