What if I were to tell you everything you know about history is false?

[Hamish Durie]

I know allot of you would question my intellectual mind powers, but i am widely considered a smart cookie. I once aced a spelling test IN THE 3RD GRADE!

Anyways Im here to tell you school has been lying to you ever since you were in kindergarten, and they have been doing this on purpose. The government is currently being mine-tricked by blood mages from Ubisoft and have ordered lies to be put on the education of our children!

Just to prove to you im not bullshitting you im going to tell you how world war 2 (or commonly referred to as the extinction of the dinosaurs.) really happened.

In the year 1850 a league of dinosaurs known as the excel forces (it consisted of all the t-rexes, giant sharks, and a Italian dude) declared war on man, dolphin, and machine. The dinosaurs were winning the war until the Germans (they were hired by the dinosaurs) shot thousands of v2 rockets into Washington DC! Luckily FDR used his hybrid transforming wheelchair know as pearl harbor to shoot the rockets out of the sky! Then he ordered a German scientist who defected named Goku to shoot a beam of pure power into a meteor. when he did this the meteor crashed into Japan and killed all the dinosaurs! That is how we really won the war, and we would go on in 1915 to defeat the french in world war 1.

so what does the escapist think about the truth?

I would reply prove it

then I'd think about it and say fuck it that makes alot more....it sounds cooler

 

[V8 Ninja]

Before Reading the OP: I would say "No, your X reason can be disproved with Y."

After Reading the OP: I am absolutely loving these kinds of threads. =D

 

[DeadlyYellow]

What do I think: It's fucking science.

 

[Torrasque]

In the year 1850 a league of dinosaurs known as the excel forces (it consisted of all the t-rexes, giant sharks, and a Italian dude) declared war on man, dolphin, and machine. The dinosaurs were winning the war until the Germans (they were hired by the dinosaurs) shot thousands of v2 rockets into Washington DC! Luckily FDR used his hybrid transforming wheelchair know as pearl harbor to shoot the rockets out of the sky! Then he ordered a German scientist who defected named Goku to shoot a beam of pure power into a meteor. when he did this the meteor crashed into Japan and killed all the dinosaurs! That is how we really won the war, and we would go on in 1915 to defeat the french in world war 1.

<spoiler=spoiler'd>

And here is a generic comment to avoid moderator wrath:

This is hilariously good.

http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/photos/images/newsfeed/000/158/326/9148130.jpg?1312526087
Well that was just silly. It did make me think of what pic I would use, which was a fun memory jog.

 

[kouriichi]

Id ask for proof.
If you were able to show what your telling me is true,
i would then join you in spreading the word.

 

[MintberryCrunch]

The only reason I dispute your entire argument, is because you spelt "allot" terribly.
I would have been happy to agree with you in any other situation.
1. If you are going to spell it wrong, do it right with 'alot'.
2. It isn't actually a legitimate conjunction, it's actually meant to be two words 'a lot'.

Sorry about that, but that annoys me. A lot.

Allot
?verb (used with object), -lot·ted, -lot·ting.
1.
to divide or distribute by share or portion; distribute or parcel out; apportion: to allot the available farmland among the settlers.
2.
to appropriate for a special purpose: to allot money for a park.
3.
to assign as a portion; set apart; dedicate.

And how do you know he isn't trying to appropriate things for a special purpose? He is from a different dimension, this could be perfectly normal to him.

Also OP, speaking the truth is perfectly fine but where's the part where you tell us what's wrong?

 

[Dogstile]

But then how did America gain its independence?

What independence? You're under contract from the rest of the world to protect if from supervillians and dictators. This is the truth, ALL HAIL THE ILLUMINATI.

In other news Britain is secretly run by the Scots, Egypt is in Siberia and japan was manmade in the 1500's. I love history.

 

[JamesStone]

The thing is, even if in an alternative dimension history happend that way, I bet that game companies would still be doing boring same-y FPS´s.

 

[O maestre]

damn son pass that blunt over to the rest of us cause that shit is dope

 

[Mavinchious Maximus]

But then how did America gain its independence?

In the year 4000 bc George Washington and his guild of zombie killing baddasses killed the Lich king. Then Washington toke the throne.

Ok since some of you are doubting the truth, I will tell you all how America became a republic.

In the year 2013 BC the Chinese emperor John Wilks Booth led a sneak attack on America and captured Washington DC. After the public got the news of how the Chinese slaughtered the royal family, a young carpenter named Abraham Lincoln decided to go into the woods. Their he met a grizzly bear named tom who was king of the forest. After some time Abraham and Tom both realized what had to be done. Tom helped Abraham forge a m16 out of the beard of Cthulhu, they named it the Emancipator.

Later that day Abraham threw a saddle on Tom and they rode into Washington dc with a army of animals from the woods. The battle was epic until John Wilks Booth challenged Abraham to a light-saber duel. It was their where Abraham fought gallantly against Booth until Booth did a 360 spin and cut Abraham in half! Then he fell into lava! Luckily a para-medic found him and turned Abraham into A GIANT CYBORG! He then flew around Washington DC and forced the Chinese out of the country.

Abraham then sat down on a giant chair and turned into stone.

 

[Mavinchious Maximus]

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
that is the most fantastic thing I have ever heard, please tell us the full history of your dimension, publish it or something..

I have been thinking about writing a book for some time now. I would publish all the random stuff that comes into my mind, I will call it the pie of truth.

 

[Mavinchious Maximus]

I never said what they'd do with him when they got him, and your front row seat is reserved and includes a commemorative programe!

I want my seat between Travis Touchdown and Farah or my money back! =P

Deal! (and your seat's free)

Do I get a seat?

 

[Mavinchious Maximus]

Well, I'd be interested in knowing how World War 2 happened before World War 1, OP. I'd also ask you to put the pills down so I can get you in a strait jacket.

Well it happened afterwards because it was the prequel duh.

 

[Cheezeypoofs]

My history major is worthless now! Oh well, not gonna do anything with it really. Now if all the laws in America are wrong (I mean not factual, as many are morally wrong) then I'll have a problem.

If this book does come out, I may purchase it.

 

[putowtin]

I never said what they'd do with him when they got him, and your front row seat is reserved and includes a commemorative programe!

I want my seat between Travis Touchdown and Farah or my money back! =P

Deal! (and your seat's free)

Do I get a seat?

the seat of honor, in the middle of the arena!

 

[FalloutJack]

You know, there was ANOTHER XKCD comic about this, but I don't feel like searching for it. Instead, Weird Al.


It seemed like the right thing to do.

 

[Zykon TheLich]

That was about as funny as kittens with cancer. Possibly even less so.

 

[Mavinchious Maximus]

That was about as funny as kittens with cancer. Possibly even less so.

That's fine bra not everyone in the world have the same sense of humor.

 

[Arakasi]

The only reason I dispute your entire argument, is because you spelt "allot" terribly.
I would have been happy to agree with you in any other situation.
1. If you are going to spell it wrong, do it right with 'alot'.
2. It isn't actually a legitimate conjunction, it's actually meant to be two words 'a lot'.

Sorry about that, but that annoys me. A lot.

Allot
?verb (used with object), -lot·ted, -lot·ting.
1.
to divide or distribute by share or portion; distribute or parcel out; apportion: to allot the available farmland among the settlers.
2.
to appropriate for a special purpose: to allot money for a park.
3.
to assign as a portion; set apart; dedicate.

And how do you know he isn't trying to appropriate things for a special purpose? He is from a different dimension, this could be perfectly normal to him.

Also OP, speaking the truth is perfectly fine but where's the part where you tell us what's wrong?

Context is a wonderful think, if you use it.

I know allot of you would question my intellectual mind powers, but i am widely considered a smart cookie. I once aced a spelling test IN THE 3RD GRADE!

The only reason I dispute your entire argument, is because you spelt "allot" terribly.
I would have been happy to agree with you in any other situation.
1. If you are going to spell it wrong, do it right with 'alot'.
2. It isn't actually a legitimate conjunction, it's actually meant to be two words 'a lot'.

Sorry about that, but that annoys me. A lot.

Hmm, it seems my brain did a mindfuckery on me... I did not see that #2... I am terribly sorry, I am now ashamed and shall go hide in the basement until you forgive me.

It's alright.