What if real life were like a game?

[The Almighty Aardvark]

This is sort of the flip of the bringing real life logic into games thread. I know we've had threads like this before, but I don't remember seeing one in a while, and most of the forum traffic is currently dedicated to a game that I don't own.

To get things started off:

Sex would be really boring. Both parties would be rendered blind as their vision faded to black.

Putting a fence around your house with a locked gate would stop 100% of home invasions

 

[tippy2k2]

I'm just excited for the checkpoints to finally start working...

Health problems? You just need to either eat something or crouch in the corner for a little while until your health comes back. Worst case scenario is Phoenix Down that problem (Warning: May not work if your death is instrumental to the plot development)

Said something stupid to your crush? Repeatedly high five them until they love you again.

Bad at cooking? Just going to keep making bowls of cereal until you level up in cooking. Then you can make anything you want!

 

[The Almighty Aardvark]

Said something stupid to your crush? Repeatedly high five them until they love you again.

While we're in Fable territory, crowds would literally gather around to watch you whistle or break wind. Sadly this has never had quite as positive of an impact to my social standing

 

[Scarim Coral]

Lets see-

Carry a stuff of tons into a single pocket or a small bag.

Redo a day, month or ayear or two from a save point depending how many save slots we have.

We would be very durable unless it's Darksould/ Bloodborne.

Our lives will have direction thanks to objective/ checkpoint.

Jumping from a high place won't hurt nor break our bones.

Everyone will look more attractives (apply to both males and females).

Brawl fight will be one on one kung fu ish with special moves but face in one direction.

You will see three or more dialogues to say during a conversation have will either have plenty or time or a few sec to picked.

When you hold a gun or a melee weapon, you would literally hold it so that your right side of your sight can see the weapon or you somehow see it right behind yourself!

 

[ScaredIndie]

It would likely be pay to win.

Oh wait.... never mind.

 

[sanquin]

Who needs classes to learn something? Just read a few skill books and you're set!

Want to be an athlete? Put those stat points into agility/stamina, even though you gained said stat points by leveling up through cooking a few meals. Want to be a scientist? Better become a mass murderer/animal abuser and put those points into intellect/wisdom!

Almost dying because the cops are shooting you full of holes? (after your murder spree to earn stat points of course.) Open your bag! Everyone will freeze mid-action while you find your 10 bottled waters and drink them. And bam, bullet holes gone!

Need a weapon for once again a murder spree? Just go to your local general store or pawn shop or whatever. They'll openly sell you whatever you need (gun? sword? bow and arrows?) for a low price, no questions asked, and it's all legal too!

And an obvious one that I'm surprised hasn't been mentioned yet:
Need to cut down a tree? Just start punching it! It either won't harm you at all, or only leave a few scratches. And once you're done, the tree will break up into neat, evenly sized logs upon hitting the ground.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Everybody would be The Chosen One, bankrupting The Chosen One market. So we would watch movies and read books about people who are nobody, do nothing and accomplish nothing of importance.

 

[Something Amyss]

Sex would be really boring. Both parties would be rendered blind as their vision faded to black.

Fortunately, it would also be easy to do right, as you could just follow the button prompts.

Being blown up is a 500 dollar medical issue.

You can carry thousands of rounds of ammo for literally a dozen or more guns in any clothing you have to be wearing--possibly even if you're naked.

Sleep is only necessary to advance time or the plot in most cases, and at worst to restore health and/or magic.

Items cost more the further you get from home.

Vehicles never need fuel. Whether it's your trusty horse, your steampunk airship, or your Abrams tank, they can run forever as long as you don't destroy them.

You can drift in anything. I mean anything.

A bit broke? You can probably find cash or other useful items laying around the city.

It's okay to rummage through someone's underwear drawer and keep what you find.

Three foot high walls may be unpassable.

Eating like it's the last day on earth almost never leads to weight gain.

Your gun will auto-aim for you.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

I would burn it to the ground and get a new one.

Let's plays...wouldn't they fall under "reality TV?"

What would games be though, if life was a game? ...Life?

Peter Molyneux would be the parents in denial.

David Cage would be J.saville and co.

EA would be conservative/republican/right-wingers.

CD projekt red would be Jeremy Corbyn.

That is all.

Wait...i've done this wrong, haven't i?

 

[Thaluikhain]

Either every guy would be entitled to a hot female plaything, or women would be to scared to be fridged to date anyone.

It would likely be pay to win.

Oh wait.... never mind.

I think we have a winner.

 

[Saltyk]

You could easily spot people who lie. If they claim to have accomplished something, just check their achievements list to see if they actually have.

"I'm sorry, but you haven't actually attained a black belt in Muay Thai. But you did kick a dog... You're a monster."

 

[Cycloptomese]

If there were a traffic accident, an ambulance would come crashing into the scene, further damaging vehicles and further injuring bystanders. It's also possible that the ambulance might just fall right out of the sky. Paramedics would exit the ambulance and immediately be run over by a firetruck.

 

[Zen Bard]

A quest log would tell you just what the hell you needed to do to move on to the next level (of your life).

You could make a living by finding random junk and selling it back to Wal-Mart or Target.

A handy dandy mini-map would tell you the location of all the hostiles. This includes school bullies, backstabbing coworkers and solicitous sales-people.

If you wanted to get smarter, just kill a bunch of rats and put the skill points earned into "Intelligence"

All clothes would instantly fit no matter where you obtained them. However, they wouldn't necessarily match.

You will never need to eat, sleep, pee or poop. However contact with a static body of water will instantly kill you.

Taylor Swift and her Squad is your final Boss fight.

 

[redmoretrout]

Life would be very linear, with only a like one or two decisions that would have a significant impact. Nothing you chose really matters you'll probably end up in the same place.

Invisible force fields at your town's borders.

 

[Qizx]

Three foot high walls may be unpassable.

Ok this one made me giggle. I really do find it hilarious how is so many games there are "walls" or things you JUST CAN'T PASS. Despite being literally the easiest thing in the real world to get around.

 

[gorfias]

My wife says of me that I already drive my car as if I'm in a game. She has a point.

 

[sageoftruth]

If I'm on a date, but I lack the social skills to know what to say, I'll just randomly select one of the four options provided for me. If that fails, I can make up for it by buying a hundred copies of her favorite gift and giving them to her over and over until she's infatuated with me.

 

[sageoftruth]

There will be no coincidences. Every room I walk into will have something that is useful to me. Every person I talk to will somehow be interwoven into my destiny. Everything I see on the news will affect my life somehow. After all, why would anything exist if not to serve a purpose in my personal narrative?