What if we started using the statistical excuse of why not to get married on going to college

[bdcjacko]

Just to be clear, stating a statistic is not the same thing as using an excuse. More than half of marriages do fail.

Just to be clear, stating a statistic is not the same thing as using an excuse. More than half of marriages do fail.

More than half of all college students do drop out.

This is true, but your question involved "using a statistical excuse". By definition a judgement based on statistics would not be an excuse unless the statistic was based of off faulty information, which in both these cases, it is not.

It can still be used as an excuse though. Excuses can be based off factual information, can't they?

exactly. just because the stats are there doesn't mean you understand how to read them or what they mean there for it can be an excuse. Saying that you aren't going to do something simply because 50% of the time it fails, is an excuse unless you understand why. Why do 50% of college kids drop out? They don't know what they want to do, aren't interested, don't have the money, don't have the study skill and so on. And if you then realize you fit into one of those reason and decide to not pursue college, that is a judgement based of good stats. But just saying well half of all college students drop out so I might as well not try is an excuse.

That being said, lots of "arguments" against marriage end at the well 50% fail, so I won't get married. That is an excuse if you don't go the next step and look at the reasons the fail, and the analyze it as yeah, I will probably cheat, they will probably cheat, I'm/they're not emotionally ready for this or whatever, those are legit reason. But stopping at the stats is an excuse.

 

[antidonkey]

So what does it mean if you dropped out of college and have divorced?

Does this mean I'm ahead of the curve?

Eh...don't mind being single and while I may not have a college degree, I do have a well paying job that involves staying inside with the air conditioning all day.

 

[DracoSuave]

Has it occured to you that perhaps the primary reason 'I haven't found someone I desire to wed' is so FUCKING OBVIOUS that it doesn't even need to be said, just like someone who isn't eating their breakfast doesn't need to provide any sort of reason if they happen to be dead?

I mean, is the person in question single? Are they in a long-term relationship? Are they your girl/boyfriend?

Not to mention, asking the question imposes a bias on the respondant. A lot of unmarried individuals feel pressure from society, parents, friends, and often the question asked is 'Why aren't you married yet?' and so they've developed a reaction to the question, one designed to be defensive and end discussion as quickly as possible about a subject that is no one's business.

Why does it bother you what reason people have for not getting married? Maybe 'I'm not in love enough' is too personal and it's not your business.

Maybe they see you as someone who's the type to get bothered by a very personal response to a very personal question.

The fact that you actually find irritation at how some people's reasons for not getting involved in the largest commitment in their life--without context of whether or not there actually is someone to marry!--is more telling of you than of anyone else. Who cares if you're bothered or irritated? You should mind your own business, and let people alone about a very personal subject.

 

[WanderingFool]

just because there is a high chance of falure does not mean i am going to try
100% of people end up dead but that doesnt mean im going to skip to the end. i have more to gain from tring and failing at marrage and university than giving up and not going at all. statistics can only be just that an excuse. just because 10 million people all agree dosnt make them right.

i run my life as i see fit and i see fit to try and learn from it

Spoiler: Well... it needs to be said

I utterly love this mindset.

 

[Lilani]

-snip-

I agree with you. Anyone who uses that argument has clearly not put a thought into what they think REALLY think of marriage, or put it into context with any relationship they are in or might have. They don't have someone they would consider spending the rest of their life with, and nor can they even imagine how they would feel if they had someone like that. Because of that, the subject of marriage is essentially meaningless to them, so they reach out for other ways to explain it--ways that aren't based on self-reflection or forethought. So, what is the easiest way to sound knowledgeable on a subject without having to show any of your own personal character...oh yeah! Statistics!

Also, it could have to do with some uncertainty about their future. Marriage is a big change, and can be severely and unnecessarily put at risk if you choose to commit at the wrong point in your life. If you get married to someone in the army who you know has a good chance of getting deployed within a few months, that will put a lot of strain on the marriage that waiting and seeing could alleviate. Plus there's the financial issues--getting married costs money, and if you're going to college at the same time that could put you at even more of a disadvantage than if you got married post-graduation.

So if they're pulling out the divorce card, it could just be an indicator that they aren't sure what their future entails and if their future life will be stable enough to sustain a marriage.

Deciding whether or not you are going to marry according to divorce statistics is like deciding whether or not you are going to drive according to accident statistics. If all you're thinking about is how many opportunities you have to fail, clearly you aren't approaching the subject from the right end. Making something you can control seem as though it's something you can't is simply refusing to think about their own personal responsibilities.

 

[Yoshisummons]

Well then I have here a lottery ticket which has a .00001% chance of being the winning ticket which is 155 Million U.S.D. which I will give to you for the cheap price of 2 dollars. What? You don't want to buy it?

Well that is obviously different because people perceive it to be. People believe in the going to college getting a spouse with 2.4 kids a nice white picketed fence, and logic be damned.

Are you asking this question because having people use facts and logic upsets you somehow, or is it something else entirely?

 

[DrOswald]

College will get you money in the end (Probably) marriage wont. (At least if your a dude)

Maybe, but speaking as a married man, marriage is the best. It is sad that so many people are keeping themselves from that happiness because they are unwilling to take the risk that it might go bad.

 

[aba1]

The difference is that it is up to you if you drop out of college. With divorce, the other person can make that decision for you. No fault divorce equals unilateral divorce.

Trust me, the college can decide to kick you out unilaterally as well.

The college won't do that without a good reason. Colleges aren't human beings with shifting emotions that change their mind, they are a business.

You'd be surprised to them your just a paycheck so if you get a terrible teacher who doesnt like you well your screwed cause the school isnt hiring a new employee and your very replacable, thats the sad truth

 

[Flutterguy]

Well seeing as divorced made my dad an abusive alcoholic who has written off the entire family (including his parents), I think I have a decent enough reason to never want to be married.

 

[aba1]

College will get you money in the end (Probably) marriage wont. (At least if your a dude)

Maybe, but speaking as a married man, marriage is the best. It is sad that so many people are keeping themselves from that happiness because they are unwilling to take the risk that it might go bad.

alot of people forget all the advantages to being married I find too

 

[bdcjacko]

-snip-

I agree with you. Anyone who uses that argument has clearly not put a thought into what they think REALLY think of marriage, or put it into context with any relationship they are in or might have. They don't have someone they would consider spending the rest of their life with, and nor can they even imagine how they would feel if they had someone like that. Because of that, the subject of marriage is essentially meaningless to them, so they reach out for other ways to explain it--ways that aren't based on self-reflection or forethought. So, what is the easiest way to sound knowledgeable on a subject without having to show any of your own personal character...oh yeah! Statistics!

Also, it could have to do with some uncertainty about their future. Marriage is a big change, and can be severely and unnecessarily put at risk if you choose to commit at the wrong point in your life. If you get married to someone in the army who you know has a good chance of getting deployed within a few months, that will put a lot of strain on the marriage that waiting and seeing could alleviate. Plus there's the financial issues--getting married costs money, and if you're going to college at the same time that could put you at even more of a disadvantage than if you got married post-graduation.

So if they're pulling out the divorce card, it could just be an indicator that they aren't sure what their future entails and if their future life will be stable enough to sustain a marriage.

Deciding whether or not you are going to marry according to divorce statistics is like deciding whether or not you are going to drive according to accident statistics. If all you're thinking about is how many opportunities you have to fail, clearly you aren't approaching the subject from the right end. Making something you can control seem as though it's something you can't is simply refusing to think about their own personal responsibilities.

Exactly the what I was driving at. I've been impressed with how many people actually thought this through.

 

[Epona]

College will get you money in the end (Probably) marriage wont. (At least if your a dude)

Maybe, but speaking as a married man, marriage is the best. It is sad that so many people are keeping themselves from that happiness because they are unwilling to take the risk that it might go bad.

If you ever get divorced and lose everything while enjoying the privilege of paying her child support and/or alimony, you may sing a different tune. Marriage holds very little for men and many men agree once they've seen the other side of the coin, divorce. Of course, these days young men see it happen all around them and don't need to find out first hand. Apparently there is a Marriage Strike going on too.


As for college, alot of people drive themselves into debt right out of high school and then end up working for McDonalds trying to pay back that debt. That's the best reason to avoid college, teachers should not encourage everyone to go to college.

 

[Ace of Spades]

That argument always infuriates me because extrapolating beyond the divorce statistics and applying them to yourself assumes that which marriages end in divorce is randomly distributed, and it isn't. Statistics allow you to make conclusions about an entire population, not an individual case.

 

[Flying Dagger]

Surely it is quite easy to distuinguish between your chances of success at college/marriage, against the average statistics for success. If you work hard, you'll pass your degree, if you truly feel right about the person, chances are that even if you don't last forever, the years between will be that much more special.

Using broad statistics to judge individual case studies is inherently flawed.

If the average lifespan in your country is 58, would you decide not to book a session skydiving because statistically you'll die?

 

[DrOswald]

College will get you money in the end (Probably) marriage wont. (At least if your a dude)

Maybe, but speaking as a married man, marriage is the best. It is sad that so many people are keeping themselves from that happiness because they are unwilling to take the risk that it might go bad.

If you ever get divorced and lose everything while enjoying the privilege of paying her child support and/or alimony, you may sing a different tune. Marriage holds very little for men and many men agree once they've seen the other side of the coin, divorce. Of course, these days young men see it happen all around them and don't need to find out first hand. Apparently there is a Marriage Strike going on too.


As for college, alot of people drive themselves into debt right out of high school and then end up working for McDonalds trying to pay back that debt. That's the best reason to avoid college, teachers should not encourage everyone to go to college.

All I am arguing is that by my own personal experience, marriage holds a lot of value for men (as I am not a woman I can't make that call.) It may not be financial benefits, but the emotional benefits are great. And I agree divorce is bad and people should not rush into marriage. I have witnessed a number of divorces in my extended family, and they are never pretty. I still think it is worth the risk.

And as I have seen it, it is very rare for someone to "lose everything" in a divorce. None of the divorces in my extended family resulted in financial ruin. If you would care to point me to a reliable source on the matter, I may concede the point.

 

[Epona]

College will get you money in the end (Probably) marriage wont. (At least if your a dude)

Maybe, but speaking as a married man, marriage is the best. It is sad that so many people are keeping themselves from that happiness because they are unwilling to take the risk that it might go bad.

If you ever get divorced and lose everything while enjoying the privilege of paying her child support and/or alimony, you may sing a different tune. Marriage holds very little for men and many men agree once they've seen the other side of the coin, divorce. Of course, these days young men see it happen all around them and don't need to find out first hand. Apparently there is a Marriage Strike going on too.


As for college, alot of people drive themselves into debt right out of high school and then end up working for McDonalds trying to pay back that debt. That's the best reason to avoid college, teachers should not encourage everyone to go to college.

All I am arguing is that by my own personal experience, marriage holds a lot of value for men (as I am not a woman I can't make that call.) It may not be financial benefits, but the emotional benefits are great. And I agree divorce is bad and people should not rush into marriage. I have witnessed a number of divorces in my extended family, and they are never pretty. I still think it is worth the risk.

And as I have seen it, it is very rare for someone to "lose everything" in a divorce. None of the divorces in my extended family resulted in financial ruin. If you would care to point me to a reliable source on the matter, I may concede the point.

It is very common for men to lose the house, the car, the children and end up paying for the honor. If you haven't seen that for yourself, then look a little harder (it's very common). I can't show you proof that you would find credible. Your best bet is to Google it yourself, or don't if you don't want to. Look for things like the Marriage Strike as a jumping off point.

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

Marriages end in devorces because of idiots, they are one sided. It could be a mistake, it could be douches getting married, the 50/50 marriage thing should apply to your social class.

Now as for College, the same things apply in diffirent aspects, people don't know what to do, you have to take classes that will never help you, and it is in a non learning enviornment in some cases.

I chose a job where I can teach myself, and by the time I can go to college, i'll have enough experance in the field that anyone teaching me we be talking to me about crap I already know.

And plus, you don't need a degree for it.

 

[DrOswald]

College will get you money in the end (Probably) marriage wont. (At least if your a dude)

Maybe, but speaking as a married man, marriage is the best. It is sad that so many people are keeping themselves from that happiness because they are unwilling to take the risk that it might go bad.

If you ever get divorced and lose everything while enjoying the privilege of paying her child support and/or alimony, you may sing a different tune. Marriage holds very little for men and many men agree once they've seen the other side of the coin, divorce. Of course, these days young men see it happen all around them and don't need to find out first hand. Apparently there is a Marriage Strike going on too.


As for college, alot of people drive themselves into debt right out of high school and then end up working for McDonalds trying to pay back that debt. That's the best reason to avoid college, teachers should not encourage everyone to go to college.

All I am arguing is that by my own personal experience, marriage holds a lot of value for men (as I am not a woman I can't make that call.) It may not be financial benefits, but the emotional benefits are great. And I agree divorce is bad and people should not rush into marriage. I have witnessed a number of divorces in my extended family, and they are never pretty. I still think it is worth the risk.

And as I have seen it, it is very rare for someone to "lose everything" in a divorce. None of the divorces in my extended family resulted in financial ruin. If you would care to point me to a reliable source on the matter, I may concede the point.

It is very common for men to lose the house, the car, the children and end up paying for the honor. If you haven't seen that for yourself, then look a little harder (it's very common). I can't show you proof that you would find credible. Your best bet is to Google it yourself, or don't if you don't want to. Look for things like the Marriage Strike as a jumping off point.

I looked up the marriage strike and I could find no real information on any of the sites I saw. I read a bunch of "men are this" and "you could lose everything!" statements, but nothing that had real evidence or pointed me to a reputable source of information on divorce and marriage statistics. It is possible that I looked in the wrong places. Can you point me to where I can find the statistics and studies on divorce settlements?

You say it is very common for men to lose the car, the house, the children and to end up paying alimony. How common? 90% of the time? 5% of the time? Do you know anyone personally? Is this in the case of a no-fault divorce or at-fault? If the man lost the house, etc. did he get the bank account? or were all the assets taken by the woman? Were assets divided 50-50 or 90-10? Can you give me a little more to work off here? All you are really saying is "trust me, I know a thing" and expecting me to change my opinion. As a happily married individual, gonna need more than that.