What if...you could speak to the world or at least the Nation for five minutes?

[Bruce]

Greetings everybody. As it is clear you are only listening to me because you are A: an evil minion listening in while escaping the blast radius or B: trying to figure out where my evil minions have stashed those nukes, may I suggest checking beneath the cushions?

Now of course some of you might be asking why I would be so mad as to want to destroy the world. I could say it was the only way to clear the air of all the bullshit, but mostly it is because I really liked playing Fallout.

That is also why your town hall is currently being over-run by genetically engineered giant scorpions.

That's right ladies and gentlemen, I am destroying the world because of video games.

Goodnight, and good luck to the survivors.

Is that Batman? Oof...

 

[Wintermute_v1legacy]

In a realistic situation, this is what would happen:

Hello, everyone... uh... hm... hello.

Followed by 5 minutes of awkward stuttering. I'm not that good with huge crowds. I can handle 5, 10, even 20 people, but the entire world is just too much.

 

[Leemaster777]

I'm not so egotistical to think that there's anything I could possibly say to the entire world that would have the least bit of meaning.

I could preach about love, and tolerance, and being nice to people for the same of being nice, and all that crap that I honestly believe, and say it from the heart. And it would be absolutely pointless.

So instead, I'd say this:

Spoiler

At least if I did that, it'd be memorable.

 

[Izanagi009_v1legacy]

To the denizens of the Earth

I am the great being that presides over you and I shall report my disappointment. Humanity has become too warped for its own good. Wars are being waged for mere pride instead of morals, Exploitation of other nations is rampant, Hedonism is spreading at an disquieting rate, and your potential has been squandered. I gave you the mind and body to ascent past animal instinct and yet you choose to sink back into the muck of primitive behavior. It's time for humanity to evolve or die: Three trials shall be put in place. The first will be the introduction of a new set of laws: The laws are far greater and with grander names in the Aeon of Horus that I originate from but for you of the Aeon of Osiris, They are known as Magic and Esper abilities. Come the next full moon, random individuals will be given powers beyond mortal reckoning. The next trail shall be the birth of a demigod: he shall descend upon the Earth with truths about the laws of both this aeon and mine. Your sciences will reach their end goals, your subjective religions shall crumple before the truth about what lies beyond and his power is so great that the ignorant of nations and world shall fall. The third will be a coming Armageddon. The first Armageddon gave you the ability to evolve to what you are, the second will test to see if worthy of continual survival.

We shall see if my judgment to create you was misguided or not

(yeah, I really don't like the world and its politics, focus on entertainment, and nationalistic hubris. I would love to see the world burn in the fires of judgement)

(well, that was a good chance to let my stress out. I may be a bit melodramatic (doesn't help that my sensibilities are so rooted in either really dark or really over the top anime))

 

[Scarim Coral]

I would tell them that they should stop being a dick (this apply to dome people, not all of them) and everyone should be more civil to each other.

 

[DarkishFriend]

Always relevant

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pK2WJd5bXFg

 

[Grach]

I'd love to say something along the lines of "I've poisoned the world's water supply with ricin. You have 3 days of agonizing death."

It doesn't have to be true of course.

 

[CrazyGirl17]

"My fellow Americans, I have some very important things to say:

We're overpopulated as it is, so stop having babies and try adopting instead.

Homosexuality is not a sin, so calm down.

And for crying out loud, enough with the reality TV already!"

 

[Flaery]

Being a habitual potty-mouth, and not all too serious person, I believe I would just scream every word I could think of for around 1 minute then spend another 3 minutes apologizing before ending off with a straight minute of insults.

 

[Blitsie]

I'd tell them how amazing Okami is and maybe throw in a joke about everyone's mother.

 

[MammothBlade]

I'd sell Anarchism to the entire world, and declare all established authority null and void. I'd proclaim the equality of all citizens and the sovereignty of the individual. I'd denounce tyranny and cruelty to other human beings and call for a worldwide permanent revolution.

 

[The Lyre]

Five minutes of genuine, pathetic hatred, most likely.

Just five minutes of calm, composed whining about how horrible and shit everything is.

Not with any specific goal or agenda in mind. I certainly wouldn't claim to represent anyone or anything good and righteous, or even poignant - I wouldn't even have a point. It would hardly be a dignified or meaningful use of those five minutes, but that's all I'd ever be able to use them for.

If anything, I guess it would just be an argument for humility.

I certainly wouldn't give me those five minutes.

 

[The White Hunter]

Greetings peons and mortals.

I stand before you to bring you news that i can fix all of your problems and crush all of your enemies.

Give me your money and be prepared to die for I have just declared war on X neighbouring nations.

Edi:

Alternatively I would ask them if they thought the sea would get deeper or shallower if we took out all the sponges.

 

[knight steel]

Most likely I would just play one of these:

If I had to say something original then I would state the following:

[spoiler:Our Burden]
We are all born equal when we first come into this world of ours however due to a combination of luck-fate-circumstances certain people end up being more important than others , with some being born into first world countries and other?s into third world countries ect ect. These people sacrifice themselves and go through great suffering so that we may live our comfortable life that we have, it is thanks to them that we have the items we hold and the food that we eat. This is the nature of the world that we live in and cannot be stopped or overcomed only ignored or accepted for what it is. This is the Karma that we must bare we should never forget that they were born just like us neither should we forget that they now suffer while we don?t. It is our duty because of this to value our life that we have and make the most of it, to find something important and to hold on to it otherwise the sacrifice the other have made we be for naught honour them by living to the fullest regardless of the circumstances.[/spoiler]

Or perhaps this instead:

[spoiler:Emotion]
Emotion is not logical and it cannot be reasoned with, it is not based on facts or something tangible that you can hold it is the opposite it is something that you feel and regardless of what people might say to you or what event may happen it cannot be swayed or simple banished or changed to what one may deem to be a more positive state of being but sticks to you and no amount of words or actions can sway it and make you feel differently. It is caused by the chemicals in your brain dictating and telling you what to feel this chemicals consume you and devour you forcing you to obey what they say. They affect your body the emotions that they create cause a vast amount of physical feeling that stem directly from your mind/thought and the emotions that your chemicals have created. At this time it is best to simply let these emotions wash over you completely and to not fight against them, knowing that emotions do not last forever although they might feel like it they are like the weather which come and go as seasons and that when dealing with them all we can do is wait them out until new chemicals and emotions and feeling are created.[/spoiler]

 

[Crispee]

Dear World,

World, just please grit your teeth and work together, nothing is worth war, if you can do that then we won't apocalypse ourselves out of existence.

Religions, enough spreading, focus on making yourselves good people.

Athiests, forget about your opinions on religion, do whatever it takes within your personal philosophy to become good to yourself and to others.

You're all awful, pathetic people, you've driven lots of our world into dystopia, this was your own will, if you want it to not be, then everybody, help each other.

If none of you can do this, then frankly, you deserve to have us blinked out of existence.

Hackett out.


(Failing that, just something to the effect of everybody shutting up and fixing our damn problems rather than arguing about every individual thing.)

 

[LAGG]

I'd advertise the hell out of my iOS and Android game, of course.

BTW, that's what I thought the thing inside Molyneux's Curiosity cube was, not some lame MMO thing.

 

[RelexCryo]

Attention world: It is not spying on people, gun control, or video game bans that produce low crime rates. It is social programs that improve the quality of life of the poor. Russia has gun control like Britain and crime rates worse than USA. Switzerland hands out machine guns to almost everyone, has excellent social programs, and less crime than Britain. In conclusion: give healthcare and good housing to the poor, improve the education system, and make people's lives better instead of trying to oppress them. Thank you for your time.