What if you woke up and you were an anteater?
- Thread starter Phlakes
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So i'm a platypus now? I would wait in my bedroom until somebody finds me because I wouldn't be able to open doors. When they do find me I would say they would call animal control and I would end up on the news. They would end up putting me in Dublin Zoo. Then I don't know not much I can do i'm trapped as a Platypus in a zoo and can only question why and how it happened to me. It would cause great saddness but I would have to carry on living (lord knows what I would get to eat.) A depressed venomous mammal on the public stage.
I'd discover the true meaning of Kafkaesque, then proceed to make everything really sticky.
After all of that, I'd probably contrive a way to get myself shipped to the Jersey Wildlife Trust, because the late Gerald Durrell was an avid anteater enthusiast, and I know I would find a good home there.
After all of that, I'd probably contrive a way to get myself shipped to the Jersey Wildlife Trust, because the late Gerald Durrell was an avid anteater enthusiast, and I know I would find a good home there.
1)become platypus
2)paint self yellow, hold head in hands all day
3)find pokemon fan
4)?????
5)profit/delicious berries/honour and glory in gladiatorial combat.
"when that pokeball opens...unleash intimidate"
By the way, why are so many people's houses infested with ants?
2)paint self yellow, hold head in hands all day
3)find pokemon fan
4)?????
5)profit/delicious berries/honour and glory in gladiatorial combat.
"when that pokeball opens...unleash intimidate"
By the way, why are so many people's houses infested with ants?
Great, my prayers was heard and I don't have to randomly work 14 hours a day.Phlakes said:So, you're on your computer one night, listening to your guilty pleasure J-pop, maybe looking at some porn, and then you realize you have work in four hours, so you go to sleep.
Unfortunately, when you wake up, you find you have the body of an anteater.
Fuck.
You retain all your memories and thought, as if your meager human brain was transplanted into the anteater body. So what do you do? To first clear a few things up-
-You are now completely anteater except for your brain. That means you have all the usual anteater functions and tendencies, most notably a craving for ants.
-Having the anteater body, you are now not capable of regular speech.
-You also have no thumbs. But you do have a long tongue now. That's cool, I guess.
-No, you do not wake up with your clothes on. Whatever force transformed you was a bit chilly that night and figured you wouldn't be needing them anyway.
-You want to be a platypus instead? Eh... sure, works for me.
So, with your new anteater/platypus body, how do you adjust to the world? Do you look for a cure to your curse, if you'd rather be human? Do you amaze the world with your anteater antics? Or would the first person you see just shoot you?
Personally, I would type on a computer to communicate with whoever is closest, and convince them that anteaters are an alien species that crashed on Earth long ago and devolved into their current state, and that I was sent as an ambassador to make peace agreements with the earthlings. Instant fame, and if I ever needed to assassinate a world leader, this would give me quite an opportunity in my several meetings with the UN.
Well First I'd have to explain to my family - http://imagemacros.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/anteater_dont_worry.jpg
When I end up in the zoo I will do maths and write out words to end up becoming a world famous platypus. Yes I did steal the idea from others on the thread but it would make my life as a platypus better.
1: Awaken and search for ant hill
2: Break open that said ant hill
3: Then eat every ant in that hill and then this bloated male will find a female for extra curicular activites and probably get shut down and crawl back under my dirt and sleep.
4: Then it would be a repeat of that for the rest of my life unless i can find a cureor be transformed into a more adorable animal like a cat.
2: Break open that said ant hill
3: Then eat every ant in that hill and then this bloated male will find a female for extra curicular activites and probably get shut down and crawl back under my dirt and sleep.
4: Then it would be a repeat of that for the rest of my life unless i can find a cureor be transformed into a more adorable animal like a cat.
The first thing I would do is find someone I trust. Then, through the most elaborate game of anteater charades ever to be seen, I would proceed to explain my situation to this person. Once they stopped screaming and trying to hit me with a broom/baseball bat/whatever is handy, (I am certainly capable of communicating to even the most frightened of people, even as an anteater) then I would set them to work on adapting a laptop for my needs. Perhaps something along the line of one of those eye tracking deals, as I really don't want to learn to re-type with anteater paws.
Once I have my laptop, I will begin my new opus, My Life As an Anteater. It will be lauded around the world as the greatest anteater fiction ever written. I will be hailed as one of the brightest minds ever to come from the wilds. I, will be legend.
Once I have my laptop, I will begin my new opus, My Life As an Anteater. It will be lauded around the world as the greatest anteater fiction ever written. I will be hailed as one of the brightest minds ever to come from the wilds. I, will be legend.