What is everyones favorite Cave Johnson quote?

[Aidinthel]

"Alright this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward. So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business."

 

[mireko]

As far as I can tell this hasn't been posted yet: "They say science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here! At Aperture we do all our science from scratch. No hand-holding."

 

[Giantpanda602]

The part with the lemons was just...perfect. I was in tears.

 

[Titan Buttons]

Your not part of the control group, last guy got blue paint hahah but seriously though that actually happened

 

[Bags159]

Lemon rant was the best. Glados' reactions to him was icing on the cake.

"YEAEESSS! BURN THEIR HOUSE!!! HE'S SAYING WHAT WE'RE ALL THINKING!!! OOOH, I LIKE THIS GUY"

But pretty much everything he said was comedy gold.

 

[Fangv2]

"Science isn't about why, it's about why not. You ask: Why is so much of our science dangerous? I say: Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you in the butt on the way out, because you are fired."

~ Cave Johnson

 

[NnyTheV]

"I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons!"
I'm actually using that whole section as an audition monologue soon.

 

[LoFr3Eq]

"It turns out that we can hardly afford seven grams of moon dust, let alone seven tonnes, and that it isn't the cure for old age, just makes an old man even sicker. It does conduct portals quite well though."

 

[Cazza]

*turns page* Don't get covered in the repulsion gel.

That one. Thats ones great.

 

[TheIronRuler]

I have two -
1. "Black Mesa can kiss my bankrupt ...[ass]"
2. "Say Goodbye Caroline"
"Goodbye Caroline"

 

[Pedro The Hutt]

"I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons!"
I'm actually using that whole section as an audition monologue soon.

Good luck with that!

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

"Just a heads up, we're gonna have a super conductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test, I'll be honest with you, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do, probably nothing! Best case scenario, you might get some super powers. Worst case scenario, you might get some tumors, which we'll cut out."

That one, I can't quote other sayings accurately, but that's my favorite.

 

[MelasZepheos_v1legacy]

I haven't played Portal 2 yet (because of complete indifference towards the whole endeavour) but I will say this.

To everyone who hates the cake memes, the Companion Cube, the Still Alive song...

This is how they get started. If you don't want to encourage the production of more fucking memes based off another fucking Valve game that will in the next two years because the most fucking overquoted thing on the whole fucking internet...

Then don't do things like this. Talk about how the game is awesome, talk about characters and plots and settings, spoil the whole thing for everyone if you really want to, but don't encourage the overquoting of 'wacky' phrases.

 

[Grabbin Keelz]

"Cave Johnson here!"

You know your in for a treat when you hear those words.

 

[Casual Shinji]

I haven't played Portal 2 yet (because of complete indifference towards the whole endeavour) but I will say this.

To everyone who hates the cake memes, the Companion Cube, the Still Alive song...

This is how they get started. If you don't want to encourage the production of more fucking memes based off another fucking Valve game that will in the next two years because the most fucking overquoted thing on the whole fucking internet...

Then don't do things like this. Talk about how the game is awesome, talk about characters and plots and settings, spoil the whole thing for everyone if you really want to, but don't encourage the overquoting of 'wacky' phrases.

Atleast there's no cake this time.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

"All these science spheres are made of asbestos by the way, keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistant dry cough or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test, that's asbestos. Good news is the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show an immediate latency of 4.6 years, so if you're thirty or over you're laughing. Worst case scenario you miss out on a few rounds of Canasta, plus you've forewitted the cause of science by three centuries. I punched those numbers into my calculater, it makes a happy face."

 

[Daedalus1942]

Didn't have tumors before? Now you do!

"Now maybe you didn't have any tumours?" Well, if you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too"

"Just a heads up, that coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious, visualising the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.

-Tabs<3-

 

[Quinadin]

"Science isn't about why, it's about why not. You ask: Why is so much of our science dangerous? I say: Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you in the butt on the way out, because you are fired."

~ Cave Johnson

This but continued...

"Not you Test Subject, you're doing fine. You, yes you! Box. Your stuff. Door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye."

 

[Smertnik]

The one about the lemons. You know what I mean.