What is the funniest / most interesting thing that your teacher has said

[KiKiweaky]

Sex ed when I was 17 was hilarious in school, you know the difference between teachers who can and can't handle classes right? Well this man was the master.

He walks in, the class knows whats about to happen and we're rather excited at getting to watch him squirm while we take the piss.

He just says "I know now your expecting me to make a complete fool of myself for an hour and 20 minutes... so I have another idea."

We're a bit confused at this point.

He then goes on to say "As many words as the class can think of for male and female genitalia please" he places a pen on the table walks to the back of the class, turns and says "Starting with you Ryan"

The hilarity that ensued was immense =D

The same guy made us stand waving for 40 minutes in a class, as we had a free class the day before and decided waving at him from across the yard was going to be a good idea. Last man standing wouldnt get any punishment the rest got a shitload of lines to write, was epic hahaha.

 

[SkyeNeko]

He then moved to High School Physics. Between him and our chemistry teacher, we had no real need for any fire drills: one or the other would set the alarm off about once every other week.

THIS is epic. i want to go to this school.

 

[Ldude893]

One day, a bee flew into the open door of our classroom and math class was halted as everyone was trying to avoid it. The following words came out from my math teacher and are now immortalized in the 2007 school yearbook:

"Chill out guys, it's just a bee- YAAAH!"

 

[flim.geek.chic]

My Psych teacher in Highschool called me by my mom's name once.. apparently she taught her to.

Also my Physics teacher started the year off by calmly walking in to the room and hurling chalk across the class getting stuck in my friends Mohawk. She then Proclaimed "In the next few semesters I'm going to teach you to explain that Mathmatically."

 

[GenericAmerican]

All three of my science teachers were awesome.

My first one was aweseome because he had an insanely dark sense of humor; he would constantly show us things in the lab that could kill us.

The replacement for him was even more awesome because he didn't know anything about science. We were reviewing for a test one day and he does this. "And...well I have no idea how to pronounce that...so I am writing it out of the test."

The third teacher had to be the best. Class was full of sexual innuendo and doing nothing important.

"Now I know you guys don't like learning this stuff and truth be told I hate teaching it but...*long pause*...what the hell, class dismissed." Thirty minutes early.

"Alright the test has started...as you all know the answer key is on my desk and I will be gone for most of the class period. If anyone of you don't have atleast an A on the test I will smack you for being responsible." He knew we cheated.

"After you're done with your test, turn it over and draw me a picture. If you don't you can't pass."

He was also a football coach, "Anyone who can do more pushups than me gets a 100 quiz grade."

"Hey *insert student name* you have your laptop?"
"Yes."
"Anything interesting on it?"
"Uhh...I have all five seasons of the Office."
"Well I was hoping for something else but it'll have to do. Hook it up to the projector."

Girl of ill-repute walks in late and looks like shit. "What's wrong with you."
"uhh...food poisoning."
"That's bull, you're either hung over or you accidentally swallowed from the wrong guy...probably both."

English teacher once said this to a kid that was picking on a girl.

"You keep doing that and I am going to let her fist you."

The whole classroom erupted into laughter, and the teacher had no idea what was so funny.

Also on a day I wasn't there I heard she said something about one kid.
"Over there playing with his dildo."

She also didn't have a clue what that was; someone had to explain it.

 

[FoxyStig]

My math teacher was writing Postulates on the board:
ASA
SSS
SAS
ASS(class starts applauding)

then he said "it's a shame that the only time i ever get any applauding is when I write ASS on the board.

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

After a lecture regarding an old but well known experiment that determined how exactly cats managed to land on their feet (an experiment that involved abusing and mutilating cats) he concluded with "And thus it was demonstrated that Physicists hate cats".

 

[Griphphin]

"...So the kid thought he was hot shit. One phone call home later and he never said another peep in my class. Now, when doing quadratics..."
Off the top of my head, anyway. I had a lot of interesting teachers.

 

[TonyVonTonyus]

I HATE CHINESE PEOPLE!

My teacher yelled this out as an example for a discussion just as someone in our class walked into the room, oblivious to what we were talking about.

 

[Saulkar]

My religion teacher from grade 7 after a lengthy discussion with a kid about why god is named just god, told the class:

"Ok time to get back to those theological virgins"

Though not a teacher quote it is still funny a relevent funny from the same day.

Our science teacher announces we are to work on a new subject.

A student bolts up and asks: "Are we not still working on micro orgasms?"

 

[blankedboy]

I have fucking HEAPS of these, but I'll go with one from my 60-year-old Geography teacher because usually he's boring as fuck.

B: So when Taupo erupted, it was so big they saw it in China! They were all like *high-pitched voice* "OHHHH LOOKIT DAT"

Shut up, it was funny at the time.

 

[Scarecrow]

We were on a feild trip to the graveyard to learn about local history, and this one grave has witchcraft signs on it. It's called the witch's grave and nodody knows who is buried there.

So anyway, both me and my math teacher were staring at it and then this happend.

Teacher:'I wonder what they mean'.
Me: 'My aunt might know'
Teacher:'How's that?'
Me:'She's a white witch'
Teacher:'Gives me a look and walks away'

From that day he has always looked at me funny.

 

[AWDMANOUT]

This morning my band director was frantically trying to organize us for a pep rally, and he shouted out, "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!".

What a whiny *****. xD

 

[VanillaBean]

This morning my band director was frantically trying to organize us for a pep rally, and he shouted out, "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!".

What a whiny *****. xD

Sounds about right.

 

[Blemontea]

My shop teacher when we were making racist jokes said "I used to have black friends... till my dad sold them all."

 

[emeraldrafael]

Well, I officially heard the funniest thing ever from a teacher today.

He siad "class participation is such a deciding factor of your grade, if you dont show up, YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

Yes he said it in the way you are thinking right now.

 

[CharrHawk164]

My secondary school maths teacher/tutor once said "I am now going to show you my fluffy balls." when referring to an unusual whiteboard application involving weird fluffy creatures.

A secondary school RE teacher (who was an absolute legend) just suddenly started pretending he was Scottish and started dancing whilst lifting up a fake kilt and going "WOOOOO" in a high pitched voice.

Finally, my college History teacher came out with the funniest things. She told us she had pet sheep and once showed us pictures of them all and told us some of the names, including one called Chubaka. Linked to this she side tracked one lesson when she said she was attending a 'Sheep Show' that evening and rambled for an hour how much she didn't want to mingle with all the farmers dressed in tweed. When studying Henry VIII and his wives she used to say "bonk" when referring to consumations. With Anne of Cleves she said "She looked like a horse so he couldn't get it up to bonk her." She also made brilliant whiteboard slides to teach us about the Dutch Revolt and had a picture of a happy orange to represent William of Orange. Legend.

 

[Fusioncode9]

One of my teachers found a book which had Ms. Roberta is a stupid *****.
She said, "That is a lie, I'm not stupid."

 

[Sn1P3r M98]

Somehow in math we began talking about Russian nesting dolls (don't ask me how that got brought up), and my teacher made a comment on how they are "Ladies inside of ladies". Needless to say, the class erupted in laughter. I'm pretty sure she wasn't trying to make a joke, it did turn out fairly entertaining though.

 

[ChaoticKraus]

One time my philosophy teacher was talking about beauty and how it could be defined. After that we had to write the hottest celebrity we could think of on the board and he went on to evaluate their looks.

Kind of weird but very amusing.

Also, one time my history stops the lecture and asks me the following

Him: How many times were 50 Cent shot?

Me: err, 9 i think.

Him: Very well, *continues lectureÄ

Also one time when i was 15 we spent an entire lesson discussing why swearing in english was more acceptabke than in swedish with out teacher.