What is the worst way you've woken up?

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Fappy

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Jan 4, 2010
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One time while sick with a cold or something I woke up suffocating. My nose was stuffed and I had mucus built up in my throat. That was horrifying for a few seconds before I managed to cough the stuff up.

On a more hilarious note, one time my cat wanted to get out of my room in the early morning. To wake me up he climbed onto my bookshelf next to my bed and knocked a full glass of water off of the top shelf. The glass barely missed my head as a torrent of water hit me directly in the face. I flew out of bed in a blind rage, picked the fucker up by the scruff and tossed him down the hallway. He never did it again.
 

Olas

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Dec 24, 2011
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Whenever I'd wake up in agony from my kidney condition. It's kinda a long story.

When I was a little kid I used to have an [a href="http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000498.htm"]illness[/a] that caused my kidney to retain too much fluid and swell up easily. If I went too long without using the loo, like when you sleep, I'd wake up in the middle of the night with sever excruciating pains in my left side that would last for hours. It was the most painful thing I've ever felt. Luckily, after convincing my parents that it wasn't "just a stomach ache" I got it diagnosed and had surgery to fix it. Had I not had the surgery my kidney would eventually have exploded from the pressure it was under. Not deadly but it would've sucked.
After the surgery the pain went away. There was a (relatively small) downside to it though. My bladder wasn't used to having so much fluid pumped into it regularly so I wet the bed almost every night till I was 13. It was embarrassing as hell but still beat the crap out of having a kidney that felt like it was ready to explode.

So ya, fun times.
 

Whateveralot

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Oct 25, 2010
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Worst way?

With two arms paralyzed entirely. I wasn't able to feel or move them at all. I couldn't even get up straight away.

It took several minutes of tingling up to a lot of pain before my arms were functional again. Definately a low in waking up.
 

MrHide-Patten

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Jun 10, 2009
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I woke up with teh crsuty shit that you have aroudn your eyes after you wake up encasing my eye lashes. I was freakin the fuck out.
 

lRookiel

Lord of Infinite Grins
Jun 30, 2011
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On the floor of my bedroom when I'm pretty sure I went to sleep in my bed! My neck, leg and wrist hurt something fierce....

Or the day after my first night out, 6 hours of vomiting every 15-20 minutes sucks ass!
 

ramboondiea

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Oct 11, 2010
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woke up due to pain in my right arm, pain caused by a really hot radiator burning my arm, hurt like a *****, also turns out I was handcuffed to that radiator which was in and of itself rather unnerving as I had no recollection as to why I was handcuffed to a radiator in the first place
 

J Tyran

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Dec 15, 2011
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Waking up from a coma was something I would never want to experience again. I didn't know who I was, where I was or what the hell had happened, I had no coordination either I had to be fed and have drinks held up with straws and stuff. I couldn't recognize my family either.

It took about a week to get everything back together.
 

Vivi22

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Aug 22, 2010
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Shoggoth2588 said:
This happens semi-regularly (maybe once or thrice a year?) where I'll wake up due to intense cramping in my calve (generally the left one). Apparently this wouldn't happen if I ate bananas but bananas are disgusting so I guess I get to wake up to intense pain and, what I'm told is a grotesque looking bit of leg-musculature.
I've had a few rude awakenings and this was responsible for several when I was a teenager. Hasn't happened in years which I'm thankful for because the amount of pain when that happens is unbelievable. Pretty much every time I'd wake up as it was coming on, manage to get out of bed and then be on the floor before I made it to the door, usually writhing in pain until it subsided enough for me to massage the area and start trying to walk it off. The worst was when it happened several hours before it was time to get up, so I had to go back to sleep, then start trying to work it out all over again when I woke up.

Aside from that, two others come to mind. In my old room at my parents house I had a ledge running alongside my bed which our cats would occasionally get on to look out the window. Once woke up to one of them jumping off and landing square on my testicles. He just kind of stood there on the bed as I grabbed my junk and curled up in a ball.

Another time was in High School. I had my drum kit in my room, but due to space reasons the ride cymbal was awfully close to my bed. Through what I can only assume was a combination of its stand not being as stable as I thought and me hitting it somehow in my sleep it fell over and hit other stands before finally hitting the floor. There is absolutely nothing like the sound of a 20" ride cymbal falling over to scare the living shit out of anyone sleeping next to it.
 

Concept_7c1

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Sep 7, 2010
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Some time around oh-dark-stupid I was woken up by screams that sounded like they were outside my bedroom door. These were aggressive, loud and threatening screams.

After blinking away the fog of confusion from just being woken up, I realized that the screams were coming from the hallway outside of my apartment - from a tenant who is missing more'n a few marbles. Turns out someone had taken in her cats that she lets roam the building and she *just* discovered they were missing.

So that's fine, if incredibly annoying. I turned to go back to bed and heard a "clunk" and only then noticing that I was holding something heavy: My katana i keep by my bed... Seems I had woken up, drawn the sword and made it to the door before my brain registered anything else.

So... should be pretty safe for zombies yes?
 

emeraldrafael

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Jul 17, 2010
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Its a tie between someone breaking into my house (since my room was on the second floor) through my bedroom window With a gun (whether or not loaded I have no idea) pointed at me and waking up after staying at a friends house to see literally hundreds of hornets crawling on his walls, floor, ceiling, furniture, and worse, both of us.
 

Korolev

No Time Like the Present
Jul 4, 2008
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The worst way I've woken up is on Exam day, 1 hour before my university exam... and it takes me 1 hour to get to university.

Managed to get there only 9 minutes late, which was just good enough to avoid having to take a supplementary exam. That was a panic like I've never felt before.
 

twillman15

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Jun 6, 2010
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Probably when I was twelve I shared a bunk bed with my sister. I of course being the superior sibling had the revered top bunk. Anyways the top bunk had no guard rails so one night I rolled right off and smashed my head into the dresser and cracked my head open. Fun time
 

anthony87

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Aug 13, 2009
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My room is in the back of the house, the kids next door start every morning by waking up, crying and shouting at each other until the mother wakes up and starts screaming at the kids to shut up, at which point the kids go out to play on the trampoline or swing set in their back garden, turn on the radio that plays your generic pop/unce-unce shite very loudly then proceed to start arguing, shouting and crying again at some point.

Over and over.

All fucking day.

Every. Fucking. Day.

And this is what I want to do to them:
 

C.O.C

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Aug 5, 2009
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That's easy, under a bridge after a hard night of pretending to be a troll.
Was too hungover to get back to dorms but I did manage to move to the other side of the bridge away from the light and had another quick nap.
 

scorptatious

The Resident Team ICO Fanboy
May 14, 2009
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Jeez, this thread sort of put my bad wake ups into perspective.

Possibly the worst way I've ever woken up was to neck/back pains. Most likely because I slept in the wrong positions.
 

shadowkrai

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Jan 23, 2011
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I once woke myself up with a nosebleed, I was laying face up and managed to start choking on my own blood, I'm also a VERY squeamish person at times.

This was one of those times. (queue Dun DUN DUNNNNNNNNNN music)
 

Xangba

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Apr 6, 2005
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At Parris Island our kill hat came up next to me about ten minutes before lights, kneeled down (I was on bottom bunk) and said "Get your damn boots on, we're going to have some fun this morning." The reason? I made him look like an idiot the day before while adjusting my collar. He was screaming at me saying "DID SOMEONE FUCKING TELL YOU TO PLAY WITH YOUR UNIFORM!?" when in fact yes, the Senior Drill Instructor did indeed order me to fix my collar. I made sure to shout that one. He was not happy and warned me I would pay for that, and boy did I. So worth it though.