Scarim Coral said:
I simply lack the will power, determination and confidence. If I had more of those I would had carry on my 3D modelling work and I would of know how to draw manga style stuff.
If I had mental fortitude, determination, and confidence I'd probably be a lot further along in a lot of things in life. The problem is getting them off the ground and staying focused. If I actually completed 100% of my homework and studied for exams, I'd be getting much better grades for one.
I just find it difficult to focus, and when I try to focus on something that interests me, or I get in the mood to work on something like that, I don't because I feel guilt or I feel like I can't because there's other things that I need to do that are school related (and it's always school related. I hate high-school. So much. Almost solely because of homework.) and I wind up getting neither done. It sucks, and I can't do shit about it because of another mental block about doing things that aren't 100% free, for fairly obvious reasons, but nonetheless I won't say the full story. And if it is free then it comes back around to the school work necessity mental block.
I hate homework. I absolutely despise it. Projects are fine (or mostly fine, hopefully in college I'll find SOMEONE with punctuality who actually answers phone/e-mail), but individual non-project/paper assignments I loathe with a burning passion for the mental blocks they inflict upon me and the ultimate pointlessness of them. I want out of high school. I want out more than you can possibly know, but I can't. Not for another year and not before this severe difficulty with homework ruins my chances of any quality post-secondary education which in turn dooms me to retail.
Well, at least retail isn't completely awful.
Edit:
Oh dear, that came off as rather melodramatic. Yeesh. I mean, yeah the work ethic thing is a pain, but I'm getting better at it and because of my act scores alone I'm being offered silly good scholarships for some universities. Pretty crappy ones, but universities all the same.
Surprising how what is effectively 88% on a standardized test (8/9 of max score) is enough to impress people.
Also, I still maintain that retail is not completely awful. It could be a lot worse.
). Anyway, this tends to fuck up my dating plans, add a good amount of being afraid of rejection and you get me: utterly incapable of breaking the ice or start talking to/approach a girl for the first time. Though when I get comfortable with a person I open up and I have no problems, but that takes a long while, I'm only like that with good friends. At least people seem to see me as good looking so that helps with the whole "getting the babes" situation.
