What should I do? (girl problem)

[renegade7]

Ok so here's the story...I've been friends with this one girl since I was a little kid. A few months ago we started getting a lot closer then we were before. I started to realize that I liked her. I was too nervous to ask her out though, because I thought she would say no because we were just friends. Well I left school, it being summer now, and I realize that she'd been dropping all these hints that she wanted me to, and I feel like an idiot...Now to top it off, she just posted on Facebook last night that she's seeing someone...and it was almost painful to see...I guess I just realized that I really care about her, but I don't know what to do because she's already with someone. I know I'm not just feeling protective, she's been with other guys before and it didn't bother me much.

So I just don't know what to do...Should I try to win her over? If so how...or should I just give up and forget the whole thing and move on? The second bit there just seems really difficult to me...if it were anyone else I would already have moved on and started looking for someone else, but she's been like my best friend since I was 3, I can't just forget about her.

 

[samuraiweasel]

Short answer: Move on

Long answer: Do you know whether she still wants to have anything to do with you? Because if she doesn't, and you do try win her over all you will do is make a fool of yourself.
Basically what i'm saying is do some recon. Ask her friends about how she feels about you and this guy she is seeing. If its serious between them, move on. Its not a good idea to mess with other peoples relationships. If you are willing to risk it, you could ask her straight up how she feels about you.
From personal experience its better to get the truth straight from the start and be hurt for a bit than mope around and be hurt for a long time. Or if its good news then im happy for you.

good luck!

 

[artanis_neravar]

Ok so here's the story...I've been friends with this one girl since I was a little kid. A few months ago we started getting a lot closer then we were before. I started to realize that I liked her. I was too nervous to ask her out though, because I thought she would say no because we were just friends. Well I left school, it being summer now, and I realize that she'd been dropping all these hints that she wanted me to, and I feel like an idiot...Now to top it off, she just posted on Facebook last night that she's seeing someone...and it was almost painful to see...I guess I just realized that I really care about her, but I don't know what to do because she's already with someone. I know I'm not just feeling protective, she's been with other guys before and it didn't bother me much.

So I just don't know what to do...Should I try to win her over? If so how...or should I just give up and forget the whole thing and move on? The second bit there just seems really difficult to me...if it were anyone else I would already have moved on and started looking for someone else, but she's been like my best friend since I was 3, I can't just forget about her.

Do you know who she is seeing? is it serious?how long do her relationships normally last?

 

[renegade7]

We're still friends and we still hang out if that's what you mean. And the thing is...I did all that...her friend basically said that she wanted me to ask her, but I never did so she figured I wasn't interested...then she just went with this guy because he asked her first. As for serious I don't know...they've only been seeing each other for like a week apparently

 

[artanis_neravar]

We're still friends and we still hang out if that's what you mean. And the thing is...I did all that...her friend basically said that she wanted me to ask her, but I never did so she figured I wasn't interested...then she just went with this guy because he asked her first. As for serious I don't know...they've only been seeing each other for like a week apparently

Did you let her friend know that you like her(obviously not the friend but the girl the threads about)?

 

[renegade7]

No I never said that I liked her, I was too nervous, I guess that's why she lost interest...

Oh and I just heard back from her friend...no they're not serious (yet) her friend said that they've only gone on like 2 dates...I forgot to mention that she changes her relationship status on facebook as soon as she starts dating someone

 

[Mr Fixit]

take it from someone that has lost that person that you can't stop thinking about. tell her how you feel or you'll regret it. i know i do....

 

[artanis_neravar]

No I never said that I liked her, I was too nervous, I guess that's why she lost interest...

Oh and I just heard back from her friend...no they're not serious (yet) her friend said that they've only gone on like 2 dates...I forgot to mention that she changes her relationship status on facebook as soon as she starts dating someone

Then tell her how you feel, or at least tell her friend how you feel. She will know either way

 

[ZtH]

I agree with artanis. If they've only been seeing each other for a week and she liked you it's quite possible she still does. Let her know how you feel, but don't pressure her.

 

[TheLoneBeet]

Oops double posted.

 

[TheLoneBeet]

Tell her. You'll probably come out sounding like a third grade kid but it'll be worth it to have an answer. Even if she says no you'll feel better knowing you tried. Besides, for all you know she's with this guy just to make you jealous.

 

[LittleRedCircles]

This is tough because there's almost no way to deal with this without getting your heart broken a little.

I take it you guys are in high school? Teenage girls change their minds a lot. A LOT a lot. Alot, even. I must have been head-over-heels in love with four or five different dudes at once, until I started dating one of them, at which point the others got kicked to my mental curb.

One thing I'll tell you is, romantic comedies are not real life. It may seem as though the girl wants the guy-friend type to show up and romantically sweep her off her feet and whisk her away from the asshole boyfriend, but that's not usually the case. If she's seeing someone else, it's because she wants to be seeing that guy. It doesn't mean that, if she ever really liked you, she doesn't anymore. She probably still does. But she's just...dating this guy.

My advice is, be patient. Don't try to get in between this - it will imply that you think she's making a mistake, or that she has poor judgment, and that's not a good way to get the girl. Trust her that she's in the relationship she wants to be in right now, and trust that probably, it's not going to last forever. I've been married for almost eight years to one of the boys I loved in high school - but he wasn't the one I dated then. The other relationships he and I had prepared us for the utter seriousness and depth of the relationship we formed later.

Hang in there.

 

[cookyy2k]

My advice is, be patient. Don't try to get in between this {snip}

Hang in there.

I agree with this, I'd wait. No point starting rumors (by telling her friend) or telling her directly. Both ways could potentially annoy her that you waited til she was in a relationship til you said anything. The other problem I see here is if she has had feelings for you previously and dropped hints and never recieved anything she could be with this guy as a way of moving on, you coming and saying something now may seem to her like playing games and you really don't want to come off this way.

I'd wait it out and just be her friend for now, even if she starts having problems with this new guy and talks to you about it stay neutral. If she breaks up with him (it's highly likely as said before teenage girls are fairly fast at changing their mind over what they want) then when you think she' moved on from him then and only then tell her how you feel and see if she would like to go on a date with you (or just ask for the date and leave the how you feel bit til later on, it's much easier to do).

I was friends with a girl I really liked who was with a guy who was a complete dick and she would always come to me when they had problems or she needed to let off steam, I never said anything bad about the guy I was just there to listen. After about a year of this she left him and came right to talk to me, we had a conversation about how I never thought he was any good anyways I just didn't want to say so because it was her choice. The conversation carried on for ages until she revealed that it was through our long conversations (where I did very little other than listen) she felt close to me and developed feelings for me and that's why she left him and we got together right then. I'm about to marry the girl in this story and I couldn't be happier.

It does work and I understand the point of view of if you don't ask you wont know, but I don't think its fair to put that on her when she's just starting a relationship with someone. There must be a reason she's done this it could be because she likes him or because she wants a reaction from you, either way it's not a good idea to put excess pressure on her as she will probably be unhappy in the relationship from the general pressure (this is if she does have feelings for you) and inevitably an amount of this unhappynes will be attached to you, if not all out blame some subconscious negativity will occur.

I think it's best to ride it out, move on with your life and then if you do get the opportunity without all the complications go for it but don't complicate both your lives. Also in the process of getting on with your life you may meet someone amazing and fall in love in which case she lost out and you'd never have got this being hung up on this one woman. I know it's difficult to envisage being with anyone else and I've been in this situation but you just have to get on with life. Its not just what makes you happy... The first rule of dating its all about making her happy at any expence.

Listen intently to what she says, have deep conversations but don't talk negatively about her choices or dates and be there for her completly and I garuntee that if it doesn't work out with this guy she will be interested in you even if she wasn't before.

 

[artanis_neravar]

My advice is, be patient. Don't try to get in between this {snip}

Hang in there.

I agree with this, I'd wait. No point starting rumors (by telling her friend) or telling her directly.

I don't see how telling her or her friend(who I am sure already suspects that he like the first girl) would start rumors.

Also your example is the exception, more often then not this doesn't happen

 

[cookyy2k]

My advice is, be patient. Don't try to get in between this {snip}

Hang in there.

I agree with this, I'd wait. No point starting rumors (by telling her friend) or telling her directly.

I don't see how telling her or her friend(who I am sure already suspects that he like the first girl) would start rumors.

Also your example is the exception, more often then not this doesn't happen

I don't see how it wouldn't start a rumor... you tell her friend so her friend tells her, it's a rumor now, you're not telling her directly and her friend wont give the full message/picture so she wont be 100% certain of it. After all a rumor is "an unverified account or explanation of events circulating from person to person".

How many times have you thought someone might like you and you've hear a friend tell you they've told them they do, you're sceptical and because you're not talking dircetly to the person you can't respond so have to stew over it until you do get chance, which in many cases do nothing even though you're fairly certain because you're nervous. Them coming upto you however and telling you is obvious and you can be certain and the ice is already broken so a conversation can spawn.

Also my example is just that, it's where I'm coming from on this. I can't see my example working out anywhere near as well if I'd badmouthed the guy, told her directly I liked her while she was still with him or told one of her friends. It's the way that worked out best for me, which our life experiences are all we can really draw on when giving this sort of advice.

 

[artanis_neravar]

My advice is, be patient. Don't try to get in between this {snip}

Hang in there.

I agree with this, I'd wait. No point starting rumors (by telling her friend) or telling her directly.

I don't see how telling her or her friend(who I am sure already suspects that he like the first girl) would start rumors.

Also your example is the exception, more often then not this doesn't happen

I don't see how it wouldn't start a rumor... you tell her friend so her friend tells her, it's a rumor now, you're not telling her directly and her friend wont give the full message/picture so she wont be 100% certain of it. After all a rumor is "an unverified account or explanation of events circulating from person to person".

How many times have you thought someone might like you and you've hear a friend tell you they've told them they do, you're sceptical and because you're not talking dircetly to the person you can't respond so have to stew over it until you do get chance, which in many cases do nothing even though you're fairly certain because you're nervous. Them coming upto you however and telling you is obvious and you can be certain and the ice is already broken so a conversation can spawn.

Also my example is just that, it's where I'm coming from on this. I can't see my example working out anywhere near as well if I'd badmouthed the guy, told her directly I liked her while she was still with him or told one of her friends. It's the way that worked out best for me, which our life experiences are all we can really draw on when giving this sort of advice.

And it's not unverified if he is the one telling her, and that is a very liberal interpretation of person to person, generally it's not a rumor when it only passes through one person it is a message. Also, never I trust my friends to tell me the whole story and they always have. Anyone who wouldn't isn't a true friend.
"A fool learns from his mistakes, but a truly wise man learns from the mistakes of others"
Only a fool draws knowledge from their own experiences alone. You take your own experiences and you compare, contrast and combine them with the experiences of others.

Now I'm not saying that your suggestion won't work, I'm just saying that your situation is in the minority

 

[Vern5]

She's seeing this guy solely on the basis that he asked first? I mean, she must have had some other reason to agree seeing this guy but, unless he's also a lifetime crush, then I think you have a distinct advantage.

I'm going to be a maverick and tell you to man up, invite her out someplace nice on the pretense of friendship and confess everything you've told to all of us. Think about it. You have the advantage here. She wanted you to ask her out. She's already there waiting for you to come aboard.

Living with regret sucks. Anyone who has these kinds of regrets can tell you that much. So take a risk. Hell, love and happiness are both risks that we all take in life so asking her to ditch this guy and be with you is a tiny water droplet in the roaring river that makes up all of the risks you will ever take in this life.

In all honesty, you'll just end up kicking yourself for not even attempting this. You'll just keep wondering what could have been and nobody needs that plaguing them. Don't be nervous and don't be shy. You've got this. And if things don't work out, then at least you'll know.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Move on. Pursuing her would probably just ruin what you've had for all these years.

 

[LittleRedCircles]

My advice is, be patient. Don't try to get in between this {snip}

Hang in there.

I agree with this, I'd wait. No point starting rumors (by telling her friend) or telling her directly.

I don't see how telling her or her friend(who I am sure already suspects that he like the first girl) would start rumors.

Also your example is the exception, more often then not this doesn't happen

I don't see how it wouldn't start a rumor... you tell her friend so her friend tells her, it's a rumor now, you're not telling her directly and her friend wont give the full message/picture so she wont be 100% certain of it. After all a rumor is "an unverified account or explanation of events circulating from person to person".

How many times have you thought someone might like you and you've hear a friend tell you they've told them they do, you're sceptical and because you're not talking dircetly to the person you can't respond so have to stew over it until you do get chance, which in many cases do nothing even though you're fairly certain because you're nervous. Them coming upto you however and telling you is obvious and you can be certain and the ice is already broken so a conversation can spawn.

Also my example is just that, it's where I'm coming from on this. I can't see my example working out anywhere near as well if I'd badmouthed the guy, told her directly I liked her while she was still with him or told one of her friends. It's the way that worked out best for me, which our life experiences are all we can really draw on when giving this sort of advice.

And it's not unverified if he is the one telling her, and that is a very liberal interpretation of person to person, generally it's not a rumor when it only passes through one person it is a message. Also, never I trust my friends to tell me the whole story and they always have. Anyone who wouldn't isn't a true friend.
"A fool learns from his mistakes, but a truly wise man learns from the mistakes of others"
Only a fool draws knowledge from their own experiences alone. You take your own experiences and you compare, contrast and combine them with the experiences of others.

Now I'm not saying that your suggestion won't work, I'm just saying that your situation is in the minority

In my experience, getting other people involved in your romantic pursuits is a bad idea. It puts the go-between in a bad position, and also gives her full leave to alter the story as she sees fit, which she could very well do. The definition of rumor is irrelevant here - conceptually though, it's like a game of telephone. Don't trust anybody to convey your feelings for you when you could just as easily do it yourself.

My original advice still stands though, I think - and cookyy2k hit the nail right on the head: no game playing plz.

 

[Wyatt118]

Don't waste your bloody time.