What should I do?

[acewolf1569]

Alright, so I'm in a bit of a situation. I broke up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years about 2 months ago. The reason we broke up was basically because I lost the ability to open up to her. That's not really my issue though. I recently started seeing a girl who I'm pretty interested in. We'll call her "Jane". We're not dating exactly yet, but we're definitely...we have something.
My problem lies with the fact that she doesn't want to have sex, or do anything sexual until marriage. I really like this girl, but I don't see myself getting married anytime soon and I'm not trying to change her views on sex.
I'm not used to the whole "no sex" thing. My past relationship I got all that I needed and more and I'm a pretty sexual guy. I don't need it constantly, but I need something.
There's another girl I know who is interested in some mutual...uh...activities. Would it be wrong of me to join this girl in those activities since I'm not currently dating "Jane"?
EDIT: I also wouldn't be telling "Jane" that I was with someone else.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

Would it be wrong?

Before edit - Yes.

After edit - Hell yes.

If sex is that important to you that you'd consider cheating on the girl who you seem to at least have some feelings for then you might want to either talk honestly to said girl about it or break it off entirely.

Seriously though? You wanted somebody to give you validation to cheat in a relationship?

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

If you're with the other girl because you want sex, you can't be with Jane. You can't have your cake and eat it to.

If you care so much for Jane, then you'd respect her wishes, which means holding off on sleeping with her without cheating on her. If you can't do that then be exclusive with the other girl. Cheating is bad and even if it's not cheating in your mind it might very well be in hers. You'll get yourself into a lot of trouble if you go down that path.

 

[acewolf1569]

Alright, thanks for the replies. I just wanted to get your opinions. So, thanks! And I will be taking your advice. It was stupid of me to not consider her feelings.

 

[Legion]

You say you aren't dating, but if it were that black and white, then you wouldn't need to ask if it's okay to have sex with anybody else. So clearly there is something more than just friendship.

If you are in a relationship that is supposed to be exclusive, then you know it is wrong, or else you wouldn't feel the need to keep having sex with somebody else a secret.

From the sounds of it, you both seem to have somewhat different ideas of "where you are" in relation to one another. So what you need to do is establish what kind of relationship you have. If you are just friends, then your sex life is your business, if you are "together" then you should either respect her beliefs or do her a kindness and allow her to find somebody who will.

Or you could talk to her, explain that you like her, but are not willing to live your life without sex until marriage, and see what she says. If she is adamant about it, then you should do the right thing and let her know that you cannot be in a relationship like that.

 

[acewolf1569]

You say you aren't dating, but if it were that black and white, then you wouldn't need to ask if it's okay to have sex with anybody else. So clearly there is something more than just friendship.

If you are in a relationship that is supposed to be exclusive, then you know it is wrong, or else you wouldn't feel the need to keep having sex with somebody else a secret.

From the sounds of it, you both seem to have somewhat different ideas of "where you are" in relation to one another. So what you need to do is establish what kind of relationship you have. If you are just friends, then your sex life is your business, if you are "together" then you should either respect her beliefs or do her a kindness and allow her to find somebody who will.

Or you could talk to her, explain that you like her, but are not willing to live your life without sex until marriage, and see what she says. If she is adamant about it, then you should do the right thing and let her know that you cannot be in a relationship like that.

I probably should try and figure out where we are huh? I know that she cares for me a lot more than I do for her. Not that I don't care at all or anything. Thanks for the advice!

 

[Vegosiux]

*sigh* Alright, how to put this with a level of cynicism as low as possible. One, if you have to ask, then yes, you're in the wrong. Two, think about what you want, not what your penis wants. Three, ultimately do what you want, but bear in mind that the consequences of what you do are on your shoulders. Four, please don't say "we're not exactly dating" in order to rationalize something you yourself don't think is right, you'll just make it more complicated for yourself.

In the end, you need to decide what you want, and accept the fact that no matter what you decide, you'll need to cut some losses somewhere. You're in the time of your life, I assume, where the most important thing to learn is that in order to get something, you might have to give up something else.

Also, if you can't spit out "sex" and have to say it as "mutual...uh...activities", I'm not entirely sure you should be having sex in the first place, but that's just me being a cranky ol' cynic who hates gratuitous innuendo, the "If you know what I mean" meme and generally anything that doesn't put things straight and clear, so you might want to take this part with a shovelful of salt...

 

[teisjm]

Be honest.
Cheating is not about some universal rule regarding when and how it's cheating and when it's not.
it's about making other people sad through your actions, so it really comes down to whether Jane would feel cheated on.

If you think Jane'd be fine with you taking care of your sexual needs elsewhere, you should have no problem asking her.
If you think she'd be against it, you should tell her anyways, and let her be the judge of whether she'd want to continue seeing you or not.

The only situation where you could avoid telling her with a clean conscience would be if you decided not to sleep with the other girl.

Personally, if i was seeing a girl who didn't want sex for one reason or the other, unless it was due to some tracig stuff, i'd talk to her about it, and say that if she wanted monopoly on my sex life she'd have to put out, and if she didn't want that, but wouldn't want me having sex with others either, we would probably not be seeing each other anymore, at least not as a couple or dating.
Sex is an important part of relationships in my world, and as long as you're honest about it, i don't find it unfair or douchy to discuss your unsatisfaction with a situation like yours with Jane.