What should I tell my friend?

[Professor James]

For easier communication, we'll call my friend jack and his girlfriend Susan. My friend Jack (and I really mean my friend, not me, I would just come out and say it's me if that was the case) has a girlfriend who snuck out for a sleepover with her bad-influence best friend. as you may guess, at the sleepover there was vodka and weed (They're all 15 by the way) and Susan was peer-pressured to joining in.

Jack is afraid of the path Susan is going to down and asks me for advice on the situation. I told him to have a serious talk in the morning but he wants some help in case that doesn't work out. So Escapist what should I tell my friend so he can get her off this path without harming his relationship?

 

[BARQ]

First off, 15 year olds doing anything approaching illegal is never going to be cool. Not sure what kind of girl Susan is, but you said she was peer pressured into participating in such shoddy business, so as least it isn't as bad as it could be. Is it a first time offence? The biggest problem you need to address is Susan's shitty 'best friend'- these kids are a dime a dozen juveniles resorting to cheap thrills to either pose as badasses or get away from their terrible life problems like parents and tumblr updates.

Jack need to show Susan that these are not the people she needs to associate with- you're all pretty young, you don't need to keep up friendships with bad company. There will always be opportunities to make new friends and socialise with better people, no matter how large or small your town may be. This will be far more enriching and beneficial long term for Susan than fearing any so called friend at this moment might not like her on the basis of weed and alcohol. If Jack can't appeal to her morals then he should point out just how incredibly BAD this stuff is, especially during this age period. Tell her about brain damage. Seriously. Play that card, because it's a real possibility.
Anyone can google the adverse effects of weed on an adolescent brain, and it can be detrimental to a person's future. We're talking serious emotional and cognitive problems. And alcohol? Yeah that's gonna screw you over in the long term, too. Show her as well as tell her what these things can do. Sometimes fear is a great persuasive tool.

Finally, tell Jack he's doing the right thing by her. The dating scene at your age is pretty crazy, I sure as hell don't want to be back there again- but Susan has a guy who legitimately cares for her well being, and that's a beautiful and rare thing to come by. If Jack is just as important to her, then hopefully Susan should at least take his concerns into account, because if this keeps happening then it will keep affecting the both of them. Ultimately, Susan is going to be worse off in the longer run.

Ideally Jack needs to find a time, sooner than later, to to tell her how he feels. He need to be calm, and not get upset, even if Susan starts to. Hoping this all gets worked out soon.
Best of luck to all of you!

 

[OneCatch]

I think your friend might be overreacting. If it's the first time she's done it then it's something of an extrapolation to say that she's going down a bad path. Lots of people experiment and do the odd bad thing at that age, and having some vodka at 15 doesn't mean she's going to become an alcoholic.

I don't think lecturing her on the evils of weed and alcohol will have the desired effect, partly because I think no matter how nicely it's done it will just come across like that, and nobody likes being lectured (least of all by peers).

This. I thought it was pretty normal to be experimenting the alcohol and (maybe) soft drugs at that kind of age - I'm probably pretty unusual among my peers for having never done drugs. And I'm by no means from a particularly rough area.

Anyway, it's certainly not 'going down a bad path', especially if this is the first time it's happened.

That said, he can always place himself as something of a moderating influence - getting drunk's not necessarily a bad thing, getting really drunk with people you don't know probably is. Weed every now and again is probably harmless, moving on to harder stuff or doing it every night might not be.
But he can't legitimately get preachy or holier-than-thou, especially if he doesn't really know anything about drugs or drink himself.

 

[Batou667]

If I was Jack I'd be mostly annoyed by the fact that I wasn't invited to the party!

Experimenting with a bit of drink and a joint really isn't the end of the world, there are plenty of worse things Susan could be doing at that age. The best thing Jack could do is to be up-front about his feelings on the subject and if that causes a rift between them, so be it. People grow up, they change, it's natural.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I agree that this seems to be an overreaction. I didn't check where you're from, but here in the UK it's not uncommon for people to start drinking at 15. Hell, me and my friends did, pretty heavily, it's no big deal. My friends might not be the best example, but pretty much everyone who was in my year at school did too, and most of them turned out well. Honestly, it was going to happen some time or another, most people try weed at some point.

Right now, don't worry about it- you'll just cause an argument. If things get out of hand, well, then I think it's time to start worrying.

 

[Professor James]

If this was a one time thing, I probably wouldn't make a thread about it. The thing is Jack is afraid of it not being a one time thing considering Susan's friend hang around real shady people and her friend is kind of a big delinquent herself.

 

[OneCatch]

If this was a one time thing, I probably wouldn't make a thread about it. The thing is Jack is afraid of it not being a one time thing considering Susan's friend hang around real shady people and her friend is kind of a big delinquent herself.

To what degree are we talking delinquent and shady?

Are we talking "sometimes gets drunk and stoned as per OP", or are we talking "breaks into abandoned buildings for impromptu parties and maybe sells a bit of weed to friends", or are we talking "deals various drugs regularly, run-ins with police, violence, and DUI's"?

Some of the crap I got up to when I was that age was stupid, and is kind of embarrassing in hindsight, but it never actually really harmed anyone. The scale is quite a long one, and at that age a tiny bit of delinquency can be fun!

Seriously though, I can appreciate the concern, but if your friend hasn't experienced any of that stuff (not necessarily partaking himself, but at least knowing and perhaps hanging out with people that have) then it probably seems a lot worse than it actually is just because it's kind of alien to him.

Also, not wanting to derail this into a 'is weed harmful or not?' debate, but the evidence is pretty scant both ways.
If there is a causative link between weed and psychosis then it's a lot more mild than, for example, the links between smoking and cancer or alcohol and liver disease (and more mild than other causes of psychosis for that matter).
And what's undeniable even by the most ardent anti-drug people is that it's basically impossible to OD on weed, and that it's less addictive than other drugs.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

But so far, it is a onetime thing. Let it be until it becomes a problem, if I remember anything (and I probably should, I still just about am one) about teenagers it's that if you tell them not to do something they'll want to do it more. If everyone tells her this is an awful thing she'll tell you all to take a hike and go do it.

If this was a one time thing, I probably wouldn't make a thread about it. The thing is Jack is afraid of it not being a one time thing considering Susan's friend hang around real shady people and her friend is kind of a big delinquent herself.

To what degree are we talking delinquent and shady?

Are we talking "sometimes gets drunk and stoned as per OP", or are we talking "breaks into abandoned buildings for impromptu parties and maybe sells a bit of weed to friends", or are we talking "deals various drugs regularly, run-ins with police, violence, and DUI's"?

Also, this a pretty important question. Stoners aren't usually too bad, if they're dealing crack or something then your worries are pretty well-founded.

 

[Professor James]

Okay, jack and Susan talked it out and everything's fine now, or at least I hope.