Memories of my ex have been haunting me lately.
Need to get this shit off my chest, so might as well dump it here.
Broke up with her around June because her attitude got to the point where I just couldn't stand it anymore. I had been fine for a few months, but then met up again around September. Talked for a few days and admitted I still had feelings for her. She kept dropping hints that she still loved me over the course of the next week, and eventually admitted she loved me.
Next day she says she loves someone else, a fucking player who doesn't give a shit about the women he "dates". Turns out that this dude used to be one of my best friends in the past. Needless to say, psychotic side of my mind breaks free and I literally go batshit insane for the next week or two. A loooot of suicidal and homicidal urges for a bit. Just wanted to cut the whore's heart out with a dull, rusty knife and fucking butcher it like she did mine.
I got over it for about a month, then the last week of December rolls around and I start to have dreams of her. It's gotten progressively worse. At first it was just past memories, something I could shrug off, but now the dreams are really, REALLY getting to me. Full blown dreams of what I wanted our lives to be like, what could have been mixed with what she did to me.
It just drives me nuts. I haven't had a good nights sleep for a while now and it's starting to show. I'm tired, irritable and my bipolar disorder is just straight fucking with me. I'm popping off at people for small, insignificant issues and hurting the ones I love.
No matter how much I try, her face is stuck in my mind and I am REALLY sick of feeling like this. This ***** is a fucking infection I just can't seem get rid of. A persistent fucking tumor on my heart that, when I think I've finally gotten rid of it, comes back and proceeds to fuck with me even more time and time again.
I feel a bit better now that I've got that load of crap off my chest, but Thor knows she's just going to pile it back on in a few hours.