Take a seat, my lad. Let me tell you of the time that I tried to buy Spore from EA...
Day 1: Hope
I watched a funny Let's Play of Spore, that was so entertaining I felt like giving the game another shot. I no longer had my disc, and I don't pirate, so I went online to purchase. My first stop was Steam, as I had an account, and I have found the process of buying games quick, easy and convenient. Naturally, as the game is published by EA it was nowhere to be found. A quick Google search showed that the only way to buy the game was to register with Origin. Fair enough. The registration process was relatively painless, and before I knew it I had ordered my copy of Spore.
But hang on...something wasn't quite right. The game wasn't downloading...or even showing up in my Origin client.
Normally, when you order a game from Origin, they supposedly email you a code in the purchase receipt, which you then have to input on the website, so they can approve your download. And they didn't send me a code. In their automated purchase receipt. It was Sunday lunchtime, and their Customer Service agents don't work on Sundays.
So I waited.
Day 2: Disappointment
I called Customer Services on Monday lunchtime while I was on a break. After 30 minutes on hold I speak to a sullen Northern Irish guy who tells me that I need to check my email again, because the code is sent with every email. When I politely insist that he at least checks my account, he harrumphs, and says that something went wrong with my purchase.
Staggered by his insight, I go on to ask, if it's not too much trouble, if he could let me download the game I ordered for digital download 24 hours ago. He said no.
I asked again. He said no again.
Apparently, the only way an issue like this can be resolved, is by submitting a ticket through a form on the EA website, and a Customer Service agent will respond within 72 hours. At this point I made it known that if my issue was not resolved, I would be requesting a refund (which they are obliged to provide to people who live in the EU).
So I submitted my ticket. And I waited.
Day 3: And waited...
Day 4: And waited some more...
Day 5: Tension
Still nothing. No response within 72 hours. Well, guess I'll give them one more call, and if they can't sort it out there and then, I will send for my refund.
So, after 40 minutes on hold this time, I get through to another Call Centre agent in Northern Ireland. This chap is far more personal, if a little over-friendly. He insists on using my first name in every sentence, which leaves me feeling slightly violated.
After explaining all my issues to him, he looks at my Origin account. He identifies the problem, and generates a download code for me, which appears instantly.
...
I take a deep breath, and CALMLY AND POLITELY ask why his dunderheaded colleague was so unfamiliar with the operation of a mouse. By way of an apology, he offers me a copy of Darkspore for free, as it's "Basically the same game as Spore." I accept the free game and start my download running that evening, ready to run tomorrow.
Day 6: Despair, then resolution
My download finished overnight, and the following evening, I settled down for a evening of Spore. So I fired up Origin, and went to My Games.
The download had completed, but I wasn't out of the woods yet. Oh no.
"Enter Registration Code"
I tried the download code they sent me. It didn't work. I scoured the emails they sent me. No other codes.
I clenched my teeth and picked up the phone.
After a positively brisk 20 minutes on hold, and another long chat with a chap from Northern Ireland, I was told, "We don't deal with those issues here. I'll need to put you on hold."
10 more minutes on hold. I began to eat random items off my desk, in a bid to keep my strength up. Receipts, coins, whatever I could find.
I was then joined on the line by a very confused Crystal from Minnesota. Apparently our Gaelic friend had transferred me to the American EA. However, after a dozen or more probing questions about my gaming habits, the weather in England and what I had for dinner that day, she was able to resolve my issue. Some kind of "Permission Issue" that she managed to sort my end. I had Spore, and was able to play.
And I didn't. And I won't. Why?
BECAUSE IT TOOK ME A GOD DAMN WEEK TO ORDER A GAME BY DIGITAL DOWNLOAD. STANDARD BUSINESS POST TAKES LESS TIME AND COSTS LESS THAN TWO HOURS OF CALLS TO PREMIUM RATE NUMBERS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.
I'll be damned if I'm going to let me playing Spore give any indication to EA's metrics that I enjoy using their services. I don't. It was one long headache, made longer by under-trained and badly motivated staff, circuitous customer journeys for no reason, over-zealous and poorly-designed registration procedures and inept programmers failing to automate the process correctly in the first place.
I deleted Origin, and will never download it again. I will also do my best to get people who feel the same way, to delete their accounts, and warn any who might think of purchasing a game on Origin.
Seriously, don't bother. I had a crap experience, and you will too.