What's the deal with airline food?

[Sassafrass]

Isn't a bacon sandwich wonderful?
It's basically bread giving a dead pig a cuddle.

 

[Gebi10000]

There is to much Lettuce on my BLT . that is to say there is some.

sorry not to good with one liners

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

Man walks into bar
Man gets drunk
Man leaves
Man walks into road
Man doesn't see car
Man gets hit
Man dies
Man who hit other man is upset at killing other man
Man visits funeral
Man dwells
Man becomes massively depressed
Man wishes to get drunk and forget
Man walks into bar

Best I could think of.

 

[A Weary Exile]

Is a hipapotamus a hipapotamus, or a really cool potamus? - Mitch Hedberg

I am saved by the buoyancy of citrus!

Fettuccine Alfredo is Macaroni and Cheese for adults.

There are 6 ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!

I ate a bag of Texas Grill Fritos, these fritos had grill marks. Hell yeah! Reminds me of summer, when we'd light up the Barbecue and throw on some fritos. I can still see my dad with that apron on. 'Better flip that frito Dad. You know how I like it.'

Would you like a frozen banana? No, but I would like a regular banana later so, yes.

That reminds me. I don't know this one by heart, so I'll probably mangle it, but:

I love Baked Potatoes, but they take so long to make, so when I get home, even if I'm not hungry, I throw a potato in the oven, just in case I want one later.

I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool, it was 30 seconds long. You know why? Because that's the maximum amount of time you can depict yourself having fun in an above-ground pool....I can't even drown my kneecaps!

I'm getting in on this action:

An escaltor can't break, they can only become stairs. Sorry for the convinience.

And a blond joke for ya'

Spoiler

Three women are being chased by the police a brunette, a red head, and a blond. They flee to a barn and find a cat suit, a dog suit, and a potato sack lying on the ground, which they deicide to use as disguises. The brunette takes the cat suit, the red head takes the dog suit, and the blond takes the potato sack then the police arrive.

The sherrif walks over to the cat suit and kicks it with his foot, he hears a "Meow!". He goes over to the dog suit and kicks it with his foot, he hears a "Woof!". He goes over to the potato sack and kicks it with his foot and hears "Potato!". The blond is arrested.

 

[Smagmuck_]

Is a hipapotamus a hipapotamus, or a really cool potamus? - Mitch Hedberg

I am saved by the buoyancy of citrus!

Fettuccine Alfredo is Macaroni and Cheese for adults.

There are 6 ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!

I ate a bag of Texas Grill Fritos, these fritos had grill marks. Hell yeah! Reminds me of summer, when we'd light up the Barbecue and throw on some fritos. I can still see my dad with that apron on. 'Better flip that frito Dad. You know how I like it.'

Would you like a frozen banana? No, but I would like a regular banana later so, yes.

That reminds me. I don't know this one by heart, so I'll probably mangle it, but:

I love Baked Potatoes, but they take so long to make, so when I get home, even if I'm not hungry, I throw a potato in the oven, just in case I want one later.

I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool, it was 30 seconds long. You know why? Because that's the maximum amount of time you can depict yourself having fun in an above-ground pool....I can't even drown my kneecaps!

I'm getting in on this action:

An escaltor can't break, they can only become stairs. Sorry for the convinience.

And a blond joke for ya'

Spoiler

Three women are being chased by the police a brunette, a red head, and a blond. They flee to a barn and find a cat suit, a dog suit, and a potato sack lying on the ground, which they deicide to use as disguises. The brunette takes the cat suit, the red head takes the dog suit, and the blond takes the potato sack then the police arrive.

The sherrif walks over to the cat suit and kicks it with his foot, he hears a "Meow!". He goes over to the dog suit and kicks it with his foot, he hears a "Woof!". He goes over to the potato sack and kicks it with his foot and hears "Potato!". The blond is arrested.

Ha! that's the best one!

 

[Spaghetti]

Here's a quicky (you might need to read it out loud)

What's a Shitzu?

Spoiler

A Zoo with no animals!

 

[Pimppeter2]

You know why people like to hang out with Mushroom

Because he's actually a Fun-gi

 

[kazuki landen]

Who're the coolest people in the hospital?
The ultra-sound guys.
Who're the coolest people in the hospital when the ultra-sound guys aren't there?
The hip replacement guys.

This made me laugh for a distressingly long time. I was hopped up on red bull at the time, but I still find it funny now.

 

[T5seconds]

So these blonds are driving down the street and they look into a dry pasture and see a blonde rowing a boat and one blond say "You know its blonds like that that give us a bad name"

To which the other blond replies "I know and if I could swim I would go teach her a lesson..."

 

[Sneaklemming]

two fish in a tank,
one says to the other:

Spoiler

you know how to drive this thing?

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Spoiler

fish

 

[Zedzero]

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Take out the pin and throw it back.

 

[GodofDisaster]

Did you hear the joke about the pencil?

Spoiler

You wouldn't get the point.

Did you hear the joke about butter?

Spoiler

You would only spread it.