What's the deal with men/women?

[Kennah]

I had a very interesting conversation a couple of days ago and I would like to get the honest opinion of people here. Please note that I am not trying to troll or anything like that. I just want honest answers.

So my friend came over to visit, as he had nothing better to do and neither did I, but I could tell that something was wrong with him as his voice was very sullen and weak. When he came over his demeanor matched that of his tone over the phone. I tried to ask him what was wrong, but he refused to talk about it, so I let it go. We got to playing a little Marvel vs Capcom 3, at which I was a little proud because I was actually beating him for once thanks to all of the practicing I had done, and as we were playing his attitude seemed to brighten...and that's when it all began.

About 10-15 matches had passed when my friend turned to me and with a very stern look on his face asked me this question. "What's the deal with women?" Dumbfounded, I turned to him. After about a solid 30 seconds of confused staring the only thing I could think to respond with was a profound "I don't know..." to which he replied "Why not?" I just shrugged my shoulders after that. There was an very awkward silence for a long time before we started talking again. He started to tell me how he had just broken up with his girlfriend (which I thought was great since she was nothing more than a gold-digger and a manipulator). Now my friend has been in a great deal of breakups in the past. He's just never had any real luck with women, unfortunately.

With every relationship there has been one constant theme. They've all broken up with him, not the other way around, which I could never understand as he was a nice guy, but all of the women who have broken up with him were so cold with it that it had turned him rather bitter. He kept asking me why women could break up so much easier than men, why they can be so secretive, why couldn't they just tell men what they want rather than speaking in roundabout terms, and a bunch of other stuff that, frankly, made me feel a tad bit uncomfortable. I did as much as I could to correct him, but he just would not hear it.

After the day was over I started reflecting back on my own life, thinking of all of those I have come to date. I guess my "cuteness" makes things easier...well, that and a few other things. Let's just say I have very, very, very good family genes...

I guess I'd like to ask something along the same lines, as I too have had my fair share of offhanded partners. What is the deal with men/women when it comes to relationships? Is it possible to avoid awkward and unsettling breakups, or any such similar situation? At my age, 22, I guess you form your own opinion, but I'd like to know yours. Normally I'd never ask such a question, but I'm bored and have nothing to do. Plus, seeing that I am new to the site, I thought it might give me a chance to get more involved with the people here. You know, break the ice and whatnot.

Genuine responses would greatly be appreciated.

 

[aba1]

The tricky part about a break up is you generally don't want to offend the person and in the process you never really tell them about what they did wrong as to avoid offending them on top of dumping them. I suspect that is where the issue comes in. Your friend likely keeps pushing the women away in similar ways but none of the want to be the cold ***** who attacks the guy while he is down so he will learn for next time.

Realistically your friend needs to stop and analyze himself and consider what he might be doing rather than think about the girl. Small things can add up as well things you might like about yourself others might not appreciate.

 

[krazykidd]

The tricky part about a break up is you generally don't want to offend the person and in the process you never really tell them about what they did wrong as to avoid offending them on top of dumping them. I suspect that is where the issue comes in. Your friend likely keeps pushing the women away in similar ways but none of the want to be the cold ***** who attacks the guy while he is down so he will learn for next time.

Realistically your friend needs to stop and analyze himself and consider what he might be doing rather than think about the girl. Small things can add up as well things you might like about yourself others might not appreciate.

Pretty much this . Just tell him one day he'll find the girl that will accept him for who his is faults and all ... Or he will be rich and be able to get all the girls he want ... At a cost .

Win/win

 

[Thaluikhain]

I guess I'd like to ask something along the same lines, as I too have had my fair share of offhanded partners. What is the deal with men/women when it comes to relationships? Is it possible to avoid awkward and unsettling breakups, or any such similar situation? At my age, 22, I guess you form your own opinion, but I'd like to know yours. Normally I'd never ask such a question, but I'm bored and have nothing to do. Plus, seeing that I am new to the site, I thought it might give me a chance to get more involved with the people here. You know, break the ice and whatnot.

Yeah, traditionally gaming forums aren't exactly the best places to look for insightful comments about relationships.

But, yeah, breakups are always going to be a bit awkward. Even assuming the person doesn't try and fail to break things gently by being roundabout, in order to avoid hurting their feelings/being murdered, there's not going to be a great way of doing it.

Added to that, people who've been broken up with aren't always going to want to listen to the truth, they want to be told they are awesome, and so and so is terrible for daring to break up with someone as awesome as they are.

 

[Phasmal]

First of all, you cant know someone's relationship from the inside. It's perfectly possible your friend is a great friend but a shitty boyfriend (I had to go through this with my ex `But he was such a nice guy!`. He really wasn't). Obviously, I don't know your friend, but I'm just saying it's possible that the blame was not all the lady's.

As for breaking up, it's hard to say.
Once someone has gotten to the point where they want to break up it's really too late.
I think the best you can do is wonder where things went wrong after the fact and try and do better next time.
Breakups are usually always nasty. I mean, you do get people who just drift apart and split up peacefully, but it's rare.
Being dumped is no fun.
Dumping someone is no fun either.

 

[Imthatguy]

They're women.

By that I mean they're bloodthirsty mindreading mutant ninja psychopaths from Venus who prefer to make passive aggressive attacks to being out and out hostile that bleed for 3 days and don't die and finally have possession of the most desirable commodity on Earth.

Hmm... all in all they're not that bad.

 

[Kennah]

That does make a lot of sense, but I felt incredibly ashamed that I could not answer him properly. He has been doing a lot better since then, which is good, but he is still on the fence about entering another relationship, which is also good in my opinion.

Personally, I think he might just have a bad taste in women. All of the women he dates are beautiful, but their personalities sometimes are more jagged than a bed of nails!

 

[Thunderous Cacophony]

I think that it is pretty much impossible to avoid messiness in a breakup; both people have invested time, money and energy (to varying degrees) into the relationship, often long after they should have stopped, and it hurts them to watch their investment crumble.

That said, I do think there is a difference in the way men and women approach a breakup, which I will illustrate with the following anecdote about my friend "Joe":

I have known Joe since middle school, and in the decade since he has NEVER been without a girlfriend for longer than 6 months. He's a nice guy, good-looking, funny, outgoing, all that jazz, so meeting girls isn't the problem. He is also really good at building and maintaining relationships: the average time for each relationship was a 2-3 years (remember, we're talking about teenagers here). Every relationship went well until it didn't, if you get what I mean; they would try and put it back together, but it rarely worked.

Now, when it was clear to them (long after it was clear to everyone else) that the relationship was over, after the breakup period Joe and each ex would take two different paths. She would often try and mend a couple fences; sharing social groups and geography meant that they were bound to interact in some way. Joe, on the other hand, took (and takes) a salt-the-earth approach-he'd cut as many ties as possible, avoid spending time with the girl or any of the mutual friends she brought to the relationship, regularly bemoan the time wasted on that *****/whore/etc., and move on to another relationship to repeat the pattern.

That convoluted story is my way of saying that, after the breakup period where everyone is still angry, hurt, and adjusting to their new lives, girls tend to try and salvage some form of return on their investment, even if it's just a reduction of hate, while guys tend to cut their losses and abandon any hope of repairing the damage done.

 

[Kennah]

They're women.

By that I mean they're bloodthirsty mindreading mutant ninja psychopaths from Venus who prefer to make passive aggressive attacks to being out and out hostile that bleed for 3 days and don't die and finally have possession of the most desirable commodity on Earth.

Hmm... all in all they're not that bad.

On that note, I'd have to say I'm not a ninja, since pirates are way better, a mindreader, or bloodthirsty...but I will admit to being a teensy bit psychotic

 

[Imthatguy]

They're women.

By that I mean they're bloodthirsty mindreading mutant ninja psychopaths from Venus who prefer to make passive aggressive attacks to being out and out hostile that bleed for 3 days and don't die and finally have possession of the most desirable commodity on Earth.

Hmm... all in all they're not that bad.

On that note, I'd have to say I'm not a ninja, since pirates are way better, a mindreader, or bloodthirsty...but I will admit to being a teensy bit psychotic

Just pullin the Escapist's leg

 

[saintdane05]

I think you need to throw your friend a sympathy fuck. It's the only way he'll ever really get over it.

I agree. Although he should give an oral one. It works so much better, for both of them.

 

[Jonluw]

Your friend is the common denominator in all those relationships that went awry.
Why is he blaming the girls?

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Here's the thing: I've made a lot of threads about this topic over the past few months and the overriding theme has been "learn to love yourself" before you start dating (and if you can't, fake it). It's a bit of a cliche, but I think I've discovered a new way to look at it. You don't have to love yourself, be confident, or have a suddenly massive self esteem. Just quit giving a shit. That's it. I woke up a few weeks ago and I was shocked to discover that I had legitimately quit giving a shit at all. It was amazing and liberating. And immediately, girls were magically interested in me all of a sudden. It was bizarre.

Has your friend had sex yet or been physical with another woman? That was one of the factors that changed me, I think. I came to the realization that while things like making out and fucking are nice, I don't need them. I'd like them, but "need" is too strong of a word for it. The only time I really enjoyed it to its fullest was with a girl I loved at the time, and I honestly don't pretend like I can recreate that immediately with another person. From a strictly physical standpoint, masturbation is better than sex, unless you love the other person and get a psychological kick from pleasing someone else.

I made a female friend recently who has a boyfriend, so sex/girlfriend is off the table. I lost contact with her a couple weeks ago, but I was more or less fine. She eventually called me and apologized for not responding because she got busy... and I didn't care. I drove to her house to hang out and we had a great time. But if we hadn't? I wouldn't have cared a bit. And as it turns out, this girl is hot. And it doesn't matter. All I want to do is have a nice time and ensure that she has a nice time, too. That's it.

Two days ago, I secured a date with a woman I met online and had been talking to for awhile. She's also very attractive and I'm really excited at the prospect of getting to have sex with her. I probably won't get that opportunity and I don't care. I had a really great dinner with her, we got in our cars, and left. She messaged me a little while later with ideas for more stuff we could do together. That has never ever happened to me before. It's astonishing. And again, if plans fall through or she's no longer interested, I don't give a shit. I already had fun and a good dinner. I can't get mad at losing hypothetical fun.

Another way to look at it - appreciate what you have versus what you don't have. What if your male friend found a girl who only wanted to use him for sex? He'd feel like shit because she wouldn't date him. What if he found a girlfriend who never wanted to fuck? He'd feel like shit that they weren't physical. Don't learn to love yourself, but learn to love life. Take it at face value and you'll enjoy it more, which in turn will make it look like being with you is more fun than not. Stop thinking about other stuff in the future because what you come up with in your head isn't fucking real.

I imagine there might be something else in this guy's life that he feels like he can't change and it's holding him down. For me, it was my shitty shitty job. I quit it. I got another shitty job. I quit that, too. The thing is, you can do whatever the fuck you want, even when it feels like you're trapped. And once you realize that, you can begin steps towards realizing that you could probably fuck anyone you want, probably wouldn't want to, and in general, really don't care one way or another.

 

[shrekfan246]

They're women.

By that I mean they're bloodthirsty mindreading mutant ninja psychopaths from Venus who prefer to make passive aggressive attacks to being out and out hostile that bleed for 3 days and don't die and finally have possession of the most desirable commodity on Earth.

Hmm... all in all they're not that bad.

On that note, I'd have to say I'm not a ninja, since pirates are way better, a mindreader, or bloodthirsty...but I will admit to being a teensy bit psychotic

But your avatar is a ninja... I've been lied to!

OT: They're crazy. All of them. Men and women. Some are more crazy than others.

 

[Vault101]

I think you need to throw your friend a sympathy fuck. It's the only way he'll ever really get over it.

I agree. Although he should give an oral one. It works so much better, for both of them.

wait...WHAT? you serious?

anyway..I dont know..breakups happen

its sad that people have to get so mean/bitter over them

 

[Zen Toombs]

I think you need to throw your friend a sympathy fuck. It's the only way he'll ever really get over it.

I agree. Although he should give an oral one. It works so much better, for both of them.

wait...WHAT? you serious?

anyway..I dont know..breakups happen

its sad that people have to get so mean/bitter over them

Methinks its a joke.

Anyways, it is kinda sad that people get so upset over breakups, but it makes sense. It tends to be something of a betrayal from one side or the other (sometimes both), and betrayals always hurt when they come form someone close.

The loss of easy access to sexytimes/cuddletimes also makes it harder.

 

[someonehairy-ish]

I still get on with my ex of a year and a half. We're too alike for me to really hold much of a grudge...
As for other exes and other breakups? Welp, there's at least one person I just find irritating now. That breakup was the hardest one. It's usually me that does the dumping for some reason, but that time it was her and hoo boy did it hurt. I spent a whole day just sat on the sofa because I couldn't work up the enthusiasm to pick up a guitar or a controller...

So my conclusion is that it is possible to break up with someone and get on with the other person afterwards, and it's possible for at least one person to leave the relationship with feeling particularly bad, but for both people to feel just fine when the time comes? Nah. Not likely. Unless neither of you were that bothered in the first place.

 

[Kennah]

Your friend is the common denominator in all those relationships that went awry.
Why is he blaming the girls?

I guess it's mostly because he's been going through a difficult time. I don't entirely blame him though. Some of the women he went out with were really bad. I mean they were just down right awful! Plus, I can't help him much in his relationships because he never talks about them. He doesn't like to talk about relationships. I guess it's because knows it makes me kind of uncomfortable.

I think you need to throw your friend a sympathy fuck. It's the only way he'll ever really get over it.

No...just, no...

 

[EeveeElectro]

People seem to forget that men can be complete dickwards too.

You treat your friends differently to your partner. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors between two people in a relationship. A guy/girl could be the nicest friend you have yet verbally/physically abuse their partner.

I think a lot of the problems stem from people just rushing into things or being a doormat. Get out the second they start treating you like crap rather than stay until they've broken you, then leave you to move onto their next victim.