You know, I've wrestled with this Twitter ideal since it launched. Only in the past two months have I finally gotten hold of the mass appeal of Twitter. But let's break it down to understand my point a little clearer.
1. You can only post around 180 characters in a Tweet.
2. Tweets can be followed basically by anyone in the world.
3. You can Tweet on damn near any modern cell phone in any place with a decent cellular reception.
4. Nothing intelligent has been found in a Tweet.
You know what all this adds up to? This is a next-gen version of text messaging. You can't write a damn novel in a text message, nor a Tweet. Twitter is like a mass text message anyone can pick up. They have funneled this tech down to cell phones so that people can post messages while sitting on a Wal-Mart toilet eating a Twinkie. Why? Apparently the correct question is, why not? Because people want a shot at being popular, they flood Twitter daily with stupid updates about being at a store, the movies, a fast food place, or the bank. Why? Does anyone care if Courtney Love is scratching her ass outside of Starbucks? Britney Spears just stubbed her toe at the free clinic? Topher Grace just landed another movie that sucks? Nobody cares, but people like having boring crap to talk about. Talking about celebrities and their Tweets makes lonely people feel connected to celebrities and celebutards to make them feel important. "I just subscribed to Jessica Alba's Twitter account... we are like best friends now!" No... no you aren't. Twitter is like an app for a digital public relations person. Nobody's life is that important or interesting that we have to know where they are and what they are doing at any given moment in the course of a day. If you feel that you need to announce to the world that you just ate at Burger King, you're pathetic. Twitter and text messaging are two things that I've excluded from my life because they are both pointless. If you want someone to know what you are doing, CALL THEM so they can tell you they don't care.
The only pleasure I get from Twitter is when shows point out how bad celebrities are at spelling when they post some lame Tweet about going to Pinkberry for a strawberry douche and spell at least half the Tweet wrong. It's the equivalent of a digital posse to rival M.C. Hammer's former posse he had circa 1990. If you feel the need to have so many people involved in your life, you are seriously desperate for attention and need to get over yourself.
I'm willing to make a prediction here, so hold on to your hats. In our lifetimes, we will live to see Twitter get shut down and/or outlawed due to the stalker factor and multiple abductions/rapes/murders start to happen because idiots tell complete strangers where they are at any given moment and what they are doing. I would not entirely be surprised if this sort of behavior was already happening. People want entirely too much attention lavished on their pathetic existence on this planet, and it will generate the wrong kind of attention down the road. Twitter is a stalkers' GPS wet dream come true, only that it is voluntary and updated personally. People who Tweet = retwarded.
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