why does marriage continue to exist at all? it adds nothing to a relationship but potentially terrible long term costs, and the actual marriage and marriage license costs money too. seriously, why does this anachronistic institution continue to exist?
What's with Americans and getting married?
- Thread starter ripdajacker
- Start date
Recommended Videos
Too late.ripdajacker said:
Go ahead with your whatever. I am 26, been married for 7 years, have 3 kids and am perfectly happy.
There's nothing wrong with the idea of marriage and to suggest that getting married is tying yourself down is a deeply cynical view of the concept. Marriage is held up as the ideal not because it's considered the final step of a relationship or because of the financial benefits of a marriage but because if you find someone you truly love and who truly loves you back marriage is a way of recognising that relationship. You may not feel that you need a marriage to feel you're there in a relationship but it's a way of promising each other that you're in the relationship for good and a lot of people consider it a way of announcing their love to each other to the world.
The reason for high statistics for divorces is because people get married because they think it's what you do. Some times it's because of a pregnancy but for quite a lot of people it's because they've been together for a while and they reach a stage where if they don't marry they're going to break up. It's easy to stick in an unloving relationship because it's comfortable and you don't want to be single again.
The reason for high statistics for divorces is because people get married because they think it's what you do. Some times it's because of a pregnancy but for quite a lot of people it's because they've been together for a while and they reach a stage where if they don't marry they're going to break up. It's easy to stick in an unloving relationship because it's comfortable and you don't want to be single again.
I think its mainly a society/religious thing. The ultimate goal of the American collective unconscious is to create the archetypal nuclear family that you so often see on TV and in films i.e. married heterosexual parents, multiple children of both genders, house, new car etc. etc. etc. The cynic in me puts this down to the consumer culture we currently live in telling us that this permutation of people in a family unit (Oikos) is the optimum for having the all the best stuff. On a less cynical more sociological note this model of family life is one that has persisted since the very first settlers to America and is passed on through generations. As mentioned previously religion also has an important role: with Conservative Christianity having such a deep hold over such a large proportion of the American public a focus on the Christian prininciple of early marriage and having as many children as possible is inevitable, especially in areas that go in for Biblical Literalism, e.g. Kansas or Texas. For these reasons I would venture to suggest that in more "liberal" areas of America where new ideas are perhaps more welcome you might see less of a trend towards marriage. This is just a guess however, I have no statistics to back this up.
freaksheet, i believe the implication is that marriage is unnecessary and potentially harmful. you do not need to be married to have children, nor do you need to be married to be in a happy and committed relationship.FreakSheet said:
I really can't say; I'm a gay american, and there's only a handful of places marriage for me are recognized, but I'm in no hurry. Also, when you're in that situation where you feel like you've found "the one," and you're ready to settle down, perhaps that's marriage time. I can't speak for straight marriage, but gay marriage wants equality.
This explains it all I believe. John Cheese for the awesome http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-you-know-its-time-to-get-married/
Because we still wish we lived in the 50's. Alot of people consider marriage for 1 thing. Making babies and raising them to be good memebers of society. So if you dont do that you are failing society. It is a social stigma to not want to marry or have kids. I recently told my family i dont want to marry or have kids. And my family nearly thought i was possessed by the devil
I don't think it's all and only Americans that get married young. Loads of people here in the UK do, too. A lot of people in my school year are now married (I'm 22). Personally, I believe it's completely down to the individual as to how old they choose to be when they get married. Unless you live somewhere with a strict culture, you'll always have your countries with a load that get married early and a load that wait. I never really considered marriage as something I'd do, or if I did, not 'til I was in my thirties, but then I met my partner and that's all changed, haha. You can meet "the one" whatever age you are.
First off, Friends is a freaking old show that hails from the time when women were expected to desire marriage as the first priority in their lives, whether or not American wanted to admit it. Second, I twitch a whole lot at your "potential as males" statement.
You're basically saying that men are shallow and want to pork anything with big boobs and a pretty face, and that they're entitled to go around and do this throughout their 20s. For one, I don't believe anyone should want to even date a guy who acts like you said you do -- getting horribly distracted when a pretty girl walks by, wanting your complete freedom to go hook up with anyone, anywhere, anytime. This is what 16-year-old boys do. If you're 23, start growing up. This doesn't mean you have to think about marriage, but you should really be getting over the "omg boobies" phase now.
You're also telling people of my age (22) that we "don't know shit," a point with which I very much beg to differ. I very much know what I want and how I want it in terms of men and dating, and I'm pretty mature about it. I have a good job, a fun life, and am definitely looking for a guy to share that with me someday. Am I going to rush into it? No. Am I going to weed out my dating partners now based on my criteria for a serious long-term relationship? Yes. Will I be thrilled to find The One someday that isn't 10 years away? Most definitely, and whether he arrives in 1 year or 9, I will be totally happy about this. Marriage is something you do when it's the right time, whenever that is for you.
Why does America like it? I think for one, it's a statement of dedication and security. It is a symbol of assurance that neither party will leave the other. Now, this doesn't really mean anything to lots of people, but I believe that's why it's there. For people who are Christian, it's a promise before God that you're going to do everything in your power to stay together. For people who aren't, it can still be that kind of symbol, a professing before everyone there of the same. It means that you have a friend for life, someone who will consult you before they upend their lives and run off into the wild blue yonder, someone who will never leave you even if the entire world does. It's having a partner to go through life with, if you do it right.
I don't think that's such a bad deal. Also, if you don't have kids, you now have two people's income and one person's worth of things like housing payments and stuff.
I resent that "arcane superstitions" comment about my religion also. Let's not judge all of Christianity by the Conservative Right, shall we? I thought we were over that.
You're basically saying that men are shallow and want to pork anything with big boobs and a pretty face, and that they're entitled to go around and do this throughout their 20s. For one, I don't believe anyone should want to even date a guy who acts like you said you do -- getting horribly distracted when a pretty girl walks by, wanting your complete freedom to go hook up with anyone, anywhere, anytime. This is what 16-year-old boys do. If you're 23, start growing up. This doesn't mean you have to think about marriage, but you should really be getting over the "omg boobies" phase now.
You're also telling people of my age (22) that we "don't know shit," a point with which I very much beg to differ. I very much know what I want and how I want it in terms of men and dating, and I'm pretty mature about it. I have a good job, a fun life, and am definitely looking for a guy to share that with me someday. Am I going to rush into it? No. Am I going to weed out my dating partners now based on my criteria for a serious long-term relationship? Yes. Will I be thrilled to find The One someday that isn't 10 years away? Most definitely, and whether he arrives in 1 year or 9, I will be totally happy about this. Marriage is something you do when it's the right time, whenever that is for you.
Why does America like it? I think for one, it's a statement of dedication and security. It is a symbol of assurance that neither party will leave the other. Now, this doesn't really mean anything to lots of people, but I believe that's why it's there. For people who are Christian, it's a promise before God that you're going to do everything in your power to stay together. For people who aren't, it can still be that kind of symbol, a professing before everyone there of the same. It means that you have a friend for life, someone who will consult you before they upend their lives and run off into the wild blue yonder, someone who will never leave you even if the entire world does. It's having a partner to go through life with, if you do it right.
I don't think that's such a bad deal. Also, if you don't have kids, you now have two people's income and one person's worth of things like housing payments and stuff.
I resent that "arcane superstitions" comment about my religion also. Let's not judge all of Christianity by the Conservative Right, shall we? I thought we were over that.
I'm 21yo who is kinda engaged to a girl he's been dating for 6 years. I have no idea how we have made it this long and I often feel like we are still rushing into things. I have two friends who are more seriously engaged than us and have been dating for less time with their own set of problems and I think they are absolutely stupid. In short, I don't get it either and I am in the weird position being in the middle of it.
That view can work well for you when you are 23. Continue with that view for the rest of your life however, and chances are extremely high you will be completely alone by 40. No casual sex, no girlfriend, just yourself and whatever internet site you prefer.
On a side note, if the world as a whole likes to proclaim that America isn't important anymore, or is a dying nation, or any of the piles of things that seem to be popular, specifically in Europe, to deride America with, why do all questions like this get addressed to America. I cannot recall a single time in a forum where a European country posed a question to a European country along the lines of this type of thread. Have they all been around each other for too long that there is nothing that holds their curiosity? Why doesn't a French person ask of the United Kingdom as a whole: What is the deal with the tea, and while I am at it, why do you stubbornly keep a royal family?
To steer back on topic, there is more to life then just sex. Spending most of one's waking hours thinking of how to have more sex seems a bit creepy to me. Has a bit of a predatory vibe to it. (Important to note: I am not implying that the OP is a predator, just that the wording of the post has a disturbing undertone to it.)
On a side note, if the world as a whole likes to proclaim that America isn't important anymore, or is a dying nation, or any of the piles of things that seem to be popular, specifically in Europe, to deride America with, why do all questions like this get addressed to America. I cannot recall a single time in a forum where a European country posed a question to a European country along the lines of this type of thread. Have they all been around each other for too long that there is nothing that holds their curiosity? Why doesn't a French person ask of the United Kingdom as a whole: What is the deal with the tea, and while I am at it, why do you stubbornly keep a royal family?
To steer back on topic, there is more to life then just sex. Spending most of one's waking hours thinking of how to have more sex seems a bit creepy to me. Has a bit of a predatory vibe to it. (Important to note: I am not implying that the OP is a predator, just that the wording of the post has a disturbing undertone to it.)
Nothing says love like marriage, tying up your partner with the threat of social, mental and economical failure if they consider to divorce.
Marriage is one of those things that stuck to our society from older days when people were ignorant, (was gonna put a certain example here but- ugh, mods gonna hate me>>)
I find it absurd that married people get so many tax and other benefits in some countries.
Marriage is one of those things that stuck to our society from older days when people were ignorant, (was gonna put a certain example here but- ugh, mods gonna hate me>>)
I find it absurd that married people get so many tax and other benefits in some countries.