What's wrong with cheating?
- Thread starter Professor James
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I like this it sums it up pretty well.badgersprite said:
If you are so dissatisfied or unhappy that you have to go outside your relationship to get something, which is ignoring the core problem to begin with, then lie on top of it, how is cheating good at all?
Seems the best action is to talk about things, or break the relationship off if you want to mess around elsewhere.
Course this ignores casual flings cause sometime stuff happens, but even at that if you love the person you really should not be getting pulled into stuff at all. And if are a weak person that just cant help yourself then avoid the things where stuff can happen.
Ok then its just my sarcasm detector that's broken thenYopaz said:
OT:
I personally associate cheating with people who are disloyal and weak willed. Disloyal because (duh) they're betraying the foundation on which most serious relationships are based. If it's just "a bit of fun" then you'd better make that damn clear ahead of time.
And weak willed because most people (and by most people I mean almost everyone) can see the natural consequences and that it might cause great - and long lasting - pain to someone that you're supposed to care about but you go ahead and do it anyway.
Of course there are a great many reasons why people cheat - but most people do it simply because they can and they don't think about or don't care about the consequences. I neither can nor will ever respect it as a choice.
If you want out get out - spare everyone the time, trouble and pain. If you don't want out don't cheat.
Aside from cheating being a moral and ethical evil as defined by society in most places, there is potentially a biological reason for it being so disliked.
For example, we can show even in single generations that indivuals with two active parents perform better than individuals with only one. Even adjusting for financial disparities maintains the benefits of two individuals even though two incomes do also lead to better performance than one income. As such, we are likely evolved to appreciate faithful relationships and to reject behavior consistent with abandonment. Note that this does not necessarily mean a monogamous relationship being imperative (much of human history favored polygamy). However, in a monogamous society this action would be deemed as inherently evil because of the additional expectation of faithfulness.
The implied trust in such relationships is a sort of social contract. To break it would be the same as breaking any other social construct. Like a person blatantly cutting in front of you in line (in the US, anyways), it immediately illicits extreme and even primal negative emotions. It is someone behaving anti-socially. In the same way, so does breaking a direct or implicit commitment.
That is the essence of cheating. You can ask the same question of any socially defined evil. Why is murder inherently wrong? The answer is a subjective or collective reasoning rather than some a-religious moral absolute.
For example, we can show even in single generations that indivuals with two active parents perform better than individuals with only one. Even adjusting for financial disparities maintains the benefits of two individuals even though two incomes do also lead to better performance than one income. As such, we are likely evolved to appreciate faithful relationships and to reject behavior consistent with abandonment. Note that this does not necessarily mean a monogamous relationship being imperative (much of human history favored polygamy). However, in a monogamous society this action would be deemed as inherently evil because of the additional expectation of faithfulness.
The implied trust in such relationships is a sort of social contract. To break it would be the same as breaking any other social construct. Like a person blatantly cutting in front of you in line (in the US, anyways), it immediately illicits extreme and even primal negative emotions. It is someone behaving anti-socially. In the same way, so does breaking a direct or implicit commitment.
That is the essence of cheating. You can ask the same question of any socially defined evil. Why is murder inherently wrong? The answer is a subjective or collective reasoning rather than some a-religious moral absolute.
Nah, in retrospect I see that it wasn't really as obvious as I thought it was. It's hard to tell sarcasm in text and it's even harder when there are people on this site who would actually think like this. There's clearly need to make sarcastic remarks as the one I posted a little bit more obvious in order to separate me from the wannabe cynics here.Mr_Spanky said:Ok then its just my sarcasm detector that's broken thenYopaz said:
Shattering another human beings trust and expectations may be nothing to you but it can be crippling to them.
Simply put there is nothing 'wrong' with it other than what levels of human empathy we possess.
How much did/do you care about your fellow man, can you see the persons plight from their perspective.
Hell some people have serious trust issues BEFORE entering into a relationship, this could have been caused by family, or by school, etc and it might have taken them years to build up the trust once more.
And some people are so callous as to feel that is nothing to them. Instant gratification takes precedence over someone elses' feelings. Someone who they 'claimed' was dear to them. Okay.
To me. That seems scummy, no matter how you put it, but then I spend alot of time thinking about 'other peoples shoes'. To others, maybe it doesn't bother you. And alright then. Still makes me think less of you.
Simply put there is nothing 'wrong' with it other than what levels of human empathy we possess.
How much did/do you care about your fellow man, can you see the persons plight from their perspective.
Hell some people have serious trust issues BEFORE entering into a relationship, this could have been caused by family, or by school, etc and it might have taken them years to build up the trust once more.
And some people are so callous as to feel that is nothing to them. Instant gratification takes precedence over someone elses' feelings. Someone who they 'claimed' was dear to them. Okay.
To me. That seems scummy, no matter how you put it, but then I spend alot of time thinking about 'other peoples shoes'. To others, maybe it doesn't bother you. And alright then. Still makes me think less of you.
If there was nothing wrong with it, then it wouldn't be called cheating.
Other than that, it's the emotional betrayal of knowing that your partner went elsewhere to get something they weren't getting from you. And ultimately that they felt they should do this behind your back, without discussing a problem in the relationship that you previously assumed to be working out fine. There are many layers of hurt when you have been cheated on, from the betrayal and rage to guilt, assuming that you have somehow forced your partner to clandestinely go and seek sex/affection/attention from somewhere else.
If there is an agreement where one partner goes to have sex with someone else for whatever reason, then it is an agreement and no longer cheating.
Other than that, it's the emotional betrayal of knowing that your partner went elsewhere to get something they weren't getting from you. And ultimately that they felt they should do this behind your back, without discussing a problem in the relationship that you previously assumed to be working out fine. There are many layers of hurt when you have been cheated on, from the betrayal and rage to guilt, assuming that you have somehow forced your partner to clandestinely go and seek sex/affection/attention from somewhere else.
If there is an agreement where one partner goes to have sex with someone else for whatever reason, then it is an agreement and no longer cheating.
I don't think there's a moral absolute here, but regardless "adultery" is dishonest and hurtful to the person being adulterated against so it's a "bad thing" to do.
Precisely, the discussion might as well be why it's wrong to lie and break promises when the result is often devestating to the other person.Galletea said:
I find that cheating shows that a person is weak and selfish. That they can't be trusted and that they don't respect their partner. That they will take the easy road and are not reliable.
Can their word really be trusted? Will they respect their next partner? Will they break when the next temptation comes around? Will everything always be about them?
Cheating is easy. Fixing and maintaining a relationship or recognizing that a relationship is beyond repair is difficult.
Can their word really be trusted? Will they respect their next partner? Will they break when the next temptation comes around? Will everything always be about them?
Cheating is easy. Fixing and maintaining a relationship or recognizing that a relationship is beyond repair is difficult.
I view it as straight up dishonesty and breaking trust. I would never cheat on a girl in a closed relationship and I expect to not be cheated on, either. I rather have someone break up with me first if they found someone else. If a girlfriend did have a moment of weakness with someone else, and it could be hidden from me forever, I rather have her not tell me because that would just be her sharing her own guilt with me. What I don't know doesn't hurt me.
If it's a clearly open relationship, then it's not cheating. I'm fine with open relationships as long as there's communication there. I don't want to find out that they want an open relationship while they're sucking some other guy off, if you get my drift.
In my relationships so far, I have never been cheated on. I have also never cheated. I have had a closed relationship turn into an open one, which was fun. Didn't last very long because we both found other people who wanted closed relationships and we chose to stop seeing each other. We're still friends, though.
If it's a clearly open relationship, then it's not cheating. I'm fine with open relationships as long as there's communication there. I don't want to find out that they want an open relationship while they're sucking some other guy off, if you get my drift.
In my relationships so far, I have never been cheated on. I have also never cheated. I have had a closed relationship turn into an open one, which was fun. Didn't last very long because we both found other people who wanted closed relationships and we chose to stop seeing each other. We're still friends, though.
Maybe it's the selfish person in me talking, but I hate the risk it puts me at.
In the hypothetical situation where I found out who it was, I may break up with her but I'd be sure to find the infected individual and torch them. Infected scum.
Though then I'd have to do some self-immolation right after as to not be a hypocrite...
But anyway, it depends on the deal the two make with one another.
If they wish to pursue a traditional, monogamous, relationship then it would be a massive breach of trust, an act of betrayal and some other negative adjectives that pertain to the cheating individual's psyche. Weak minded, weak willed, dishonest, delusional, pathetic and untrustworthy all seem particularly fitting. If the two agree to an open relationship of some sort, then it would be kind of weird to declare it "cheating" as both parties have consented to pursuing romance with others in addition to themselves.
But seriously, getting back to the hypothetical bit...
You would burn, nicely, to a crisp.
In the hypothetical situation where I found out who it was, I may break up with her but I'd be sure to find the infected individual and torch them. Infected scum.
Though then I'd have to do some self-immolation right after as to not be a hypocrite...
But anyway, it depends on the deal the two make with one another.
If they wish to pursue a traditional, monogamous, relationship then it would be a massive breach of trust, an act of betrayal and some other negative adjectives that pertain to the cheating individual's psyche. Weak minded, weak willed, dishonest, delusional, pathetic and untrustworthy all seem particularly fitting. If the two agree to an open relationship of some sort, then it would be kind of weird to declare it "cheating" as both parties have consented to pursuing romance with others in addition to themselves.
But seriously, getting back to the hypothetical bit...
You would burn, nicely, to a crisp.
I find this thread hilarious. The co-dependent crowd always comes out of the woodwork to tell people how love feels and assume everyone gets the same thing out of it.
As one who has been cheated on, and didn't mind too much at the time (I just insisted we both get tested. We did, nothing came of it)... now I just regret that she did so much damage to her own self-esteem in doing so. In hindsight, I should have been a little less calm and a bit more comforting... for her sake.
I have to say that it's only bad for one who is invested in their monogamy to a downright unhealthy degree. Co-dependence, in short (not that there's anything horribly wrong with having that particular disorder, it's just wrong to assume everyone does). I've never cheated, but that's just because I live by a very old fashioned "my word is my bond" take on honesty.
So, the only problems I have with cheating are the STD risk and the breach of honesty. Both are things that can be discussed with civility and without a hint of rancor, if you're emotionally stable (which is not a state our culture does much to encourage).
As one who has been cheated on, and didn't mind too much at the time (I just insisted we both get tested. We did, nothing came of it)... now I just regret that she did so much damage to her own self-esteem in doing so. In hindsight, I should have been a little less calm and a bit more comforting... for her sake.
I have to say that it's only bad for one who is invested in their monogamy to a downright unhealthy degree. Co-dependence, in short (not that there's anything horribly wrong with having that particular disorder, it's just wrong to assume everyone does). I've never cheated, but that's just because I live by a very old fashioned "my word is my bond" take on honesty.
So, the only problems I have with cheating are the STD risk and the breach of honesty. Both are things that can be discussed with civility and without a hint of rancor, if you're emotionally stable (which is not a state our culture does much to encourage).
Perhaps. I, frankly, don't have enough friends that I can cut them loose for doing stupid things, even if they are reckless with other people's emotions. Domestic violence? Absolutely, I'd get rid of them in a heartbeat. Because that goes beyond careless and reckless into evil territory. But cheating is sometimes more complicated than it appears, so I'm not going to make it a rule of mine to get rid of a friend if they fuck up.ItsNotRudy said:
But if your moral code calls for a different reaction, go for it. I've been cheated on, and it sucks, but that's just how I feel about it.
What she is essentially doing is forcing his personal life into his commercial life against his wishes. The situation surrounding why the individual was driven to cheat is completely ignored because "he's an ass".Dijkstra said:
Of course the irony of the situation is that when a woman does something like that more and more people are starting to think "No wonder he cheated on you".
Unless it's a drunk accident kinda thing, anyone committing it is fully aware of what they're doing and should just break it off with whomever they are seeing. I've had my share of relationships and temptation has come around, but I either broke it off if I felt I didn't love my current girlfriend enough or made sure there was no temptation anymore.Caiphus said:
