Whats wrong with long term relationships?

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

I'm more of the opposite...

well... for myself anyway! I'd rather not everyone on the planet was in a long term relationship, because then I will neve meet someone! :/

I just (well, a year ago, but it feels like yesterday) and I am looking forward to whenever I will get that again with someone else! I also never actually beleive anyone who says that they don't want that...! I recon they just HAVEN'T had it to know what they are missing!

 

[Terminal Blue]

I'm not against "long term relationships", I suppose in layman's terms I'm probably in one. However, I am however against the sheer level of posturing and bullshit which seems to come as part of the package for most people.

I'm against having your relationship with one person take over your life just because you're fucking them, and I don't see why the people already in your life, your friends and the people who have actually supported you, should suddenly come second to someone you enjoy exchanging bodily fluids with.

I'm also against being "coupley" around other people. That's not a point about PDA, heck I have no problem if you want to fuck each other in the middle of the road, but I hate this weird expectation that you'll function as a single social unit. It's annoying to people who already know you, and outright cruel to people who have their own relationship problems or are single. Basically, I think regardless of what kind of relationship in you're always separate people, if you're so neurotic about each other that you can't function independently you should probably get out of a relationship and get psychotherapy.

I'm also against making promises you can't keep. I don't believe you can promise to love someone forever and ever (unless one of you is dying). The fact is that relationships only work because they mutually provide for people, and the only logical way to handle them is to accept that there may come a time when said relationship no longer provides what someone is looking for. If that sounds harsh, then ask yourself whether any happiness you'd feel from doing otherwise is actually real happiness or just something you've deluded yourself into.

But yeah, there are long-term relationships and long-term relationships. Personally, I think it's very important to build up an emotional connection with the people you have sex with. I just don't think that should supersede or abrogate the equally important emotional connections you've already formed.

I suppose ultimately I don't think having sex with someone makes them particularly special. I don't really see what it changes between anyone, and I'm against treating it as something particularly special and non-substitutable. But I'm very much alone in this regard (heck, even my partner doesn't always feel the same way).

 

[Dryk]

^ I get in trouble sometimes with my girlfriend because I'm not used to automatically trying to get her invites to everything. But for the most part we function fairly independently, I wouldn't be able to deal very well with anything else.

OT: I haven't seen anyone rail against long-term relationships, I've seen people say that they don't want one or they're not in one though.

 

[Xanadu84]

Some people, long term relationships arn't their thing, and maybe they assume that that preference is universal. Others are young enough that long term relationships just arn't appealing quite yet. Others can't get a significant other and are bitter, or have had a BAD long term relationship and are temporarily bitter. And the rest are fine with long term, relationships, and you don't notice.

 

[Thaluikhain]

People can't get girlfriends and are bitter.

This is perhaps a little broad and blunt, but essentially correct.

Given the demographics of a site like this, there's going to be a distinct element of "No really, it's not that I can't get a girlfriend, relationships just suck."

And of course there's the usual element of, "My last relationship went pear-shaped, therefore relationships suck", but you'll find that anywhere.

Heh, more or less. Still, better that than deciding that it's the fault of all women or somesuch.

I'm also against being "coupley" around other people. That's not a point about PDA, heck I have no problem if you want to fuck each other in the middle of the road, but I hate this weird expectation that you'll function as a single social unit. It's annoying to people who already know you, and outright cruel to people who have their own relationship problems or are single. Basically, I think regardless of what kind of relationship in you're always separate people, if you're so neurotic about each other that you can't function independently you should probably get out of a relationship and get psychotherapy.

So...not a fan of couples who have joint Facebook accounts, then?

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Nothing, bearing in mind that they do require effort. Ooooh, now there's a novel concept. ¬__¬

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I just got a girlfriend and i feel all smug about it, (cause it's totally awesome) But reading around on the escapist i see a lot of you who are against the idea of a long term relationship, and i cant really see why someone would be against it.

so yeah...opinions?, anecdotes?, statistics?, whatever

I don't know that I've ever seen ANYONE actually come out against long term relationships on this site. I've seen a few people express bitterness about relationships in general, usually because they think they'll never get one, or because they're fresh out of a bad one. But I've not seen long term relationships singled out in particular.

There are, however, quite a few people on the site who aren't overly enamored with the institution of marriage. That might be what you're picking up on.

 

[The Funslinger]

People in general tend to be fairly judgemental of people who intend a long-term relationship, or have one, whilst they're still in school. It's a pretty patronising point of view, and doesn't help a couple's chances when other people give such negative opinions about it. It seems once you make it out of school and into a more adult environment that people take it more seriously though, which is good.
Source: Personal Experience

Aye. With my most recent college relationship, from beginning to end, I had at least one person every other day come up to me and go "are you still with Maddie?" and I think she had the same deal.

I don't like to think about the effect that had, and it really irked me, considering we were surrounded by other couples who weren't getting that treatment.

 

[deathzero021]

against long term? what?... i thought that was the damn goal of a relationship? if it's going great than why would you end it? why would marriage exist if people didn't want FOREVER?

i have no plans of cutting off my relationship, been going for 3 years!

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

inevitably leaves.

I think that's where my opinions on relationships differ from a lot of people on here. I don't think about it like that. Hell, my parents have been together for getting on 35 years. People seem to have just had bad experiences (or I guess, no experiences) and let it make them pessimistic towards all relationships, and see a long relationship as unnatural or forced. Personally I don't agree with the 'love is transient' crap; it's probably true in a lot of relationships but it's not universal.

 

[Guffe]

Hope I'd be in your situation when it comes to the GF part.
GL & HF

 

[the abyss gazes also]

I'm happily married almost 4 years now. I think long term relationships are kind of awesome. Well mine anyway.

I think a lot of people have seen a lot of relationships end badly because of various crap. Basically, I'm for long term as long as it works for the parties involved. If the person you are with is making you constantly miserable, leave. Otherwise long term has some nice stability and dependability.

 

[senordesol]

I don't think anyone has said they are *against* long-term relationships. But whether or not it is a priority for some might reflect on their views regarding marriage or mutual goals, etc.

According to the likes of evilthecat, a relationship is to be broken down to little more than a mutual fluid exchange (I may be over-simplifying, but this is for sake of discussion). For others, like myself, it's about two people relying on and supporting each other to achieve mutual life goals and done in a fashion where either party cares enough about the other to see them through.

I'd say either is fine so long as all parties are on board.

 

[SaetonChapelle]

I'm not against long term relationships at all, nor do I know of many that are. Maybe long DISTANCE relationships... But either way I'm not against it. I promote two individuals being in a stable relationship for as long as possible, assuming both are happy. :3

Good luck. I wish you well.

 

[Nerexor]

Congardulations, GL&HF.

I'm not against long term relationships, and I'm also not bitter, I'm just loving being single. I've done the relationship thing a few times before (usually lasting a year, so reasonably long term) and right now I enjoy having time to myself. Got my own pad, decent job, and more video games than I can shake a controller at. No drama, no trying to figure out date nights, no figuring out schedules, no having to try and answer that damned "what are you thinking about?" question (seriously, do all girls ask that on a daily basis?)

I don't really get why so many guys are hung up on whether or not they have a girlfriend. I mean, yes, being in a relationship is nice, but it's not like being out of one is some kind of horrible living hell.

 

[Vegosiux]

Nobody is against long-term relationship. Some of us just think that going on about how you're going to stay with your girlfriend forever after you've been with her for a week is silly and actually not a smart thing to do. If it works out in long term, great, but you can't seriously claim it will until it does. Just my take on how things work, I mean one of my relationships lasted 6 years, and it started to fall apart at about 4. The last 2 years, now that I look back...it was that zombie kind of relationship that's dead but still moving merely because we both became a habit to each other. It wasn't pleasant. Not at all.

Also,

-snip-

Just going to leave this here for you, sir.

 

[Aurora Firestorm]

I can think of some reasons. Some people are at a stage in their life, perhaps, where most relationships are doomed to fail. Think high school or college. Most people will move away after those end, and as such, unless you're so super-committed that you either follow the person (or they you) or you go long-distance, you're going to break up. If you're a person who doesn't want to have a serious relationship with a deadline -- and I personally hate the ticking clock -- you might stick to short-term relationships that are shallower, for the duration of the "doomed" zone. Yes, I'm aware that high school and college sweethearts stay together sometimes, but really, that's very rare. Same with first relationships. But the statistics are really crappy.

Or, the person might have been burned several times by really close partners, and have decided that they're bitter and don't want to do that anymore. That's valid, if depressing.

There's nothing wrong with long-term relationships, but some people just don't want them. It doesn't make them better or worse people.

 

[The Pinray]

I've been with my girlfriend for near two years now. Nothing with wrong with long-term relationships. They can be a wonderful thing.

Honestly, a lot of guys here are the foreveralone types that can't get a date so they want everyone else as miserable as they... So ignore those ones.