What's Your Best Joke/One Liner?
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How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb. None, feminists can't change anything.
Didn't say it had to be in good taste
Also, if you want something a little more racist...
A white man walked into a plastic surgeons office saying "I want to be black." After the surgeon realized he was serious, he explained the operation to him: "Okay, we're going to add 6 inches to your height, 4 inches to your dick, and cut off 30% of your brain." The man said that that sounded fine and to go ahead with the operation. A few hours later, the surgeon walks into the room and takes the bandages off the man's face. "OH MY GOD!" he exclaims, "It went horribly wrong! We accidentally cut a foot off your height, 2 inches OFF your dick, and chopped off 50% of your brain. Do you understand what we did?" The man then replies with "Si Señor."
Please tell me you can take a few jokes, escapists?
Didn't say it had to be in good taste
Also, if you want something a little more racist...
A white man walked into a plastic surgeons office saying "I want to be black." After the surgeon realized he was serious, he explained the operation to him: "Okay, we're going to add 6 inches to your height, 4 inches to your dick, and cut off 30% of your brain." The man said that that sounded fine and to go ahead with the operation. A few hours later, the surgeon walks into the room and takes the bandages off the man's face. "OH MY GOD!" he exclaims, "It went horribly wrong! We accidentally cut a foot off your height, 2 inches OFF your dick, and chopped off 50% of your brain. Do you understand what we did?" The man then replies with "Si Señor."
Please tell me you can take a few jokes, escapists?
Just cause this always pops into my head at the mention of one liners...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1XOfHax6Q8
Damnit SciFi or SyFy or whatever stupid name they decide to go with next.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1XOfHax6Q8
Damnit SciFi or SyFy or whatever stupid name they decide to go with next.
Rene Descartes was sitting in a bar, getting good and trashed. The bartender goes up to him and he says, 'Hey, Descartes, you've had enough and it's closing time, go home!' and Descartes says 'Aw, can't I have one more for the road?' and the bartender says 'I think not.' and disappears.
Oh god, I need hobbies.
Oh god, I need hobbies.
I like this one: An Irishman walks out of a bar.
EDIT: another good one,
I'm making a fortune out of promoting home security systems.
The pitch is easy. All I do is say "Hello".
At 3 in the morning whilst sitting on the end of their bed.
EDIT 2: A good one I just stole:
The reason the French never win any medals in the Olympics is because everytime the starting gun fires, they surrender.
EDIT: another good one,
I'm making a fortune out of promoting home security systems.
The pitch is easy. All I do is say "Hello".
At 3 in the morning whilst sitting on the end of their bed.
EDIT 2: A good one I just stole:
The reason the French never win any medals in the Olympics is because everytime the starting gun fires, they surrender.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police(I have tried this and sadly it is true).
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Yeah, ok I did an internet search for those, but those were my favorite out of what I found!
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Yeah, ok I did an internet search for those, but those were my favorite out of what I found!
I don't get itOiXerxes said:
Doesn't have a girlfriend either.crudus said:We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police(I have tried this and sadly it is true).
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Yeah, ok I did an internet search for those, but those were my favorite out of what I found!
I don't get itOiXerxes said:
This is my trademark joke. I've used it here before and my friends love it.
What do you call an abortion in Czechoslovakia?
What do you call an abortion in Czechoslovakia?
A canceled check.
(after telling a particularly horrble joke) "I'm going to mount that one over my mantle next to 'Why did the chicken cross the road?'"
When people call me a no-life for blasting through a game at warp speed, I just say my catch-phrase:
"I have a life, I just choose not to use it."
"I have a life, I just choose not to use it."
billy was a chemist's son and now he is no more, what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
that's my favorite. also: particle acceleration gives me a real hadron, and electronegativity gives me a permanent dipole.
nerd jokes are the best.
that's my favorite. also: particle acceleration gives me a real hadron, and electronegativity gives me a permanent dipole.
nerd jokes are the best.
