I've been considering a concept for a twilight parody novel for a while now that's supposed to explore the premise of Twilight if it was made for a male audience. While of course still retaining Twilights most important features like it's unlikeable protagonist and the shallow caricatures that are the love interest.
It stars a male protagonist who, for the sake of simplicity, we are just going to call Bello Goose. Bello Goose is an unlikeable nerdy shut in who spends most of his time playing video games, watching anime and listening zu Pop music from the 70s while claiming that all modern music meaningless drivel. He considers himself a bleeding heart liberal while hating conservatives, religious people (though mostly christians), capitalism (while being the son of relatively wealthy parents) and mostly everyone who's not like him. He also wears a trilby that he's really convinced is a fedora. I don't know shit about american geography so let's just say he lives in a small coastal town in southern california.
His first love interest is Cindy McBeth, spoiled and slutty youngest daughter of an old and absurdly rich clan of witches. Cindy is a bleach blonde and tan young girl with the emotional and intellectual depth of a teaspoon. Her interests include shopping, Reality Television, plastic surgery and partying. She goes to the same school as Bello and finds herself attracted to him for no other reason than him being the protagonist of a bad romance novel. This leads to him suffering lots of angst because the kind of person that he always looked down on because of her shallowness now seems to have an interest in him. Said angst, of course, is supposed to be written without any sense of irony or self awareness.
His second love interest is a shapeshifter just named Nyx who can turn into a, let's say, cheetah at will. He meets her when she saves him from a gang of muggers who try to rob him. She has ambigously dark skin, wears absurdly revealing, vaguely tribal clothes and tattoos and moves and acts in a generally catlike way. Everything about her, of course, should be grotesquely sexualised while her dialogue and really most of her characterization consists of corny cat puns, sexual innuendo and corny cat puns that double as sexual innuendo. She's also supposed to be the "dangerous" character, the female equivalent to the always popular "bad boy" who regards Bello as a sort of plaything.
Despite both of the love interests being absurdly fetishized there are no actual sex scenes so that the intended audience of horny teenage boys can delude themselves into thinking that it's a serious emotional lovestory more easily.
Bellos best friend is Colin Churchill, a sarcastic, gay british guy who Bello only know over the internet. At some point in the story it turns out that he's actually a hunter of magical creatures who aims to exterminate both Cindy and Nyx after Bello tells him about them. Colin is far more entertaining and likeable than the actual main character which means that he is gonna be killed of about halfway through the book.
This leads to more hunters coming after them and ends in whoever turns out to be the least annoying one of the two love interests sacrificing herself so that Bello can be with the most annoying one for the rest of his life 'n shit. Maybe throw in an awkard, badly written sex scene for no reason.
