When do you rat out a friend, if ever?

[NotSoNimble]

tell him to leave a fist full of cash for repairs in an envelope marked "sorry" on the guy's door step and run
also tell him to ware gloves as to not leave fingerprints

LOL!

That makes great logic for me and this situation, but the guy is a bum that never has a dollar to his name.

In all honesty, I would love for this to be the answer, but knowing the guy, it will never happen.

: (

 

[REAPER5594]

I would use my high charisma and persuade skill to make him turn himself in. in return I get Good morality points. or are you talking about a game? in which case, same thing, I just get conversation options. hahaha.

 

[NotSoNimble]

It depends on how much I value the relationship, what they did, and how it could possibly benefit me.

But, for the most part, I would never rat out a true friend, unless they did something truly horrible. Things such as "kinda" friends I'd have little issue about backstabbing in such a manner.

In the situation described, however, I'd likely do nothing.

No benefit for me. He has been a friend for over 10 years, but he has been an ass fuck up for more than 10 years.

I find the problem is: not knowing if my guilt for knowing out weighs my value of his friendship. I guess only I can answer that tho. I guess I just feel bad and want people to tell me bland opinions since they don't know me, nor him, and somehow that will help me.

Thanks for your thoughts. You make a lot of sense. I think I will do nothing as well, but this damn feeling in the back of my mind won't go away!

 

[NotSoNimble]

First off, you are answering your own question by labeling it "ratting him out". That carries heavily negative connotations and implies that no matter what you think you should do, your sense of honor, comraderie, or (if we are honest) understandable cowardice. Confessing guilt is hard, no matter who you are confessing for, but you seem, for your own reasons, to subconciously avoid direct involvement or confrontation. Just an observation.

Secondly, I think it is the best kind of friendship when you can tell the other guy what he doesn't want to hear. He might hate you for it, but that's his problem. Be the bigger man.

Here is an example, that is 100% true. I had two old friends who I don't really talk to anymore, but I know them well enough to know the whole story. One of them (we'll call A) started smoking weed in 8th grade. A told the other friend (B) that if A got sucked into drugs, that B would tell A's mom, or some authority figure, so A could be helped. If you know anything about life, you already know that A got sucked into drugs. He never got into anything harder, but he started dealing weed to friends. Before long (about a year), A started getting some phone calls from unknown numbers demanding weed, and A got scared. He brought a fake gun to school for psycological protection and was expelled because of it. Now, B knew about all of this, but A's mother had somehow remained oblivious. B told A's mom what was happening, A got into a lot of trouble, but was eventually reinstated in school and dropped the habit. As far as I know. A and B are still friends.

So yeah, do something. Because if you don't, it'll find a way to bite you in the ass.

Thank you for the post.

I think my guilt is going to start making me consider a confrontation.

It sucks that I know I will not be heard, but the simple fact that I tried might make me feel better, even if I lost him as a friend.

If telling someone to do the right thing causes me to lose a friend, then I guess he wasn't that great a friend to begin with, eh?

The thing is, I know he isn't a great person, but I must choose weather to confront him (knowing the outcome) or bury my sideline guilt.

Thanks for the story, it helps me put things in perspective.

 

[Mikeyfell]

tell him to leave a fist full of cash for repairs in an envelope marked "sorry" on the guy's door step and run
also tell him to ware gloves as to not leave fingerprints

LOL!

That makes great logic for me and this situation, but the guy is a bum that never has a dollar to his name.

In all honesty, I would love for this to be the answer, but knowing the guy, it will never happen.

: (

I wouldn't rat him out. but maybe some responsibility for his actions would help him.
you can pretend that who ever he did damage too had it coming
or blame it on someone you don't like

 

[NotSoNimble]

I would feel very sad and terribly embarrassed. The person I chose to be my friend turned out to be an irresponsible drunk. I would leave an apology note on the wrecked car on behalf of my friend, then treat said friend to one final day of entertainment before I put them down. Assisting in honorable suicide is never an emotionless event.

LOL!

I was with ya up to the suicide part.

: P

I considered the note, but it would get back to me. I guess I may be a coward then since I haven't acted yet.

Thanks for the first part of your post tho!

 

[NotSoNimble]

In most jurisdictions, if you know a crime is going on but fail to alert the police, you're guilty of aiding and abetting, which depending on the unreported crime may itself be a felony. Watch your cornhole, bud.

True, but that would be practically impossible to prove. It's not the kind of thing that would be investigated and the owner's insurance would probably take care of it. Of course this depends largely on where you live. However, from what I understood from the OP, his friend is not facing consequences but rather just feels guilty. I stand by what I said and I think your vernacular sounds dumb. I rarely eat corn.

Yeah, the OP was talking bout a friend of his...... so...... he has no legal reason to worry.

Even with insurance tho, the guy has to pay a deductible at least, the guilt lies in that the guys friend is a drunk bum who wouldn't even pay it off if he was arrested. He would tell the judge to lock him up instead.

 

[NotSoNimble]

Ask yourself this question. What if his dumb ass had gotten someone killed?

I don't think I could I kill him back.... so I would with out a doubt rat him out and hope he gets all of what he deserves.

The only reason this is a problem is because it's property damage.

 

[Tdc2182]

Since it's a stranger that has to suffer, I guess this about overall morals as apposed to right vs wrong. I know he was wrong, but at what point do morals overtake friendship?

Thats for you to decide.

Personally, I don't care how close I would be to him, if he is an asshole to people he doesn't know, then I wouldn't be his friend. A true man does the right thing, no matter how much trouble he gets him into. If he is (I'm guessing 18-21) years old, and he still doesn't know how to own up to his moral faults, then its not a guy I would be hanging around.

But then again, that's just me. And I really don't look kindly on anonymity. Also, I tend to take things to seriously most of the time.

 

[Commissar Sae]

Depends on the situtation and the friend honestly. In the original situation the OP mentions, I would probably tell my friend to man up and come forward about it. I wouldn't rat him out because that isn't my way.

On the topic of ratting out, though- I would say that I would rat friends out if they were breaking the law and getting people hurt. Its hard to do, but its better than just letting it go on. For instance, I met a guy in classes at University, got along well with him and overall liked the guy- but then I caught him with a vial of GHB one day and wasn't gonna wait to find out what he was gonna do with it, especially when there was a rape on campus some time prior to that- so yea, I ratted the guy out. He was arrested, and hated me- probably still does.

In your place I would have done the exact same thing. I will back a friend up on petty or material transgressions, but I'll turn them in without thinking twice if someone is likely to get hurt because of them.

 

[Canid117]

Ask yourself this question. What if his dumb ass had gotten someone killed?

I don't think I could I kill him back.... so I would with out a doubt rat him out and hope he gets all of what he deserves.

The only reason this is a problem is because it's property damage.

If he is willing to drive around drunk and make a hit and run then yes you should turn him in because he doesn't seem to care as long as he gets away with it which he is and shouldn't. Someone like that is a danger to the community and should not be allowed to drive.

 

[NotSoNimble]

Since it's a stranger that has to suffer, I guess this about overall morals as apposed to right vs wrong. I know he was wrong, but at what point do morals overtake friendship?

Thats for you to decide.

Personally, I don't care how close I would be to him, if he is an asshole to people he doesn't know, then I wouldn't be his friend. A true man does the right thing, no matter how much trouble he gets him into. If he is (I'm guessing 18-21) years old, and he still doesn't know how to own up to his moral faults, then its not a guy I would be hanging around.

But then again, that's just me. And I really don't look kindly on anonymity. Also, I tend to take things to seriously most of the time.

You are so right. A good man is supposed to do what is right. Now I feel bad..... I am not a good man. He is not either.

Shouldn't shit heads like us stick together tho?

I know how lame that sounds.....

Just to ice the cake, he is 32, and I am 31.

: (

 

[hydrahh]

You also have to watch out, cause not reporting a crime is also illegal. If they find out that 'The Guy" did this and also somehow find out you knew and didn't report, you can get in shit.

 

[Isolda Sage]

If you say nothing and he kills someone in a drunk driving accident will you wish you had said something? Sometimes people do things that are illegal for the right reasons and I would have a hard time ratting them out but this guy is just a drunk and a danger to everyone he shares the road with. I don't know why you want this person as a friend anyway. He sounds like a real ass!

 

[NotSoNimble]

If you say nothing and he kills someone in a drunk driving accident will you wish you had said something? Honestly I don't know why you want this person as a friend anyway. He sounds like a real ass!

That is the best point me thinks.

After hearing multiple people post this type of idea, how can I not at least confront him about it?

I just wonder if me losing him as a friend will change anything.... I guess it's better to try and fail, than to never have tried at all, eh?

I like to think that I am not as bad as he is, but gun to my head, I'm kinda a really fucking shit person myself. But I still feel some guilt, so I guess I answered my question. Thanks for the post.

I guess now I need to know if being a rat or confronting the guy about it is enough?

 

[Chase Yojimbo]

Only one time when you should rat out a friend, and thats if its the right thing to do! If you don't rat out a friend that did a horrible thing, your just as horrible and deserve everything you get, along with him/her/it of course.

 

[Tdc2182]

You are so right. A good man is supposed to do what is right. Now I feel bad..... I am not a good man. He is not either.

Shouldn't shit heads like us stick together tho?

I know how lame that sounds.....

Just to ice the cake, he is 32, and I am 31.

: (

Eh, maybe that is a little to harsh. Now that I think of it, seeing how its not a crime like robbery or something extreme, I wouldn't avoid him.

But you should definitely try giving him the silent treatment for a while.

 

[Gudrests]

with something like this...where someone could have to pay alot of money... yes