When Uninteresting Women ATTACK! 2: People To Do In Denver When You're Dead.

[SimuLord]

Hot on the heels of everyone's favorite [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.226643-When-Uninteresting-Women-ATTACK-the-anti-relationship-problem-thread] "look at the poor bastard drawing terrible women to him like moths to a flame" thread, it's the latest edition of No Wonder I'm Single.

Today's entrant comes from a beautiful, mountainous place I've never been but might go someday. No, not Slovenia. I'm talking about Denver. Met her via friend-of-a-friend on Facebook. Added her because we share the same college major (finance/accounting) and she said nice things about my writing (which, as most people know, is an even quicker route to my heart than through my stomach.) And before you ask, yes. She is hot. If I were making a porno and not a relationship I'd be on her like a rabbit on a leaf of fresh lettuce with a slew of other rabbit-like metaphors to follow.

So where's the problem? No, it's not the distance. A long-distance relationship would actually suit me very well right now with my college commitments keeping me a bit too swamped for a traditional-style romance. It's that she's got SEVERE daddy issues. Mind you, I'm no stranger to that sort of relationship, but this girl takes it perhaps a leeeeeeetle bitty bit too far. And to hear her tell her version of "being taken care of" (why yes, I was initially intrigued, how'd you know?), even if I had a six-figure salary it'd never be enough.

So you've had your chance to laugh at my "where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to me?" [http://www.theonion.com/articles/shared-memory-of-childrens-television-show-leads-t,7001/] story of the week. Those of you who are happily in a relationship can feel bad for me and remind me that "there's someone out there for you, you'll find her". Those of you who are chronically single and can't meet anyone can think "When I look out there it makes me GLaD I'm not you."

FOR DISCUSSION! Do you believe that "there's someone out there for everyone"? Or are some people, by virtue of circumstance, either hardwired to attract people they don't like or so off-the-wall that there's nobody out there who would meet their definition of an ideal mate and thus it's pointless to look? Share your views!

 

[Dragon_of_red]

If I were making a porno and not a relationship I'd be on her like a rabbit on a leaf of fresh lettuce with a slew of other rabbit-like metaphors to follow.

Eww....

I like to think there is, the laws of probability say there should be at least one person. Either way, I'm currently happy in my relationship.

 

[Kingstome]

Eh. The solution is simple, just don't trust women. The second you realize that, you can become someone that women shouldn't trust. And that means you have no relationship issues because you are walking out the door the moment they start whining... and it really is true, women love assholes. So be a total dick and you will have them falling all over you. I happen to know that it really does work.

Oh... is my cynicism showing? My bad...

 

[SturmDolch]

I'm sure there's someone for everyone. But there's not just one for everyone; there's many people you could make it work with.

However, your choices get kind of limited if you walk around wearing a rubber jumpsuit that smells like beef jerky while growing a beard you tie around your arms. Still, I'm sure some man or woman would love that, or would be desperate enough to go for that. It would just be harder to find that someone than if you were a striking hot soccer player.

 

[ultrachicken]

I believe there are plenty of people that would be right for each person. There are only so many personalities, some of them similar. And there are also plenty of people that would look similar.

 

[Mimssy]

I'd be willing to say that there's someone out there to make you (and anyone else) happy. If you go out refusing to trust anyone and believe that everyone is out to get you, then you will become a lonely, old, bitter individual. Being happy with yourself if the key to finding someone to be with you in a happy healthy relationship.

What do you mean by daddy issues? I've considered my father dead to me for years and I wouldn't say I'm damaged goods because of it.

 

[Avelestar]

I sure hope there's someone out there for everyone, but yes some of us do attract people who are horribly wrong for us. I've got a tendency to attract car/sports loving girls (both of which I have absolutely 0 interest in) that have horrible misconceptions of gamers, or are downright embarrassed to be dating someone who plays video games. Their past boyfriends were jerks, now want a nice little christian boy etc. etc. Sorry, but if you cringe at the sight of my computer setup and two bulging bookcases it's bound to end because we get bored of each other.

Daddy issues when they're more like dependancy issues are fine if they aren't major (like your situation seems to be). I like playing knight in shining armour and spoiling a girl.

 

[SimuLord]

I'd be willing to say that there's someone out there to make you (and anyone else) happy. If you go out refusing to trust anyone and believe that everyone is out to get you, then you will become a lonely, old, bitter individual. Being happy with yourself if the key to finding someone to be with you in a happy healthy relationship.

What do you mean by daddy issues? I've considered my father dead to me for years and I wouldn't say I'm damaged goods because of it.

When I say "daddy issues", I mean severe codependency. This goes beyond "gender role traditionalist"...hell, in her case it goes to the darker corners that even the BDSM community looks at and says "you folks are way the fuck out there."

As far as finding a good woman for a healthy relationship, that's the key. Healthy. If holding out for someone who gives me a great combination of physical, emotional, and intellectual compatibility means being single for awhile, well, you guys just get to laugh at my dating failures because I like to share (and because I will go on at least a first date with any girl who wants one. I'm not shy about trying out new people.) As a statistical matter some of them will be batshit bonkers.

I know how the story's gonna end---I'm going to meet the right girl, settle down, have an army of attack babies to take over the world, and live happily ever after. But that doesn't make good forum chatter.

Daddy issues when they're more like dependancy issues are fine if they aren't major (like your situation seems to be). I like playing knight in shining armour and spoiling a girl.

So do I. Sadly, there's a line...frequently crossed by the girls I attract.

 

[arsenicCatnip]

I'm curious now.

I believe that there are people who are WAY THE FUCK out there, but I think everyone has someone for them, somehow. Whether it's totally platonic or pure soulmate/matesprit shit is up for debate

Poor poor SimuLord, having women throwing themselves at him (come to Denver anyway boy).

 

[Sonofadiddly]

If you keep attracting un-datable people who are un-datable for different reasons, you probably have intimacy issues or some other relationship-related fear that you're not aware of. Self-sabotage and all that. If everyone you attract has the same problem, it's likely that you grew up around someone with that problem. You may have an unconscious desire to fix that person's problem.

So yeah, that is the closest someone could come to being "hardwired" to attract the un-datable. You aren't born that way, and it can probably be fixed.

 

[Booze Zombie]

People don't grow up with every part of their body gearing it's self towards finding one perfect person, there are plenty of people you can have "true love" with.
That's actually the problem, you get married and discover someone else who fits the bill of "incredibly attractive" and they fit all of the other "standards" your impose on people you want to form a relationship with... this is how "unfaithful men" come about.

That's how I look at it, anyway.

 

[Betancore]

I reckon that there's someone out there for everyone. I hope there is, anyway. They may not be perfect for you, but they'll be good enough. What are the odds that you'll not like every single person you come across? I guess it depends on how tolerant you are. But I doubt we ever meet a person who's just right for us.

And if you're hanging around, passively 'attracting' people then you don't even get a choice as to who approaches you. It's not so much being hardwired that way; maybe you just need to go out there, and take the initiative to find someone right for you. I always attract dickheads, and the people I actually want to date are apparently intimidated by me or something.

 

[Eagle Est1986]

Yes, there's definitely at least one person for everyone. Most people seem to adjust themselves to potential partners so they're compatible with each other.
I firmly believe that any hetrosexual male can fall in love with any hetrosexual female, in the right circumstances. People just want to mate dammnit.

 

[tomtom94]

There's someone out there for everyone.
The chances of them being within the same postcode, and the chances of you meeting them, are slim at best.

 

[Rylot]

As a child from a broken home with pretty sever trust issues I really don't believe in the whole "one" out there somewhere. Just find someone whose broken in a way you can handle and if they can handle you then see if it works out(hint: it usually doesn't).

 

[SimuLord]

There's someone out there for everyone.
The chances of them being within the same postcode, and the chances of you meeting them, are slim at best.

Praise the gods for the Internet then. Ever since I got home Internet in May of 2000, just about every girl I've dated I've met at least initially online even if we lived in the same metropolitan area (and the vast majority have been more than an hour's drive away, at least at first.)

 

[Kortney]

I'm sorry, I'll bite. What is the purpose of this? I appreciate the discussion but what is the motivation for posting stories about girls you have dated? Is it to brag in a subtle way or something? Like, 'look at all the girls I attract and look how boring or stupid they are and how much better I am'?

I really do apologise if I am coming across as rude here, but I am quite curious.

In answer to your question yes I do believe there is someone for everyone. I don't see it as a law of universe or anything but there are a heap of people out there and at least one of them will be perfect for you. However, bitching about your past relationships and how such awful people they have been on the internet isn't exactly a trait that will attract the sort of girls you like.

 

[EgoDeusEst]

FOR DISCUSSION! Do you believe that "there's someone out there for everyone"?

No. I don't believe in magic.
There has never been one solid argument as to why there would be "someone out there for you" so I don't see a reason to believe that there would be.
It's one of those sayings that someone pulled out the ass ages ago that noone ever questions because it's a convenient delusion.