When Your D&D group is a bunch of dipsh*ts!

[Darkfreak]

I don't think there's anything you can do then. Try punishing them in game like I said, because if you do the same thing repeatedly and expect a different result, it's called insanity. Sometimes though you can't work or improve players. You have to accept them might not get any better. We've had people who've come to club who are just idiots and no matter what you do, they don't learn. There's nothing you can do to remedy it though.

Also, is that punishment against Bark in or out of character...

It wouldn't work...
D&D is very different from videogames: it's hard to find people to join your group, it hard to organize a meeting since everyone has to be in the same place.
Punishing someone will only punish the group instead, since without that person there are not enough people to play. Moreover alienating that person, or worse his passion for the game, will end up in make him leaving->no enough player to continue->goodbye D&D game.
The only thing I can think of is still to get the chick in (or another one for that matter, just be sure she's pretty ^^), or get them more involved.
Be strong as DM, but remember that a cruel DM is not a good DM and it usually end up in destroying the game.
When I was DMing I had a similar experience with a player who hated me (for extra-D&D motivations), so that he was always trying to screw up my games or question my authority. The games were basically an endless review of the player handbook to see who was right.
My first approach was to punish him: Elves suddenly sucked in the world, I made some custom rules to penalize his archer, I killed his pet etc. etc., with the only result to make him more and more bitter.
After 2 years like that, I try to make him more involved in the story, add a beautiful elf female to save, make her fall in love with his char, and suddenly all the problem were solved ^^.
I can't guarantee you that this will work, but from my experience punishing a player never works...

Only problem is that Bark has no passion for the game. Not that he doesn't like it its just that he doesn't love it. Everyone there except a few have a passion for it but Bark is there just for Flip. So I can't really hurt him like that.
Flip moves the game but like your friend he always questions me. What I do is let it slide off my shoulders or say "Okay well then look that up until its your turn". Sometimes he does look it up and sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes I'm right and other times I'm wrong. When his turn comes around he will gladly drop the PH and get right to what he's doing because he has an odd sense of superiority for his character.
That is how I handle Flip's questioning remarks anyway.

 

[Darkfreak]

5) Bring a gun to D&D nights.

A gun!

 

[Cannon_Fodder]

Interesting problem that your friends pose. It definitely sounds like Bark may have ADHD, I actually have ADD myself and I tend to stack things as well.
Your best bet would be to maybe talk to Bark and Flip outside of the game and outline the issues your having and see if you can work something out, if they are decent people and it seems like they are they should understand.

Aren't ADD and ADHD the same thing?

They are relatively the same, biggest difference is that a person with ADD may not be hyperactive, so don't have to move or fidget all of the time, they may just stop paying attention to stuff going on around them, if there is something interesting going on. In my case it's squirrels.

OP: Breasts help, bring back the chick! on a serious note, I sound like both of 'em -.- and speaking with such experience I can honestly only suggest bringing back the chick, not because she's a girl but because she calms them down, I usually have my laptop and mess with that during down time, can't help with the listening you're SOL on that.